ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

If only something like a search engine existed where you could go and find out.

That's a you problem I'm afraid, not a him problem.

You shouldn't stay with him if this has sent you into a 'major spiral' and you're pleading with strangers to calm you down.

To be fair the poster said that they’re old. Must be too old for Google!

Google is your friend although the OP has actually explained it.

It’s pool cleaning that really does it for me 😆

MN did. It was used to belittle people a poster didn't agree with, so it's gone.

You're right that online creators and sex workers have jumped on the ASMR bandwagon. I've seen plenty that are clearly catered for men, pretending to go on dates with them and such or 'The girlfriend experience' kind of thing to titillate them. It didn't used to be like that.

I don't think I'd be spiralling like you over that kind of content, but I wouldn't exactly be thrilled either. There's a huge amount of ASMR content out there that is nothing to do with staying the night or similar, so why pick this exact one?

I've never heard of ASMR being sexual. That video you shared is a bit weird tbh.

If this is all you have to worry about then I envy you. All he is doing is drifting off to sleep listening to something soothing. I sometimes listen to an audio book of poetry as I fall asleep, that is all there is to it, a means of assisting sleep.

Omg !!!!!
I love ASMR
I got my DD into ASMR - she loves it !!!

it is recommended as a way to relax / de-
stress by mental health professionals!!!

YOU are misinterpreting the tingly pleasurable sensation people get in their HEADS not groins as sexual -

stop making you life and your DH’s life a misery !!!!

Does he get an erection from listening to this particular ASMR? That is the question. If the answer is yes then we are into a different territory than what ASMR usually does which is just relax people. It can be accompanied by tingling which I definitely experience, sometimes it is too much and I have to choose another video.

It is most definitely not sexual to me in any way, just a soothing voice that relaxes me. I do have a chronic health condition and when I have flare ups this really helps focus my mind on something other than the pain.

I often listen to some before going to bed, or I watch a particular beauty therapist, she is not specifically ASMR but her voice is very calm and relaxing to a lot of people whilst she applies products to a woman's face or laminates their brows.

Not that old that i can't use Google but as some thinks it is sexual i am not putting it in the search bar.

@Sunnyday410 there are lots of ASMR clips .

I guess he particularly likes this one but it is a slightly weird choice.
Pretty young woman all made up and leaning into the camera whispering " would you like me to stay with you " " are you lonely "
He will have hidden it because he knows you'll be upset
He should choose a different one.

Of all the things to worry about in life, this really isn’t one.

Thank you for your words, we barely see each other actually, he works nights i work days, we dont have a day off together and only have two evenings together. It is something I am really struggling with because I am lonely

@ouchynose ( and lots of other posters) have you watched it ?

My sil loved to watch spot being squeezed and pus coming out

its satisfying apparently

She's not talking about staying the night in that sense, she then says 'can I stay with you till you fall asleep?'

I actually didn't realize that ASMR specifically meant the head tingle, I thought it was just sensory. According to the internet, one of things that induces it is close personal attention. This makes sense to me as the only thing that has ever done it for me is people brushing or styling my hair, like when we did it to each other in school. So this is what she is going for with the 'staying with you until you fall asleep' I think.

OP, does it not reassure you at all that the vast majority of people do not see this as in anyway sexual? If you've come for reassurance, surely that should be reassuring to you?

ASMR is not inherently sexual.

The video posted by the OP is more intimate than most, ASMR itself is not in the slightest bit sexual and is safe to Google.

OP get a grip. You sound like a jealous nutter, we're a few rungs down from bunny boiling here.

It's a stupid relaxation video. I listen to some blokes guided meditations to get to sleep, doesn't mean I want to bang him. You need some real problems if this is taking up so much headspace.

You're allowed to be upset, feel whatever you want to, but it's unreasonable of you to punish him for your insecurities

You said in your posts:
I am looking for some prospective please.
What he's doing is fine and non of your business

I dont know if I am being irrational.
You certainly are

Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.
For gods sake do calm down. Him listening to this is absolutely no reflection on you, his feelings for you, or the state of your relationship.

Why can't he get that from me
Why should he? Why do you need to meet all his needs in every moment of his life? Do you want to be subservient to him? This is not a healthy way to think about relationships

So am I unreasonable for wanting to leave him
You can leave him for any reason you like.

Why did he hide it.....thats my main issue
Either

1. He didn't hide anything, he just didn't share every genre of media that he consumes. He doesn't have to. There's no deception.

Or

1. You asked him to stop relaxing with the asmr videos. He didn't feel able to tell you that you were making an unreasonable request/order so he activly chose to lie directly or by ommision. This shows him as being weak and having poor boundaries, He should have said "No you can't control my screen use" He has responsibility for being passive in addressing your behaviour. You have responsibility for your own behaviour in trying to control him. Neither of you are in the right here

Good grief - grow up

Well it appears I should just shut up and f**k off.
I honestly cant believe there isnt anyone who can understand why I am upset. Him listening to a woman who says I am here for you.....I am touching you WTF

My favourite thing is watching a woman with PCOS wax her face because I love her voice and how satisfied she is when it’s finished. DP watched over my shoulder once and said that I watch some really strange shit, which coming from a man who watches grown men dicking around in forests dressed as sword peasants or whatever it is they do, I was mortally offended 😂