ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

Yes but the question was is she (irrational) unreasonable and the answer is yes.

Honestly get some help. It’s not ok to blame your past or wail it’s my feelings. If you’ve inappropriate or unacceptable feelings you have a personal responsibility to manage them, not use them to control others.

“It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down.”

A major spiral really? Are you seeking and professional help right now? The goal for toddlers emotional development is to learn to self soothe and self regulate.

It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

Wow. That's...a worry.

OP children use it too for sleep purposes. It's not sexual. Surely your boyfriend interacts with lovely women socially, in the pub, at work etc doesn't mean he wants to have sex with them. You speak to and see nice men at work etc. That's life. You might watch a film where the characters are having sex, doesn't mean it's wrong to watch the film, I can't see any difference. I couldn't care less if my partner listened to ASMR.

I think people are being a bit harsh but honestly I just think that you don’t understand what ASMR is. Go educate yourself, find out about it and you’ll realise how silly you’re being.

Why doesn't MN have a laugh react yet? 🤣

Well it appears you all think i am mad, controlling or crazy.
So I will take my feeling elsewhere I just wanted some kindness and reassurance as I have no one to talk to. To answer your questions I am currently in therapy and I was there today so I think when this happened I was already upset.
I just dont know if I can deal with this and I understand that might seem strange to some people. I just dont know what to do. Why did he hide it.....thats my main issue

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m not sure it is your main issue.

You need to work on your self esteem massively, this sort of thing shouldn’t be sending a 40 odd year old woman on a spiral. Leave him & work on yourself

😂😂 my favourite response ever !!

Agreed. It's great you are in therapy but until you have worked thru your issues you should not be in a relationship. It's unfair to your partner. Get yourself in a better place before you even think about dating.

Op is it even a real woman? It’s probably AI. Honestly, I would find it a bit weird if my DH needed to listen to a woman talking to him to get to sleep.

I had no idea what this is (still none the wiser TBH) so I searched up and asked my font of all knowledge "Urban Dictionary"

Even that couldn't conjour up some sex driven filth regarding ASMR .
I didn't investigrate further .

I listen to the sleep meditations on the Calm App, not quite the same thing I realise but I find the guys voice wonderfully relaxing. Not remotely sexual.

i like the female operator voice asmr who reads the numbers for the number station broadcasts

You're allowed to be upset, I suppose, but you are wasting your emotional energy to be so. I like ASMR videos for getting to sleep, I think there is something about a soft female voices that maybe remind us of mothers when we are little, which is why a lot of women use a whispery tone. Which some people misinterpret as sexual, but most people listening to these things are women.

It sounds like your partner has good reason for using it for relaxation and I can vouch that if you're susceptible to it, it really does work for getting you to sleep.

What do you mean by 'hiding'.

Did you 'hide' that you read a chapter of a book the other night before sleeping, did you 'hide' that you had a cheese sandwich earlier, did you 'hide' that you put a wash on yesterday?

You didnt 'hide' these things because they are mundane everyday things people do. You just dont go round giving a running commentary on normal things that arent significant.

Hi dear I listen very often! My husband doesn't know. Because I'm embarassed to explain to him. In my case it is not sexual just relaxing and I have enjoyed these head and vagus nerve tingles since childhood, way before I developed sexually. Can't speak for your husband but to me it's a nearly daily habit to fall asleep to or relax before bed.

Op how deep does this jealousy and insecurity go. If you’re like this over something as innocuous as asmr just as you perceive the woman to be attractive and see , oddly, whispering as sexual , then how do you cope in day to day life if he interacts with real women.

I listen to the Uncanny podcasts on repeat because Danny Robbins' voice is very soporific.

I wouldn't want to have sex with him.

Sorry, Danny. I know you're gutted! 😄

I am old so please indulge me but what is ASMR?

of course you’re allowed to be upset, you’re also allowed to fart in a packed lift but you probably shouldn’t.
The internet has made people realise they enjoy things they didn’t know. ASMR/mukbang/hoof trimming/rug cleaning videos.
It’s really unhealthy this is something you’d choose to leave your partner over. I see you’re already getting therapy and that’s positive, maybe try and work out why something as much as a non issue as this is upsetting you.
I saw you wrote something about why couldn’t he get that from you?
I don’t think that’s a good way to see it, why should you be the only thing that brings him comfort or joy? Surely that’s not a healthy way for either of you to live?
Im interested to know how other aspects of your relationship are because throwing in the towel over a YouTube video when you have a child together is insanity if it’s an otherwise good relationship.