ASMR am I allowed to be upset?

[Sunnyday410]

Good afternoon
I am looking for some prospective please.
I dont know if I am being irrational.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years live together ect.
I know he used to listen to Asmr before we met, I found out today he has still been listening to it. I didn't know. It is a woman talking and whispering one title was "tingles all over your head".
He works nights so we dont always sleep together. When I found out I was and still am so upset. I know it is my feelings but I cant help it. I know people have made it sexual. I think in this case it is purely for relaxation.
It has sent me on a major spiral. Please calm me down. I feel so unwanted and hurt.

The video the OP posted is definitely sexual. I can't imagine any heterosexual woman wanting to listen to another woman saying things like "Can I get close to you? Can I touch you?" and then getting all close to your ears and face.

I honestly cant believe there isnt anyone who can understand why I am upset
I can understand .I do think you're over reacting but that's not a crime.
I'd be interested to know how many of the posters have watched the video all the way through.

The video the OP posted is definitely sexual. I can't imagine any heterosexual woman wanting to listen to another woman saying things like "Can I get close to you? Can I touch you?" and then getting all close to your ears and face.
Exactly this^^

Good grief, that's horrible. It made me shudder, and not in any kind of pleasurable way either. I've changed my mind, there is a weirdly sexual element to it, and I think I'd look a bit askance at my husband if he started listening to it. But leaving him because of it? Nah. It's worth a raised eyebrow and a "what the fuck...?" but no more than that.

You can split up with him for any reason you like you don't need our permission

OP I totally agree with you and I completely understand why this is wrong what he is doing and why it makes you feel uncomfortable. If I were you I would move on from him and find someone else, I am sure you will find a good trustworthy man one day that will treat you like a queen 💜💜💜🙌🏼🙏

I can’t see to quote you @Trumptontown but I also like pools. I follow the pool guy and love watching the dirty to the clean

Some ASMR is sexualised, the women aren’t daft! The one you shared though isn’t. I enjoy ASMR and it’s hard to explain but it’s not imagining the person or what they’re describing it’s literally the sound! Often they use a mannequin so you can hear the hair brushing or head massage or whatever. It must seem very weird if you don’t like it or never use it, but if he’s using it to go to sleep I can assure you it’s not sexual. Wouldn’t he use porn or the super sexualised stuff for that?

Hide what?!
Why should he hide ASMR?
If he asked you to stop watching Make up tutorials would you?
Ive heard plenty of unhinged, paranoid, controlling crap on this site before but it’s getting ridiculous these days.

I’m wondering if this is the new only fans

maybe I could be some rich saying I want to stay with you tonight

if it was a man and a male voice he listens to would that make you feel better @Sunnyday410

or

make your own video saying the same thing for him 😀

OP you sound very hurt.

You don't need to justify your feelings. You're allowed to feel upset about it.

From what you've written, it sounds more likely that he's listening to ASMR for relaxation rather than seeking an emotional connection with another woman.

However, you feel that it's very intimate and perhaps it's triggered an insecurity in you.

Have you told him how it makes you feel?

Ok I’m done with the internet for today 😂

Hi
He has been in bed all day due to his work, I won't speak to him when he wakes up as I dont want to anger or upset him before work, so likely I will have to keep quiet and get on with it. But yes love I think you are right. Everything is always my fault xx

I’ve read most of your posts snd I am totally sympathetic. This is not the same as listening to your favourite band on a loop.
OP - I don’t think he will stop, so to protect your sanity you need to split up. Keep going to therapy and work on your mental health. You don’t need his weird shit.

@Sunnyday410 what do you mean by ‘everything is always my fault’
is that what you believe or how he makes you feel any time you raise a concern?

When you say everything is your fault. Is that you speaking or does your partner say that?

This isn't your fault, your feelings are completely valid. What you do have control over is how you deal with it.

I completely sympathise. I've been in a position where something simple has triggered me and I found it hard to let it go. Unfortunately when you get like that the only person you are hurting is yourself ❤️

Big hugs to you OP.

Both unfortunately, there is just so much at stake our home my son

Thank you you beautiful person xx

😬 I wouldn’t like my man listening to this to get off to sleep either, whatever about keyboards or nails tapping, but this is just weird af.

Why martyr yourself? If you have a problem with him, have a straight forward conversation with him before he leaves. What's with the nonsense about not upsetting or angering him before work. What do you mean everything is always your fault? Are you scared of him? Is he abusive?

Get a grip...have you always had severe attachment anxiety issues!? I think you sound like a red flag and a bit unhinged/not very...lucid. I suggest getting therapy. I'm worried about your partner being with someone who is losing their grip on reality behind closed doors. I hope they catch onto this and leave. This sounds like material for a Netflix thriller-documentary.

By all means, if you want to be the new ASMR voice in his life; go ahead and stay awake whispering in his ear for 8 hours a night.

Jesus, Mary, and Josephine (whispered in sexy ASMR voice)

Pretty sure it was my post that was deleted, and yes, I'm a woman too.

Have you offered it?

What a needlessly horrible post. Clearly you think you’re hilarious. As it goes, I think you’re a wanker. Particularly if you’ve posted that having read all of the OPs updates as well.

OP - please do disregard these unpleasant posts. They say more about the people posting them than they do about you.

That said, I do agree with some of the kinder responders in that your response seems
rather disproportionate. The ASMR thing itself, while a bit odd, isn’t something that I could get worked up over. It takes all sorts to get people off to sleep, after all! The deceit, particularly if this is a topic you’ve both spoken about before and you were led to believe was a thing of the past, I can understand being hurtful though.

Whatever the context, and to echo some others, you’re not wrong to feel how you feel but you can have some influence over the extent to which this affects you. It’s great that you’re in therapy already; I’d say use that as an outlet to work through this - and whatever is underpinning it - too.

Be kinder to yourself. And know that not everything is your fault, no matter who is telling you otherwise.

All the best x

Thank you, I really appreciate the time you have taken to write to me xx