Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

@GotTheIckWithMe Please don't focus on whatever your DH is doing. There's no point worrying yourself sick trying to guess what he's thinking or going to do next. Focus on building some social confidence (I recommend enlisting the help of genuine friends or advice from a professional life coach like a male - even better if he's gay because they are often great in how to show confidence in public). You may think you're confident but it sounds like socially, you're not so now the time is to change this. This is coming from someone who used to be so painfully shy, I could barely speak or eat in public. Initially try faking your confidence but you need to work towards building genuine confidence in public. Imagine you're the 'leading actress' in a film and DH is an unpleasant character that everyone can see through - like the guy in 'The Other Woman' and you're going to show how lovable you are and what a croc he is. Whether you stay with hijm or whether you leave him, make him realise what he could lose and I recommend widening your social circle no matter even if it feels like climbing a mountain to you - the view from the top will be worth it. Good luck. It's your time to shine and make sure your DH sees you smiling, laughing and having a good time surrounded by people who treat you with respect and kindness. I suspect you had some confidence when you met your DH but if you allow him to speak to you disrespectfully then he'll suck it all out of you like a leech. It's not about having the best clothes or looking like a model. It about how you walk and how you talk. A lead actress could wear something completely ridiculous but you still know they're the lead star.

He has meet someone that works there.

Ok so tell him you understand but he’s being very unkind. Tell him to either leave or be a kind decent husband.
Make him responsible for his choices .

Whatever else you do, please make it clear to him that it’s totally unacceptable to talk to you the way he’s talking, and it’s not something you’ll be putting up with.

Sorry OP but he’s on his way out

What a twat. OP. The Script is basically a more detailed version of that thing teenage boys do when they want out of a relationship. So they start acting so much of a twat that you dump them, just because they haven't the balls to do it themselves.

Do NOT let on that you suspect. Find a solicitor. Then fish out all the paperwork for any bank accounts, pensions, ISAs, investments etc and make copies. Also - get CIFAS monitoring set up so he can't sneakily take out any loans or extend the mortgage in joint names. Then start looking for clues...

Am so so sorry, this isn't you, really truly it isn't. Don't let him destroy your confidence. It's him. Go easy on yourself, please.

Notify your banks and mortgage company that no changes are to be made without joint consent as things are turning sour.

Yeah, new job = new colleagues. His head’s turned, OP, I’d put money on it. So sorry you’re in such a horrible situation. Don’t let his spiteful fuckery undermine you and knock your confidence - whatever he’s got going on has little to nothing to do with you.

Don’t try to appease him; don’t tie yourself in knots trying to change to suit his shifting (self-serving) agenda. If he’s sniffing around elsewhere, it’ll just be a futile, soul crushing exercise in trying to be what he wants - which at this point, sounds like it’s someone else.

Protect yourself financially and plan for a future without him. The best thing you can do for yourself is find your rage and quietly plan your escape.

He is hideous, tell him to fuck off. If you are so horrible, he can do without you (obviously you are not and you can do better). Eat however you like without that wanker.

If my partner was being like this, id get my ducks in a row and leave. He’s trying to force YOU to leave him, so he doesn’t look like the bad guy. Do it anyway, and tell anyone who will listen that he’s an abusive cunt.

What are you going to do OP?

What's your housing situation (own? rent?)
Can you afford the bills etc on your own?
Entitledto.com (or co.uk) has an anonymous calculator if you need to see if you're entitled to any UC so you can start formulating a plan.

My friends ex husband started being disgusted by her after he’d started his new job. He’s now been married to OW for 7 years. Pig

What a vile man OP, get the ick with him and bin him off. Sounds abusive to me.

So he’s banging someone much younger at work then

Your relationship has clearly been emotionally abusive and now he is cheating.

Thank goodness you are working.
Tell family and friends and get organised asap.

Sounds like he is cheating and trying to get you to hate him or do things wrong so he can justify the affair to himself and others.
Even if he isn't cheating he sounds awful

Agree with others that he is likely having an affair and is too cowardly to break up and is trying to get you to break up with him. I would develop a thick skin, insist there was no problem with me and let him squirm until he had to be honest. What a twat.

That is absolutely outrageous behaviour. Abusive and unkind.

My ex husband did this , told me I disgusted him and that I was fat and lazy.. when I had a newborn to
look after he was conveniently working late .. he was shagging one of his staff ..
get your ducks in a row OP . X

OP the ick is where you find someone's habits irritating. He has called you unattractive, embarrassing and lazy, that's a lot more than the ick, that's him telling you he has lost respect for you. I'm sorry. The only response is to tell him you don't want to be married to someone who doesn't like you, and you deserve someone who loves you for who you are and you want a divorce

A grown man who tells his wife of 15 years that he has the ick sounds like a stunted teenager. He is creating a narrative about how he’s having to put up with all these supposedly ‘awful’ things. What a hero!
To be frank, I think you should tell him you’ve been thinking the same about him. It’s embarrassing being out with him, and when he sips his drink it makes your skin crawl. He is right about the cleaner and you’re glad he’s finally stepping up as you’ve spent 15 years wondering why as an adult man in a family home he’s been unable to contribute further than gardening until now.
What an utter fool. He doesn’t have all the power here though. You don’t have to try and persuade him not to have this supposed ‘ick’. You have agency too and need to start thinking what kind of man is worthy of being in your life. And I’m not sure he makes the cut.

Some brilliant advice here. Start your mission to get rid of him tomorrow'......

I doubt he’s that smart or Machiavellian, I suspect he’s infatuated with a new woman, and is comparing the op with her, and it’s not favourable, and he’s a sad little fuck who is pointing out everything that goes through his mind, as he doesn’t care about her any more.

overtime, pointing out her faults, stopping date night, it’s another woman and a younger one, thinks he’s done better for himself.

once he feels secure in the new relationship he will end the marriage.

You are married - so legally all money is both of yours.

I suspect he is cheating… go and see a solicitor and get paperwork you might need xxx