Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

That look of disgust is contempt and it's very very hard for a relationship to recover from that, whether he has found an OW or not. Have a read of this to understand it more The Gottman Four Horsemen | Gottman Institute

Please do not take his criticisms and cruel comments to heart. However he is feeling and whatever the reasons he should not be treating you so badly. It isn't about you, it's him. Hold on to your self esteem and believe in yourself.

Sadly other posters are right you need to start preparing to separate, so plan to do that on your terms, not his.

Ah good advice here.

Abusive AND bone idle lazy- what a charmer, get rid fast

He's horrible. I smell a woman. Start getting your ducks in a row.

I'd be wary that he wants to end the marriage but doesn't have the guts to say so, and is treating you as poorly as he can to force you to end things, at which point he'll tell family, friends, and the children that you are the "bad guy" and he the innocent victim, even though it's him who's made the unilateral decision to end things.

The only way the cleaner comments make sense is if you've split the housework 50/50 and he's genuinely doing his properly and can't understand why you need help with yours. In that case, I'd tell him that since he is so good at it he can take on some of your share - for the children's sake, of course! - if he really can't come to terms with your having a cleaner. The personal remarks I'd just ignore; walk away when he makes them or just don't react. "The ick" typically refers to little things that wouldn't bother most people so you're likely completely fine, but if you do find yourself starting to internalise his bile maybe ask a friend or family member for perspective (you don't have to say why); if your table manners were that bad I'm sure someone would probably have let you know already. This should help you stay focused while you figure out what to do longer term. Don't let him provoke you into leaving (or throwing him out) before you're ready - remember that HE has had time to prepare for whatever he's planning; you're being kept in the dark and blindsided.

I didn’t realise it was possible to hate someone I’ve never met this much 😡 leave the horrible bastard

Agree. What an arsehole.

Indeed. What an arsehole. OP, you have no time to waste. Ignore the hateful comments, which they are. He's being so very very horrible. You have done nothing wrong. He's found someone else. Heart-breaking. What an absolute plank he is.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else; he's starting something up with someone much younger.

You have to be strong. Be assured it's not about you. See a lawyer and start considering your options

Cherchez La Femme...sounds like he is starting the script

he has his eye on someone else.

What Pibrea said and, i’d put my entire next month’s wages on the fact that he has another woman on the go 😡 😢 for you OP

If he’s not cheating, he’ll be doing it very soon. I’d be digging.

The mystery is why you haven’t got the “ick”way before now

On mn loads of women talk about having the ick with their dh and I always say how would you feel? Say that to him. How dare he! Hugs op

Another revolting man!! MN is full of stories of these awful cretins. I hope the feedback here, OP, gives you the strength to put him in the bin.

He 100% has had his head turned. They’re so predictable 🙄 He needs to justify his actions and to do that he needs to make EVERYTHING your fault.

Please get lawyered up. Get a handle on his finances and move any of your sole money if need be. Also, if he’s not got the ick enough to still be having sex with you tell him where he can go, possibly followed by a swift knee in the balls. He’s a horror.

Perimenopausal woman, well now you know something else. The woman who has turned his head is much younger. He’s basically told you you are unattractive due to age. Although I’m surprised he knows the term.

typical.

First post nailed it

I’m really angry with him being so nasty to you!! Spineless piece of shit. He should have the balls to own the fact he wants out. How dare he bring you down first!!

Maybe I’ll get a gardener and tell him the way he was cutting the grass gave me the ick so I got someone younger to do it 😂

Oh my God, this is just hideous - mean and unforgivable. Perimenopause has made you irritating and unattractive??! Christ.

I know it’s easy to say leave him, but honestly I would be kicking up such a stink- how dare he talk to you like this ??

This is all very strange

You despise him! He does nothing. He criticises you.

The question is…. Why don’t YOU have the “ick” about him?

He’s cheating (or is about to). Sorry OP.

Well of course the other woman will have taught him that word. He hadn’t come up with it all by himself!

joint bank account? Start quietly helping yourself if you know he won’t notice. Cash in hand is extremely useful when you’re going through life altering situations. Don’t put it in a bank account, that’ll fall into asset division. Stuff it in an old handbag at the back of your wardrobe or a tampon box, anywhere he won’t look. There’s a divorce in your future whether you want one or not, so smile, smile, plot, repeat. This will so be worth it when you lose this absolute arsewipe of a “man”.