Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

This is what pisses me off.

If you’re not happy or have found someone else then just leave.
Have a little bit of decency and admit that you’re the one at fault and it’s nothing the partner has done.

I hate that so many men have to drag women down and shatter their confidence and self esteem before leaving.
Just fucking leave!

It’s just a game to push their partner away and make them end the relationship first.

Oh fuck him!! What a twat.
You haven't changed, it's not you. It's him. He's had his head turned and is an actual arsehole. In order to make himself feel better he is blaming you and highlighting these things so that it unsettles and upsets you. Then, he can feel like he is justified in his shitty behaviour.
Maybe point out some irritating things about him, "maybe it is a menopausal thing because over the past few weeks I have realised that I really can't stand your face, it just gives me the ick".

And get a solictor!

He's too cowardly to tell you that he doesn't want to be in this relationship any more., so he's trying to put the blame on you. Kick him out and start divorce proceedings.

He’s cheating.

Another vote for the script. Get a really good solicitor

His head has been turned. At the very least.
Cue criticism of you to justify his betrayal. If you're a witch, his behaviour becomes justified.
Ducks in a row.
The script - do a Google Mumsnet search

Have read a few replies and rather than jumping to judgement and insults straight away, I want to share some positive framing. 15 years is a long time. You had a lot of success there and I'm sure a lot of happy times. Also: people change. A new job means new people and even more opportunity to grow and change.

A relationship ending doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong and he needs to stop 'blaming' you. It's okay if he no longer finds your habits or traits attractive, as you can't be attractive to everyone, but he doesn't need to phrase it as though you have done something wrong.

If it were me, I'd take charge. Tell him it sounds like you've grown apart and that's okay. Ask him if he wants to move out and suggest a plan to split finances and ensure it's as stress-free as possible for both of you. Be understanding and non-chalant, if you can. It helps if you take time to reassess your belief system / culture.

We have it drilled in to us from birth that it's meant to be two people together forever and in one house. That's totally unrealistic for the majority (for people who want to be happy). So the feeling of failure comes from society and unreasonable expectations, not the natural situation of a relationship having taken its natural course.

Omg I've just read more of the thread. The script! One day soon he'll feel like a massive bore.

He sounds awful. I think you need to start calling the shots. Sit down together ((when children are not there) and say his derogatory way of speaking to you is unacceptable and suggest a discussion about whether to continue the relationship or not. Make it clear he’s on his last chance. If he wants to go let him but you state the terms.

What your husband has is a serious case of wandering Willy - he either has or wants to cheat with someone else and needs to make you ‘awful’ to justify it.

You could wait til he cracks and admits it before you have a plan to make sure he doesn’t screw you over in the event of divorce or you could get a head start and floor him when the inevitable happens. Given his contempt for you now, he isn’t going to play fair when he’s exiting.

I’m glad you’re finding it funny! He hadn’t ground you down yet!

I would also start grey rocking him as well as what pp have already said. Arm yourself stealthily.

Oh OP, he is cheating . Mark our words🤞🤞 !
My friends husband got a new job and he completely changed. He became distant and mean. Everything about her suddenly annoyed him. Guess what? He was busy with a girl at work. Suprise suprise.. Mind you, she was heavily pregnant at the time.. It's a pity they still together. Asshole!

When men have their heads turned, they start resenting you, they get so frustrated that the one thing that is standing in the way of his new love interest is you. They get angry that that can't be with this person freely.. So they start hating you. The anger manifests in insults, breaking your esteem to feel better about themselves. So what should you do? Release him. Let him be a free bird, it won't last anyway. You deserve to be cherished and not tolerated.. Get your ducks in a row and release that bastard!!

A new woman on the job, who is noisy, vulgar and easy

I actually feel the sting from reading how he's spoken to you. I hope it's given you the ick.

Can you go out with friends once a week to replace his cancelled date night? Start a hobby that's going to raise some eyebrows -something he never thought you'd do? Basically prove you don't want/need his company anyway. Anything that would confuse the shit out of him would be time well spent.

Definitely get that gardener.

And I would really just give him a, 'I'm sorry you feel that way, darling' and matching condescending smile every time he feels he has to belittle you from now on.

I hate to say it, but yes, I agree he's probably justifying his feelings for someone else so I wouldn't let on you're bothered or suspect, and use the time to get your ducks in a row xx

@GotTheIckWithMe
If he's not having an affair then he certainly has his eye on someone
Critising you will make the eventual break if it ever came to that easier don't you think?
So you have to start to sort things out for yourself NOW
He's a tosser who'll not care how stranded you're left

I got a cleaner (with my money !) and apparently this is ‘a bad image and example to the dc), he thinks I’m lazy.

Tell him you’ve been thinking about setting the children bad examples and you agree with him, so the next time he speaks to you with anything other than respect and politeness, you will be telling him to fuck right off and giving him some home truths over habits of his that have annoyed and repulsed you over the years, but which you have accepted as part of him (make sure you have a couple of examples ready, even if it’s his stupid hair cut and massive nostrils).

I’m so sorry but if he’s not cheating, or at the very least, has a crush on another woman, I’ll eat my hat. I think you need to prepare yourself for an impending break up. I strongly advise you to start collecting financial documents re pensions etc, start stashing cash away in case credit cards linked to a joint account are cancelled and find yourself the best solicitor you can.

See a solicitor asap. He’s behaving appallingly and is being really nasty. Time for a cold hearted ultimatum-sort yourself out and treat me with respect or we’re done. Then give him your solicitors details so he knows you’re serious or just hand him divorce papers

Yikes - I would be suspicious that he’s met someone at work - perhaps that’s the reason for all the ‘overtime’.
He’s now fixating on all your ‘flaws’ so he doesn’t feel so guilty.
Sorry I don’t know how you get back from this but good luck. Please don’t let him make you feel any less of a good person…. It really isn’t you it’s him!
I’m sure you will get lots of practical advice here about making sure you are in a good place financially etc etc and that he’s not taking advantage of you and then springing a split on you at short notice.

This. Keep your head @GotTheIckWithMe sort yourself out. It's not you it's him

Every single and I mean EVERY SINGLE time I have heard and seen men start being dicks to their partner it’s because they want to relationship to end but don’t want to be the “bad guy”. Plus they’re cowards. So they start being dicks hoping she will end it and they can tell people they tried to make it work but she left them.

Oh please do this.

Something like "It's the way you kind of grunt when you have to bend over, and the way you poke your butt like an old man. It just gives me the ick .."

I've read your posts: he's being cruel and i think once cruelty comes into a relationship, it is hard to go back to really loving each other.

People say this, and I don't doubt it, but at the same time I wonder why they care so much about being the one to end it. I mean do they really have that much of a conscience?

Hmmm ... personally, given how cruel he is being, I wouldn't make it easy for him.

I don't really see the point.

Men only get the ick after they’ve got the next woman lined up. Men would NEVER risk upsetting you (and you withdrawing sx) by criticising so hard over something as silly as the way you eat…. At least, not unless they are already getting sx somewhere else.

Point blank ask who she is. If he’s confused explain what I’ve just told you - No bloke is stupid enough to speak like that to their wife, if they want to carry on sleeping with them, so he’s either discovered he’s gay or has his eye on another woman.