Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

So have you told him the things about him.that give you the ick? There must be things that younwish he didn't do or if you were unkind enough to say, actually make you a bit embarassed when out with him if not , make something up.

He sounds awful, don’t let him undermine your confidence.

Another vote for he's stepping out on you. My ex did almost the same thing. Was almost never home, I was running myself ragged, and then he would complain when I didnt fall all over myself when he actually was home. Maybe that was because he acted like a petulant child! As for him calling you lazy, he wants to keep you so busy at home, so he can control you.

Get some good legal advice and cut him loose. As the singer Sarah Hester Ross sings, if I'm too much, go find less!!

That's what I was thinking 🤔

time for psychological warfare, start telling him he looks so old/wrinkly/fat/out of shape!! check all his deleted, pull down on whatsapp for hidden/archived chats
ignore him or row with him
carry on with cleaner etc
see a solicitor and gather financial info
next time he moans tell him to look at your lips/teeth he hates so much very closely and say fuck off out the house then!!

Cherche le femme

Is it an iPhone? Go to WhatsApp and swipe down. There may be hidden messages there in locked chats or archive

Agreed!

Im sorry to say thos op but i would put money on there being another woman

I'm wondering if it might be a case of Cherchez l'homme, based on updates.
Regardless, you deserve better OP.

Wtf is wrong with him?? This is horrible. I would be apoplectic and completely blow my top.

Got second hand rage reading this one! What an absolute prick! How dare he speak to you this way. He sounds like a belittling, bullying twat - find your anger and tell him you'll not tolerate this behaviour from him. He needs to sincerely apologise to you x

Leave, get your ducks in a row first and then get out of this relationship. He's either cheating or planning to and no one should treat you the way he's treating you.

I agree with everyone here. this is NOT about you. You have done nothing wrong. I am sorry, but he does not love you any more and you would be better off out of it. Do not let him gaslight you, you deserve so much better. He is not worth a moment of your time. Good luck, sending hugs

OP I am so sorry he’s doing this to you and your heart will ache and be in so much physical pain you just wish it to stop and everything be ok, but this sounds exactly like what happened to me after 15 years my ex became unrecognisable overnight, spending more time at work, all of a sudden he cared about his appearance and started on a diet and going running, couldn’t stand to be near me because I he seemed disgusted by me, wanted more time to himself but swore there was nobody else, eventually went to stay with his mum because he wanted space to figure things out for himself, six months later he was moving into a new house with my ex best friend.
You are too good for him x

Absolute pig of a
man

"Instead of saying the relationship isn’t working for him anymore, he’s going all out insulting. He wants you to end it first, my bet is, as he doesn’t want to be the one doing it, so he's being as mean as he can, to drive u away."

This occurred to me too. He's too lazy to take action himself so wants you to do it, and he can play the injured party. Not the first man like this. Sorry op.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like he’s having a midlife crisis. Read “The Shut Out Wife” by Debra McLeod & “The Eight Stages of Midlife Crisis” by Heart’s Blessing. Also look up “The Hero’s Spouse”. She has a free online course on midlife crisis and a free Facebook group. My ex became distant then shut me out before leaving 3 years ago & is having a midlife crisis. You can and will get through this, whatever happens. Sending love your way.

Whether he is cheating, thinking of cheating, having a midlife crisis, stressed or whatever, he has crossed a horrible boundary. He is belittling you, demeaning you and trying to scapegoat you for whatever he is feeling.

No-one has the right to make you feel that way, especially not someone who is meant to love you. Leave him to his midlife crisis, emotionally distance yourself and sort your finances. If he asks just say that since that conversation you have lost respect for him as a man and just can’t look at him the same way. Plus you know about the botox and there is nothing that gives the idk more than a man in full midlife crisis mode.

i wish you the best of luck, but you deserve far more and will be happier without this emotional set of concrete shoes trying to drag you down.

I have no idea who he is, and I have the 'ick' with him.
Is it worth trying counselling?
Or sit down with him, no DC around, not in your home, and have a real talk about this? Ask the awkward questions?
What outcome would you like? Can you accept that the relationship may be over?
So sorry, & so hard for you. Prepare beforehand with legal advice though.
He sounds like a canute of the highest order. (Sorry if I missed it, but how old are your DC?). Gather those ducks lovely, and if he is like this after 15 years he just isn't worth your pain. Or get in first & dump the B.

That is awful, you poor thing. I hope they broke up and that you're living your best life now you're rid of him.

I think he has a burner phone. Or else he's got an app on his phone that hides things. It's possible to have a whole second set of apps hidden.

Oh it sounds like the Script, im sorry. Get your ducks in a row. If it isnt then how are you meant to come back from this, you'd just have it in your head all the time when you ate? Disrespectful prick either way criticising you, of course you deserve better OP. Someone who adores everything about you, you won't regret leaving when you look back at how all this made you feel one day, believe me as I've been in something similar once. Begged him not to go (like an idiot) but treated me like shit in the end to make himself feel better (the old story!!) and yep, he had someone else waiting in the wings of course.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, OP.

I know you know this already, but none of this is your fault.
Like others here, I suspect he has found somebody else and so - psychologically - it's easier to deal with the guilt and shame for him if he 'others' you and reassures himself of the falsehood that you are somehow awful and unworthy (you aren't and you aren't; this is all on him).

I'd agree with the others; ducks in a row. Sorry.

hi @GotTheIckWithMe please remember that this vile spiel is a reflection of him not you, you don’t deserve that from a stranger let alone your own husband! did you check every app because app icons and names can be changed? or is a secret phone possible? something tells me he has met a gullible woman and you’re his security blanket between the sudden switch in his treatment of you and the new job, it definitely sounds like it to me, or potentially he’s got his beady eye on someone because he misses the thrill of the chase. please fight back, don’t let him crush your spirit because if you do, you’re right where he wants you., i would also secretly record conversations and keep a written note of all the behaviour because a venomous cockrot of a man like that can turn the tables twist the narrative and make the distrust of your mind set in hard and fast as i’ve seen a million times over.. if you’re able to save up behind the fucker’s back then full steam ahead. if you decide to get off the train to hell at the first available stop, be prepared and keep in mind that there are many men out there who would love you the way every woman should be loved and more. i really really hope you find yourself in a positivity and love filled chapter very very soon