Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

Oh bless you what a terrible thing to do to someone you 'love'! Sorrry but he sounds incredibly nasty and controlling, is there any way you can leave? Are there children involved? Do you have any family support?

Or even worse - he still “cares” for her 😫

OP whatever you know now is the tip of iceberg. Brace yourself, and find a good solicitor and get some reliable friends and family ready to support you through this.

He’s definitely cheating or wants to be. I would be very shocked if he wasn’t.

Definitely speak to a good solicitor, get hold of his pension info it you can and screenshots of any joint assets.

Ahhhh, sounds like he’s hit what I call ‘midlife crisis age’ in men (not all might I add). Have seen 2 of my friends go through this in their marriages, it’s like the husband goes off the rails and has some sort of bloody mental breakdown. Wants to suddenly ‘reinvent’ themselves! It’s horrible and nasty when they do this and ends up tantamount to psychological abuse in my eyes. Sometimes another woman is an option, but not always. Time to get ready to get yourself out of there or get him out of there OP.

This sounds SO familiar. The prequel to my ex husband leaving me (and our child) was a sudden onset of constant carping criticism of me and everything I said or did. Nothing about me was right and life with him became unbearable. Mine wasn't having a physical affair but an emotional one with female drinking mates from work. (one of whom eventually drank herself to death) They egged him on, encouraging him to leave me. I think one certainly hoped he'd leave me for her, but in fact he moved on very quickly. I would prepare yourself that he is looking for an excuse to leave you and when he does it'll all be your fault (according to him that is...) If this happens you will be OK. You'll realise in the end you deserve so much better than him.

He sounds vile!
It is not you, it most definitely is him. His head has been turned. Get your ducks in a row and plan to leave his sorry arse.
You deserve better.

Look for a boyfriend then a divorce. It sounds to me as if he has found someone else and is trying desperately to justify it to himself.

I wouldn't put up with that OP! Who does he think he is!?

My DP of 10 years was acting like that with me, criticizing everything I did and talking down to me. Meanwhile telling me I've changed even though I'm the same person he was just suddenly irritated by everything I did. We split up in April because I'd finally snapped and couldn't take it any more. I'm so much happier without him. No longer on eggshells and feeling judged. He's still making like difficult for me where he can and we have a 2 year old DS so I can't avoid him completely, but I feel relieved that I'm not longer with a man who doesn't appreciate me.

If you don’t keep your mouth shut while eating, or talk with your mouth full, I do have some sympathy! We used to have a friend with dreadful table manners and I well remember dds arguing about which of them was NOT going to sit opposite him - it was so gross.

Assuming no SN, there is no excuse for adults eating/talking with their mouth open.

What exactly is it that he objects to?

ODFOD

After reading your updates, and having a similar thing happen to me, all I have to say is; it won't get better, he is probably cheating and making you out to be something awful as an excuse to carry on cheating.

Anyway, fuck him and get rid.

It wouldn't matter to me what he was doing all this image overhaul for, what he said to you and how he treated you is not something you can come back from. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I wouldn't even talk to someone I disliked in that manner, but the fact he thinks it is okay to talk to you like that and that you will stay/put up with it speaks volumes. He thinks he has all the power and control.

Take your control and power back. Make arrangements to leave him. You deserve better.

Sorry hes either cheating or wanting you to initiate a separation. He will do this so he can say you initiated Divorce. What a foul horrible human being. Men are always spiteful and horrible when they font want you anymore. Lay your plans gather your strength. So glad you are working full time. Ps hes a prick.

Regardless of him cheating, he’s treating you abhorrently. Do you want to stay with someone who is making you feel anxious about every aspect of your personality?

for what it’s worth having a cleaner is a great way of teaching your dc it’s a job in itself, that it should be respected and spreads your wealth around creating jobs and boosting the economy. it teaches equality and it’s not women’s work. He is not a great model as a father for treating you so disrespectfully and making it out to be women’s work.

Spare phone or he deletes instantly.

My friend's exH did this. Even criticised her laugh. He was shagging someone else.

Even if he hasn’t got another woman or an ‘excuse’, the things he’s said to you are absolutely disgusting and shouldn’t be shrugged off. LTB.

Hope your doing ok OP. I have only read the first page of comments but unfortunately I agree with them. He's on his way out, and after what he said to you so he should be. No way could he ever take those words back.
Get your ducks in a row, see a solicitor and find someone better.

BOTOX!!! He may as well have left a google tab open entitled “ i want to run off with my crush ?”

There are ways to hide messages (I think there is a secret app?), so don't assume he's not messaging anyone. Sending hugs to you, it must be such a confusing time. Please try and find your anger as it will help to stand up to him. It's not you, it's him! Xx

Yeah I recently found out you can lock and hide chat on WhatsApp. I think if you pull down on the main screen it will show if there are any.

OP can cite ‘unreasonable behaviour’ - ie the emotional abuse.

OP start logging it.

Affair or otherwise is irrelevant

Tell him you think he's ageing around the eyes & perhaps he might think of getting some Botox. But of course, it would be a bad example for the children.

He's a cowardly prick. He's chastising you for the pettiest things... clutching at straws to justify his disloyalty.

I must admit, this was my thinking too.