Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

Leave him

Dump him now

Definitely possible, OP. I know someone who imploded his relationship for a work crush. She was a bit freaked out when he told her she was the reason he’d left his wife and kids. But it happens! And I agree with others, this stuff doesn’t usually happen unless there is another woman.

The Botox and gym membership etc, it does sound like he’s trying to get himself in shape so he can hook somebody else, and the fact this all started when he got a new job - I’d bet money that he has his eye on a particular woman.

I’m sorry, but I hope it helps to know that is likely nothing at all to do with you personally. It’s not the way you eat or anything like that. He’s looking for excuses so he can justify what’s in his head.

edited to add, it could be a hidden app, communicating on a work’s email system, has her name saved as a man’s name and/or deletes everything as soon as it’s sent or received.

Change all of your own passwords on absoluutely EVERYTHING immediately. These sorts of men are VERY controlling

So many people saying he's probably got a second phone. It's really not necessary. He's probably got Telegram with the app hidden and notifications off.

Is he on social media much and what is he watching on there if he is? I wonder if he’s got into andrew tate and that lot

OP you don’t deserve this, what a horrible man, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately I’m another one who is fully convinced there’s someone else. Regardless of whether there is or not, you deserve to live a better life than this 💐

He’s crushing your self esteem, and making you a scapegoat. He’s cheating or planning to and this way, it’s all your fault. Personally, next time he says anything, I’d tell him, he knows where the door is because if he feels that way , there’s no point staying

He is cheating with a younger model.

Doesn't need to be a younger model. These men would shag the crack of dawn if it had hair on it.

He's got the eye for someone at work big time and he's picking fault with you to justify to himself what he wants to do.

All the Botox, weights etc suggests this woman doesn't know he exists (why would he think he needs all that if she was into him?) and he's taking his anger out on you..

I would seize the momentum, if I were you. Tell him his incessant moaning and whinnying about your faults has emasculated him in your eyes and given you the ick. Sit him down and tell him, all serious like, as if it pains you to impart the news that he's no longer manly in your eyes

Then up and out, withdraw all niceties, do the bare minimum, start acting like he doesn't exist , new clothes, start gallivanting, let his whinging wash over you. 'oh, really? that's nice, dear'.

You won't regret it.

I have been in the situation before where someone was annoying me and everything they did then became irritating. BUT - I realized it was something in me and worked on that, rather than blaming the other person for it. I would never dream of behaving like he has. Whether it is a mid life crisis, or cover for cheating, you do not deserve this. Get ready to get out of this - this man is not a good person.

The phone isn’t always the evidence op the fact he’s trying to look better is more of a sign someone has caught his eye. Messages can be easily deleted. I would concentrate on what you want now. He’s not likely to reverse his feelings. I hope you have started to stop anything relating to him. Show him a real lazy selfish person.

Maybe there are a few women at his new workplace, younger obvs, who he likes the look of and he is getting in shape and having botox in preparation for trying it on with them. Your eating habits are just something he has picked on because he wants to justify starting a pulling campaign. He is just a basic knob.

Sorry haven't read all the subsequent comments so someone else may have mentioned this, but I've seen other threads like this son here that say there is a way of making certain WhatsApp chats secret and they only appear if you type a "password" into the search bar of WhatsApp! Not 100% sure that's true but could be what's happening.

Have you checked banking apps for unusual spends?

look for a burner phone!!!

he is cheating . 💯

have you considered hiring a private detective?

This is exactly how “the script” started with my EX BIL he told my sister she gave him the ick/ didn’t fancy her /her health issues were off putting 😵‍💫😬 then week by week the affair came out. Urgh

My husband said the way I ate irritated him after he had an affair years ago. Never said this or seemed bothered by it in the 6 years beforehand, then suddenly said he hated how I ate!
This was 20 years ago, but I still remember it and felt hurt and confused by it. Sometimes now if I am eating opposite I feel so self conscious and wonder if he still thinks this.
One of our children has been diagnosed with autism and I have read it can be a common autistic trait. My son also gets very irritated with how people eat.
Thinking about it at the time it was probably pushing some blame on me for his own actions.
I hope you can resolve things in a way that’s good for you, as it doesn’t sound like he is being nice for whatever reason.

Id leave him for his abusive behaviour

yes he almost certainly has a crush on- id not wait for it to pass

you are worthy of a respectful relationship

Sounds like he fancy someone younger at work. I am sorry op.

Seems to be a guilt based reaction from him. An affair most probable imo. With my ex it turned out to be concealed coke and gambling addictions leading to a cycle of abuse. Bottom line is it’s not acceptable behaviour whatever the reason. Line up the ducks and flee, don’t look back. There is a better life for you apart from him and his shitty behaviour

Do you not have the ick about him? If my DH started getting botox, not pulling his weight around the house and wanging on about me being lazy because we have a cleaner then I think my vagina would clamp shut.

Your husband is a pig.

Is he a 14 year old boy? What grown man describes the mother of his children as giving him the ‘ick’. Grow up.

He’s having a midlife crisis, and thinks someone younger at work might fancy him. He’s laying the groundwork in case he gets lucky, so it’ll all be your fault.

What an absolute twat he is.

Get things in order and kick him to the kerb- you don’t need that in your life (nobody does).

Lawyer up and harden your heart, OP. It really isn't you, but you can't stay married to him anyway, so it doesn't matter what he thinks.

This. He is being unfaithful or at the very least fancies someone he's met through work and wants to be unfiathful. But whichever it is, you can't stay with someone who is horrible to you. It is a waste of your life. In idiot logic, he doesn't want to be the bad guy by ending it but in reality he's being worse by choosing to be fucking cruel to you to ease the pressure building up in his pants head from wanting the new person. Get your financial and legal ducks in a row.

Were you always anxious about eating out or did that happen after meeting him?