Are these comments about his stepdaughter and young women red flags?

[NanaNanu]

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

He talks about his children a lot, they are all in their twenties and for the most part, they have all done well for themselves and he is very proud of them. I have met them all and get on with them, they all seem very well rounded, happy people with good jobs and lives. On quite a few occasions, he has mentioned his stepdaughter, how stunning she was before she got married and had a family, how she was so curvy etc. etc. I thought it a bit over the top but let it go. Then a few days ago we had a few drinks together and we were discussing careers and the struggle young people have nowadays getting on the property ladder etc. He said: "Stepdaughter is so sexy..... oops I can't get the words right... I mean stepdaughter is so SUCCESSFUL". Having had a bit to drink I laughed it off, but the next day thought it was really out of order. Like in vino veritas?

I had a horse when I was a teenager through to my twenties and we walked past the local riding stables. Another odd comment: "Ah imagine that's where all the lovely long-haired..... oops I mean all the young girls that love horses just like you did go".

Red flags or not? There are other odd things that he's said. But I think those two are bad enough...?

He's disgusting. Also negging you, get rid.

He’s a perv and I’d bet money on him having erectile dysfunction.

I also think ed. 8 months no sex. Won’t even try, he’s trying to make you think it’s you and not him,

it’s him,

He’s gross get rid

Hanging about for 8 months with no sex and being rejected is wild though.

This man wants you to provide cover & legitimacy for him OP. If people see that he's in a relationship with a woman of his own age they are less likely to see him as a threat.

To everyone who thinks it strange that we haven't had sex yet, I think a big part of that was that we only had one or two dates every couple of weeks at first due to us both working shifts and other responsibilities, so it took a good four months or so before I even went to his house and him to mine. I did just think he was taking it slow, and it made a really nice change from a lot of other men I've dated who just seemed to want sex straight away. I didn't want to be pushy, and in the past, relationships I've had where sex happened quickly never seemed to last, so he seemed like a breath of fresh air.

I always got the feeling though... still do... that he doesn't really fancy me... he never seems to want to kiss me. Nine times out of ten it's me going to kiss him. Or so it seems. He made it very clear that he wanted to take his time getting to know me, he was married for quite a long time, over 15 years I think. Sometimes when I kiss him, on the face or neck, he will rub his hand over the area as if I have irritated it!

Now and then he will grab hold of me, but it never goes anywhere really. When we first tried to have sex, he had ED, he said he was nervous but that he had had erections thinking about me. So I was patient. I didn't want to make it all about sex. So I tried to keep my sex drive in check, but then I stopped approaching him, stopped trying. I've noticed he never, ever tries. He has not really tried at all. The only time he seemed to manage to get any kind of erection and then have an orgasm was when my own long hair was in a plait..... I didn't really join the dots.... but now I am...

I snooped on his laptop last night and he doesn't seem to look at porn at all, but looks at a lot of pictures on Facebook and on the dreaded Instagram, which seems to cause a lot of problems for a lot of relationships, if what I read on here is right. Worryingly he is following what appear to be some girls in their late teens, one looks like a semi-professional archer, the other a very skilled teen piano player, both have Instagram, but I've noticed a theme..... long plaits or bunches. There's nothing else dodgy or pervy, but that is bad enough. He doesn't know either of them, he's not interested in sports at all, nor classical music. And bingo, he regularly looks at photos of his stepdaughter! Photos from way back as well, when she was a teenager! She is coming up 30 now and has a family of her own. He looks at something like 10 to 20 images of her a few times a week!

I've posted on here because I really did wonder if what he said was accidental. But looking at his Google history, I now pretty much have confirmation that he's a perv and the alcohol revealed the real person.

Yes, see my update.

I don't have daughters, no. Interestingly he met his ex when her daughter was 4 years old I think. I do wonder. There's no major disparity in income or status. I'm now starting to think he's with me for company and support, now and later on in life.

But I'm really starting to wonder...

He has always said he doesn't know why he has ED as he is attracted to me, but has never done anything about it.

No he’s an absolute pervert. Get rid.

This is so disconcerting, not least as you continue to date him, please raise your bar and end this.

I plan to end it. I suppose as an earlier poster said, watch and wait, but I've been doing that for months now and I really wanted to be 100% sure that I was seeing things clearly. I am, he's put his foot right in it, his Facebook tells the story. It seems he is highly attracted to his stepdaughter. So she is now in her late twenties. But he's going through photos of her in tight dresses and with different hairstyles regularly. Late at night. Middle of the night.

Need to find a bucket to throw up in now...

Oh blimey your update is worse than the original post

Why do you even need to ask???

I have just read your updates. Dear God. I’m sorry but he’s a paedophile. You’ve found the “PG” version, there will undoubtedly be worse to uncover. If he’s known his step daughter since she was 4 then it’s utterly sickening.

This!

The fact that you think she should keep seeing anything of this man explains all the creeps out there who've managed to find women to marry them! Do you really think a man who talks like this could be a good man really?

Creep
Deviant
I hope you have no problems deleting this guy.

Get rid

GRIM!

I'd be very tempted to contact the ex or the step daughter to inform/warn her of the disturbing stalking so that she can block him. Disgusting pig. Well done for checking OP. Xx

No sex in 8 months? I’d say you’re just a companion to him not a sexual being. Talking about his step daughters curves is incredibly weird. I’d say he’s not attracted to women his own age.

Ewww, no. I'm old but this is boiled frog territory.

How can this not turn you off totally?

Dump him and do it now not later ffs

he’s a prev and it won’t get better either

I'm not going to interfere. He is very involved in taking care of her family and if I said anything to her, it would cause a huge problem.

This may well have been a major reason as to why his wife divorced him. He said he didn't want a divorce. I don't know him well enough and who knows what was going on when his family were children, teenagers.... I dread to think, it could be worst case scenario..... but then I doubt very much that she would be having anything at all to do with him now if he had abused her in the past. She leans on him heavily for a lot of support with her home and children.

I just want to be done with it, walk away and not cause any problems. I have no evidence that he has actually committed a crime. It's clear that he lusts after her, she is in her late twenties, he also once made an odd comment about another daughter, but linked it to a sport she was once passionate about, so I wasn't sure but yes, my gut was screaming.

Now I know for sure there is something wrong with him, I can let it go without any doubts in my mind. What he does now, how his family feel about him, what he wants, feels, what has happened before, is none of my business.