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Relationships

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Are these comments about his stepdaughter and young women red flags?

119 replies

NanaNanu · 18/06/2026 01:43

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

He talks about his children a lot, they are all in their twenties and for the most part, they have all done well for themselves and he is very proud of them. I have met them all and get on with them, they all seem very well rounded, happy people with good jobs and lives. On quite a few occasions, he has mentioned his stepdaughter, how stunning she was before she got married and had a family, how she was so curvy etc. etc. I thought it a bit over the top but let it go. Then a few days ago we had a few drinks together and we were discussing careers and the struggle young people have nowadays getting on the property ladder etc. He said: "Stepdaughter is so sexy..... oops I can't get the words right... I mean stepdaughter is so SUCCESSFUL". Having had a bit to drink I laughed it off, but the next day thought it was really out of order. Like in vino veritas?

I had a horse when I was a teenager through to my twenties and we walked past the local riding stables. Another odd comment: "Ah imagine that's where all the lovely long-haired..... oops I mean all the young girls that love horses just like you did go".

Red flags or not? There are other odd things that he's said. But I think those two are bad enough...?

OP posts:
ClearFruit · 18/06/2026 08:24

Run.

Owly11 · 18/06/2026 08:29

Have you got daughters? Because it sounds like he was with his previous partner because of her daughter. Or is there disparity in your housing status/wealth? I would be wondering why he is with you if the two of you are not having sex. Either way he sounds gross so it would be a no from me.

HighHeelsRedLips · 18/06/2026 08:30

Gross! Not something to laugh about regardless of how much you had to drink. He makes comments about his stepdaughter being sexy? How long has he been ‘stepfather’ for? How old was his stepdaughter when they were first introduced? He is a despicable creep!

bunsnroses1 · 18/06/2026 08:31

Your spider senses are tingling for a reason. The reason he's not interested in sex with you is because his interests are elsewhere. A few drinks and his masked slipped enough to reveal a depraved sicko.

moderate · 18/06/2026 08:47

Are these “slip-ups” as deliberate as they come across in the telling?

If so, the mind boggles as to what he’s testing you for and whether anyone has “passed” this test for him before.

Thebigonesgetaway · 18/06/2026 08:50

Or he is trying to make you jealous and cover up he’s got ed.

godmum56 · 18/06/2026 08:55

GimmieABreakOr3 · 18/06/2026 06:45

Why is the bar so low for men?

of course get rid, why do you even need to make a post about this

this. How could you think those things are not red flags?

LaurieFairyCake · 18/06/2026 08:56

I’m guessing if you saw his pornography usage it would be all stepdaughter content

which is GROTESQUE

SpottyPyjama · 18/06/2026 08:59

He’s disgusting.

FartSock5000 · 18/06/2026 09:02

Ewww he wants to boink his poor stepdaughter. What a disgusting beast.

He's not having sex with you because he has erectile disfunction. Probably from too much drinking or death-gripping while wanking.

He's a walking red flag for so many reasons, OP. You can do better.

Missj25 · 18/06/2026 09:09

NanaNanu · 18/06/2026 01:43

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

He talks about his children a lot, they are all in their twenties and for the most part, they have all done well for themselves and he is very proud of them. I have met them all and get on with them, they all seem very well rounded, happy people with good jobs and lives. On quite a few occasions, he has mentioned his stepdaughter, how stunning she was before she got married and had a family, how she was so curvy etc. etc. I thought it a bit over the top but let it go. Then a few days ago we had a few drinks together and we were discussing careers and the struggle young people have nowadays getting on the property ladder etc. He said: "Stepdaughter is so sexy..... oops I can't get the words right... I mean stepdaughter is so SUCCESSFUL". Having had a bit to drink I laughed it off, but the next day thought it was really out of order. Like in vino veritas?

I had a horse when I was a teenager through to my twenties and we walked past the local riding stables. Another odd comment: "Ah imagine that's where all the lovely long-haired..... oops I mean all the young girls that love horses just like you did go".

Red flags or not? There are other odd things that he's said. But I think those two are bad enough...?

Need you even ask !
He’s a fucking freak .
Speaking about his step daughter like that 🤮.
No sex for 8 months, like WTAF .

Pinkdayss · 18/06/2026 09:25

DoAWheelie · 18/06/2026 02:49

Massive red flag. He's only into people much younger which is why he's not sleeping with you. He is a disgusting pervert, get rid.

This.
He's a real creep.

Squirrel60 · 18/06/2026 09:36

Dump him fast, block him in every way you can, he sounds like a predator....

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 18/06/2026 09:42

He sounds like an incestuous predator who's using you as a beard! Yes, please get rid!

If it was safe to do so, I'd also be checking his bloody phone or hard drive before the dump.

zingally · 18/06/2026 09:42

I'm very much getting vibes of "he's only sexually attracted to younger, very pretty women, but is in a relationship with you for the companionship and being seen to be doing the socially normal thing of having a partner. Not because he wants to sleep with you."
8 months isn't "taking it slow". 8 months is "he's not interested in you physically."
If you are content to have a sex-less, companionship-based relationship (and many people are!), then by all means, carry on. But only you can decide that.

WestwardHo1 · 18/06/2026 09:45

Oh for goodness sake

Jasmin71 · 18/06/2026 09:45

Throw this one back

Beeloux · 18/06/2026 09:53

Sounds like a dirty old pervert.

I’m in my late twenties and get told I’m somewhat attractive. The amount of dirty old perverts who have tried to chat me up makes me feel a bit sick. I think a lot of them either have magic mirrors or are delusional.

Why the hell would a woman in her twenties be interested in a middle aged man unless he’s rich.

You can do much better OP. Also why hasn’t he initiated sex in 8 months?! Is there something wrong with his downstairs department?

Happyjoe · 18/06/2026 10:13

Oh no. Life is too short to be with pervs, thought that would have been apparent as soon as he's said this stuff. I would actually be concerned for the step daughter here too.

Laurmolonlabe · 18/06/2026 12:25

Step fathers sleeping with stepdaughters (or trying to) is sadly very common, my stepfather tried to sleep with me when I was a teenager.
Despite refusing it still ruined my relationship with my mother, as she refused to believe it. I would say it is a massive red flag- a decent man doesn't think like that.

Userengage · 18/06/2026 12:59

Goddammit, just dump him.

LBFseBrom · 18/06/2026 13:00

You don't need this man.

u3ername · 18/06/2026 13:12

PineConeOrDogPoo · 18/06/2026 06:42

‘Be warned, women today are very rude sometimes regardless of how polite your approach may be. It’s not you, they’ve change. They are sick.’

’I second this. Cold approaching is risky these days because of their attitude and sense of entitlement.’

‘Male or female, I default to wanting to punch unjustified rudeness.’

The thread you’ve linked is leaving me speechless. It all got worse with the internet, didn’t it - all sorts of hatred normalised.

PineConeOrDogPoo · 18/06/2026 13:39

u3ername · 18/06/2026 13:12

‘Be warned, women today are very rude sometimes regardless of how polite your approach may be. It’s not you, they’ve change. They are sick.’

’I second this. Cold approaching is risky these days because of their attitude and sense of entitlement.’

‘Male or female, I default to wanting to punch unjustified rudeness.’

The thread you’ve linked is leaving me speechless. It all got worse with the internet, didn’t it - all sorts of hatred normalised.

If you frequent the Male Divorce forums you can learn a lot about the way men who have been unsuccessful in long term relationships think. Many make themselves into the victim but not all.

And of course these will be the people on the dating market (for OP and other people on here). Forewarned is forearmed. They are not shy to say what they think amongst men but they also sometimes fair.

Goditsmemargaret · 18/06/2026 14:39

Bloody hell OP run!!! That is disgusting. And as for hanging around for 8 months with no sex... Fuck that.

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