Are these comments about his stepdaughter and young women red flags?

[NanaNanu]

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

He talks about his children a lot, they are all in their twenties and for the most part, they have all done well for themselves and he is very proud of them. I have met them all and get on with them, they all seem very well rounded, happy people with good jobs and lives. On quite a few occasions, he has mentioned his stepdaughter, how stunning she was before she got married and had a family, how she was so curvy etc. etc. I thought it a bit over the top but let it go. Then a few days ago we had a few drinks together and we were discussing careers and the struggle young people have nowadays getting on the property ladder etc. He said: "Stepdaughter is so sexy..... oops I can't get the words right... I mean stepdaughter is so SUCCESSFUL". Having had a bit to drink I laughed it off, but the next day thought it was really out of order. Like in vino veritas?

I had a horse when I was a teenager through to my twenties and we walked past the local riding stables. Another odd comment: "Ah imagine that's where all the lovely long-haired..... oops I mean all the young girls that love horses just like you did go".

Red flags or not? There are other odd things that he's said. But I think those two are bad enough...?

Run for the hills.

Comments like "I’m rarely attracted to women over 30. Personality, and physically. I like women to still have that sparkle of hope in their eyes. And skin that has firmness."

Or.

"I got divorced at 50, my wife was 35. I was always proud of landing the younger wife. I figured I would be alone the rest of my life because I am finally old and the girls I like are still 35 lol. '

from their own mouths might help make it clear this is not an unusual point if view for older men.

Just read this - horrific mentality which shows how deluded some men are.

The comments are appalling as well!

The fact that you haven’t had sex and you don’t know why is concerning. Have you not had a conversation about it? If not why not?
The ‘slip ups’ about young women is grim. I’d be put off.

This I'm afraid, OP.

And as for this comment Keep being observant for a little while. she's been observant for the last 8 months!

She can see who he is.

What am I even reading, how do you not know the answer ?

"Yes I relate.. For me, I loved her and loved being married to her, but her face looked like miss piggy once she gained the weight. She even started wearing fake eyelashes and hair extensions in later years to feel prettier and I'd have to fake liking it when it just enhanced the miss piggy effect.."

Comments like this you mean?

eurgh

Sickening! Feel so sorry for any of the women who were involved with them.

If you have to ask if a red flag is a red flag, it's probably a string of bunting?

He sounds like a pervy kid bragger.

Is he Trump?

Makes you wonder why his marriage ended?

The lack of sex in 8 months is a big concern, especially if you've been trying to initiate. Either he's got ED, a very small dick, or he's simply not attracted to you in that way.

His comments about his SD are vile. What's the story there? Has he raised this woman since she was a small child, as his own? If so, even more yuk. The comment he made about her being lovely BEFORE she got married and had kids sort of reveals his mentality about more mature women/mothers.

There are enough red flags with this one that would make me walk away.

That gives me the ick. It’s the use of the word ‘sexy’ and ‘curvy’ rather than the less provocative ‘attractive’ or ‘pretty’. Some women are stunners, and it’s not wrong to acknowledge this, but is the language used.

The fact that you’re questioning it is enough. Listen to your gut.

Quite apart from the inappropriate comments, which are grim, but other posters have covered, how did you get to eight months without being able to discuss intimacy?

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

Eight months is early days in terms of commitment, future planning, etc, but not in terms of communication, intimacy, etc. It’s called the ‘honeymoon’ stage for a reason! Please, for future relationships, set your expectations higher!

’Not for want of you trying’ suggests your needs aren’t being met. Why have you stayed with someone you’re not compatible with? Again, next time, prioritise your own needs!

‘Seems’, ‘thought’, ‘not so sure’: have you asked?

Lovely, ditch this one, but do some serious work on your own boundaries and expectations before you date the next one!

He sounds like a pervert, get rid

@OvernightBloats i don't know whether to be angry at or applaud you for linking that thread 🤦🏻‍♀️ 😂

🤮🤮🤮

The fact you've been dating for 8 months, met his family but no sex is very odd. Unless he's religious or wants some kind of formal commitment before sex, then this is a red flag in itself.

Have you not discussed the lack of sex with him? Is he affectionate with you? I would be wondering if he has ED.

He seems to have an unhealthy interest in his (I assume former) step-daughter. His comments are definitely creepy old man vibes, that no young woman (or older one) need to hear or know about. He seems to be interested in much younger women in a sexual way.

I'd be ending the relationship for the lack of sex, and that's without the rest!

It was @PineConeOrDogPoo who found it and linked it first.

I was replying to her. It's a horrible read, isn't it?! This men seem to be proud of these attitudes!

If you have to ask if those comments are red flags then I'd say you shouldn't be dating. You sound vulnerable if you are in your 40's and are not sure whether his comments are inappropriate.
Of course they're inappropriate, he's into young girls, what more do you need to know?

Oh God, I've just read this. I feel sorry for the woman they're discussing on the dog walking trail who is likely going to get hit on by the sad loser who created that Reddit thread. Also, the way they talk about older women - as though they themselves are all perfect specimens an d not aging/sagging/wrinkling. They all seem to think they're such a catch and that anyone 15-20yrs younger would be lucky to have them, and the women are 'rude' and 'entitled' if they rebuff them. This is why, as a woman of 60, recently widowed, I'll never look for another man. If this is their thinking then only 80yr olds will be interested in me!

He fancied his step daughter. Seems like a massive red flag 🚩

Red flag. I’d not see these as slips. It’s intentional. He’s doing it to judge your reaction and how far he can push your boundaries. My mum married a man just like this. It started on their first date with him sharing wildly inappropriate things about his own daughter. But because it started small, the grooming was incremental and she didn’t notice it. But the rest of us did. He is, in fact, a convicted child sexual offender and she thinks it’s fine “because he wouldn’t abuse any children close to me” 😳 (we are NC with both of them now). But the slide into it started just like this. It sounds like an awful relationship anyway (probably stifled because of his sexual attraction to children instead of middle aged women). Drop him like a sack of potatoes.

Hard agree.