Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided - part 2

[mummy917]

Made a new thread as the original one is almost full 😊rel

I love this. Literally ask him, what is best for you then. Or if he replies “so and so is best for me” just reply “there are 6 people to consider here. What makes you think any of this is about what you want or need”

Fucker

As much as I’d love to say that to him, he knows that I am going to have to work around when I have the kids and I don’t have the luxury of just not working any shifts on a weekend when they’re with him 😩

Hi op he’s not doing too good in the communication department with his kids. when you say you have them until his next weekend when is that. Let’s hope he starts realising that he’s a dad on all days.

Hi @mummy917

I must have missed something - why isn't he having them at all during the week?

Well yes but that doesnt mean allowing him to keep thinking he can dictate and you can't.

Just saying it makes the point that this isnt just about what he wants and whats best for him, and that although in the past he could bully and belittle you until he got his own way, he lost that when he moved out. He is in the hands of the legal system now, and they are not kindly disposed to demanding arseholes!

Why do you think that so many divorces end up with court battles? Because men like this simply cannot comprehend anyone saying no to them.

“Sorting out the house once he’s paid”. I have always said I won’t force him to have them and if he chooses not to, then it’s more for me to present to a court if it ever becomes necessary.

I will continue to offer for him to take them out/spend time with them in some way through the week but can’t guarantee he will take me up on that offer.

I think its more to point out to him the ridiculousness of his requests. By telling him you want the same, it will most likely prompt him to say its not possible and then you can ask why he is entitled to those 3 child free and work free days and you are not. It sounds like you need to very bluntly point out the hypocrisy because his plans are all weighted to his wants, not the children's and not yours and he needs it pointed out.

So it's going to take him 2 weeks to buy cutlery, duvets etc etc.

There We Are Then.

BTW I have started using this phrase when my DP says something REALLY annoying 🤣

Yes you’re right and it’s very true what you’re saying.

I will put this into a text tomorrow. It’s been a testing weekend for all of us and I don’t want to get into any sort of argument at this time of night xx

There We Are Then is just the best acronym ever 🤣 I also use it in everyday life too, even not related to this situation hahaha.

Well the clever clogs hasn’t bothered to even take 1 day of annual leave to go out and buy stuff he needs for the house all in a oner when he has been paid, so he “can only get it on certain days”. The big B&M close by to both of us is open till 8pm. He finishes at 5. Just another case of There We Are Then.

If he wanted to, he would!

I sent over a bag of toys and a bag of clothes when i separated from ex so LO could have his own things there etc.

Has he booked any annual leave for the schools hols? Mine are off 7 1/2 weeks!

This exactly! He doesn’t want to so he hasn’t!

The kids picked some toys and teddies from here on Friday that they wanted to keep at their dad’s.

We had a holiday booked, just in the UK for August that we both put annual leave in for, but now it’s only me going with the kids. And when I said to him a few days ago, about changing that week of annual leave as he’s not coming on the holiday now, so he could take a different week in the school holidays, he simply said he wasn’t going to do that as he “wants that week off to rest and recharge” 🤯

So in short, no. He’s not considered the school holidays at all. I’ve booked 2 weeks in August; one for the week we are away and the one following it.

Yes but presumably you get days off?
So tell him he has the kids on your days off. At least every second week.
Obv if your days off aren’t together then you don’t get the same break he does but make sure you are getting days to yourself too.

Maybe list each of your time with the DC suggestions.. all of which he has turned down and he refused to discuss on Sunday am. These are the options I have suggested so far. Let me know which you prefer

He will either ignore... and then you can resend and say this does need discussing. or he will make some other unworkable suggestion which will be less than 50 50 or will illustrate how he's trying to get out of it.

It’s been said several times before but prince among men he really is! Well done OP you just sound absolutely amazing and the whole of mumsnet knows you’ve got this

Yeah I get days off. I’ll suggest this to him but I definitely know the gist of his response already 🤣

I need to put a flexible working plan in place with my workplace once we have got a schedule agreed so I’ll be able to work around having the kids. Honestly my head hurts thinking about it all.

Thank you, that’s absolutely lovely of you 🥹

Honestly he cracks me up! The poor lamb needs a lot of rest 😂
clearly needs to brush up on his maths too re the meaning of 50/50….
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: you are a queen ❤️

Me too!

Have you asked him how he plans on covering 50% of the holidays? Because that’s the reality of 50:50…

OP you know you’re going to need to make a new thread …

It really is all about him isn't it ... at your expense ... so he doesn't have to pay maintenance or do weekends. Fucker.

So has he got lots of annual leave?!

He's got to cover his 50% of the school holidays...

‘Fred, how were you planning on covering your 50% of the school holidays? I thought I’d better remind you, as it’s a new arrangement.’

Yes, and that would just demonstrate how ridiculous he's being. Time off from parenting! A whole weekend "off", regularly, from your three toddlers and older child! That's kind of the thing about parenting - you don't get time off! (Not regular whole blocks of days and nights, anyway, which is different from a few hours to see friends or whatever.)

It's annoying to hear about him getting all protective of "my time off." He doesn't seem very grateful to have children.