Holiday - not going great

[foodlovefood]

I am not too sure if I am in slump, self sabotaging or justified.

been with DP for over 4 years. We are mid 40s and own our own homes. But he practically lives with me and selling his house to properly move in. Year 2 we had a rough patch at split up for 6 weeks. Got back together and we have been getting on well. But since he has put his house on the market I am having second thoughts.

I can’t really put my finger on what annoys me. Maybe I feel lonely. He doesn’t handle stress well, so can get into these moods and have out bursts of short anger. Never to me, but bad service etc. it is embarrassing and we have had conversations about this. He admits he sees red and explodes. he says he is trying to calm down.

We have both been under a lot of stress with work. Evenings he is on his laptop gaming or on his phone. He is sat beside me and there is small bits of conversation, but lots of rotting in front of tv.

we are on holiday in an amazing resort. We agreed to have a chill out holiday, with a few trips as normally we are full on to explore. First week he didn’t want to do anything, but to be fair we were both exhausted. our second week it rained a bit. I suggested walks and he wanted to stay in. So I went out as was starting to get restless. He was miffed but eventually joined

Our only trip got cancelled due to weather. He got angry and I got embarrassed. We have spent a lot of time in silence. When I speak he asks why I am mumbling. I just give up. He guesses something is wrong and is making more of an effort. Sex just seems blah. Nothing has changed.

normally we talk, discuss things. But it’s so silent. He says he is enjoying it and wants to chill. I am bored and I feel so guilty. I am normally so independent.

am I sabotaging this as moving in is reality and financially being tied is scaring me. Or is this it.

Are you mumbling?

Not that I am aware. Others can understand me

None of this sounds good. Explosive anger. ❌ Mismatched interests and holiday preferences. Four years in is nothing. . It sounds like you are on borrowed time. I wouldn’t be letting him sell up and move in. I’d consider time apart after the holiday.

I think the writings on the wall.

Oh god, at least take a step back and let him get his house off the market. Dont get yourself trapped. He doesn't sound very nice.

Walk away. You’re young. Do it now. It won’t be better and things can better than this

Don’t let him sell. You don’t sound compatible- give him the elbow.

You know yourself. If in doubt, leave it out.

I would not have him living with me at all, tell him to take his house off the market for a start. Then carry on in your respective houses and see how things go.

Why is he moving in with you and not the other way around anyway? Some men are looking for their mothers to mind them.

Do your own thing on the holiday and continue that permanently when you get home. You are not compatible.

He is moving to mine as it’s a better location. We talked about his anger and it only appears when he is stressed. But it’s the silence. He says he wants a chilled holiday, but forgetting I am here too. I have done things by myself, which I think he got shocked at.

he is helpful at home and I don’t feel like his mother at all. It’s all equal shares.

You are missing the point. He is moving in with you to suit himself, and will expect you to look after him eventually when the equality time ends. And it will.

I'd urge you to live separately for now. I am in a twenty year relationship and we never moved in together. It is bliss, and the recipe for a great partnership!

You need to drill down into WHY you're getting cold feet OP and perhaps listen to your intuition, but only you know if there are real, solid reasons for your reticence. But if I was feeling like this, I wouldn't be moving the relationship forward, because it sounds like your body is trying to tell you something that your mind doesn't want to hear.

He doesn’t sound like someone I would want to live with. Do you have DC? I definitely wouldn’t expose my DC to a man like that.

I suspect you could do a lot better. 💐

It will only get worse op. Don’t move in together

I think you should listen long and hard to what your inner voice is saying.

So hes explosive to waiters and other people who hes in a positiin of power over.
When i served men like this i wiped my bogies on their cappachino.

You are still in the honeymoon period. Imagine what he will be like in 5/10 years time! Honestly don’t do it.

Wait, are you saying he’s angry-rude to e.g. waiters and tour operators? If so, that’s definitely not someone I’d be hitching my wagon to. You’d spend your life humiliated by and apologising for him 🤮

Would being single honestly be worse than this?

If a friend was telling you what you’re telling us, what would you suggest they do?

Step back and take a long cool look at everything before you co-habit. But honestly, if his actions leave you feeling, at different times, lonely, bored and/or embarrassed, is that what you want from a relationship? I’d guess/hope not.

He's moving in with you because it is convenient for him, while he ignores you and plays games, is glued to his phone or rots in front of the TV ... this will only get worse when he lives with you and you will resent him but feel guilty because he sold his house (and he will also now have a claim on yours when the relationship ends).

Don't do it. This holiday will be your entire life. Are you having fun?

OP
“I can't really put my finger on what annoys me.”

Youve then go on to describe a list of things that would deeply annoy most people.

Relationships are meant to be fun, positive and loving.

I don't mean to be rude, but explosive temper? Are you mad?

Yer but it's a better location!

The person you should be spending the rest of your life with should be your best friend. The person you cant wait to come home to tell them about your day. The first person to tell them about your joys and them to be thrilled for you.
This is person is not the person you should spend the rest of your life with.