The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

We wouldn’t get attached if they were 100% arsehole. Mine was the best relationship I’ve ever had but it doesn’t excuse the shit going on behind my back

That's really true. I almost prefer the ones who say or do stuff on the first date to out themselves.

Exactly
I didn’t get be kick up the arse to finally leave my ex alone until I sent him a message apologising for questioning the used bondage tape and he launched into an absolute character assassination on me and I thought ‘fuck you and fuck this’
I need bridges to be burned or ill keep going back

I'm sorry he put you through that.

Did your instincts tell you before you saw the evidence?

I really miss him, it's horrible.

honestly it’s such a long story and I still don’t know what was going on but I found his ‘friendship’ with his much older female friend to be amber flags from the beginning. Turned to red when he asked me to take a days annual leave so we could spend a day together but ended up doing a favour for her instead . That’s when it should have ended less than 2 months in . Not over 2 years in . I think your Mr Planes would have been the same in the end. More and more red flags until it blew up .

If anyone like podcasts I’ve been listening to ‘The Dating Detectives’ for a few months now . Might put you off dating all together though 😂

What's the premise? What are they detecting?

That was my worry about the harem. If they called would he drop everything...

It’s true stories told by people who have had terrible relationships with scammers / cheaters etc

I'm following it. And trying not to contact him.

Same here, when it was good it was great. But when it wasn’t it was clear he never cared, I was just convenient sometimes. He could certainly pretend convincingly though. So many men can when it gets them what they want. Another reason to stay well away.

@Nosdacariad- stay strong! 💪. We should listen when they tell us/show us who they are. When my ex said he ‘couldn’t be bothered’ to make an effort I should have walked straight out the door and never looked back 🤨

Great to hear about Mr peach, Mr Village and Mr Charismatic showing up positively and Mr Tree for continuing to deliver lovely dates ❤️

Oh and @MsJinks the name Mr Tree always makes me laugh. A good friend of mine says about a bloke she quite fancies that she could ‘climb him like a Tree’ 😁

Remember, you are in the absolute eye of the storm at the moment - the very worst point.

The adrenaline you felt that enabled you to accomplish the actual breakup will have subsided, and now you are forced to calmly consider what you feel like you have lost. (And there are always great things, even about the very worst of them. ESPECIALLY about the very worst of them - why else would intelligent, independent women like us stay so long with these fucking losers?)

Sorry, sent too soon - what I meant to say was, don't put yourself under undue pressure. Don't even think about never speaking to him again - that is too painful a prospect to deal with right now. Just think about getting through the rest of the day without speaking to him. Then tomorrow, set yourself the challenge of getting through tomorrow without speaking to him.

And gradually, but quicker than you think, it will start to get easier. You have already done the hardest part!

When you feel like you can face it, it might be worth popping back onto the apps, even though you may not want to match with anyone right now. But you can just have a look, have a bit of a giggle at some daft profiles, and also see that there is a whole world of men out there who aren't Planes, and would never do some of the twattish things Planes does.

And one day, hopefully quite soon, I think you will be thanking your lucky stars that you didn't end up giving years of your life to that total waste of space....

Meanwhile be kind to yourself. Can you afford to treat yourself to something - new top, new dress, new book? Bottle of wine, pack of your favourite biscuits? Anything. To say thank you to yourself for the brave and wise thing you have done.

This is some cracking advice and THANK YOU for taking the trouble 💐💐💐

My friend had me write a list of non negotiables, planes has 3/12 narrowly beating MrX with 2.5/12.

Appreciating you all so much xxx

@Nosdacariad stay strong. Write here instead of messaging him or message one of us. You've got this xx

Had a nice day with Mr Mullet this weekend. Absolutely no closer to knowing where I stand but I'm trying the "if he wanted to be would" mindset. I'm not chasing him.

Interestingly had an impromptu lunch date with Mr Hat yesterday. Attraction of definitely growing.. We're fairly opposite (compared to Mr Mullet with whom I am weirdly similar) but opposites definitely attract.

Potentially seeing him again tomorrow - 3 in a week!

Oh... And the Fireman obviously got wind of all of this with some sort of Spidey sense and wants to meet up next week 🤦🏻‍♀️🫠

Go you @CleanShirt !

Red flags …

Oh sorry. I'm an idiot 😅 of course!

Haha - well he was named early doors chatting on OLD - as we talked about hugging trees.

But I’m very fortunate, as very unexpectedly at this age and level of cynicism, oof I definitely could climb him like a tree (from the get go) lol.

I had after thought of better names I could have used, but actually Tree probably fits very well then!

That’s such good advice from Lurchers - and you’re doing so well - you really are.

It’s been like a sick/anxious feeling for me to set things right in similar circumstances- what I held onto was yes I could text, reduce that feeling, but then it would return quite quickly and build because in reality the text wouldn’t set it right - it’d be a shite reply or no reply, or even if an ok reply the whole thing would start again with the merry go round of mainly feeling carp with an intermission of relief now and again.

Took me a long time to stop trying to reset Mr Big Player till it was beyond a joke how stupid and embarrassing I’d got to be - I mean I’d probably reached that point a long time before! but something gave and I ceased contact - as Lurchers says it just got easier and easier over a bit of time.

Keep checking the 25% non negotiables he already reached - and keep posting on here - honestly it’s like beating fags or a drug addiction - it’s just the brain chemicals tricking you - you deserve better 💕

Sounding good. Hopefully, Mr Mullet didn’t get to using too many photo ops? It’s good to enjoy the dates, but be careful of your heart here.

Mr Hat sounds keen and maybe it’s going both ways a bit now? 3x is promising.

They do have spidey senses guys I think - maybe he can subconsciously sense your interest going elsewhere? Are you going to meet? I mean got to try before you buy!