The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@CleanShirt Sounds like it’s raining men! 😂 Enjoy!!

@Nosdacariad Sending a handhold. It’s easier said than done of course, but stay strong. Time will fix everything.

Thanks @MsJinks @BoxOfCats @CleanShirt

Thinking of messaging landlady to check he's ok.

What does the hive mind think?

@Nosdacariad I wouldn't. He's a grown man, leave him to it.

@BellaBlackberry83 Haha you’ll be looking a long time. I don’t think there’s really much of a reason Mr Charismatic doesn’t want a relationship other than it doesn’t suit him. We’ve dated fairly consistently since the end of January.

@Ilovelurchers That’s the thing, the dates are always so thoughtful and fun. I genuinely look forward to spending time with him, we have quality time together with none of the downsides of a relationship. So for now it suits me to keep seeing him. Eventually I would like more emotional intimacy with someone though.

@Nosdacariad Don’t do it. He has plenty of other people around him to check on him and give him support.

Haha and almost all of them exes 😅

No don’t do it. He’s fine . Remember he even said when he’s not with you you don’t exist or whatever bullshit phrase he used. You’ll regret contacting him or anyone to do with him .

Ah - noooo. Don’t do this. It’s just the brain trying to find a way to contact. He is a grown man, he has his harem, he actually has his landlady as friend too - she would tell him.

It’s hard but no - I reckon he will contact you anyway - but stay strong!

Thanks @MsJinks and @TheThingOnTheIce I just had delivery of some risque hosiery I was going to wear for him back when I thought I was attractive - but I realise I'd be wearing it for lacklustre sex anyway 🙃

I've deleted our chat so I don't see his face every time I open whatsapp.

Aw @Nosdacariad- we all know you’re attractive- Planes knew too else he wouldn’t have been first love bombing and then negging to ensure you stayed - remember those who said he was punching too!

The underwear will save for the one who never negs you and the one who just knows he’s got an all round beautiful lady.

Good idea to delete chat - you could delete his number too - you’d still get any text but be harder to contact him and give you a minute or 2 gap to think / not jump in excitement when he does message - if you’re ready for that it when you are ready.

Edited as negging kept turning to begging - I think it may well do in actuality at some point - we’ll see if it was a foreshadowing predictive typo!

@NosdacariadI’m so sorry you’re going through this internal battle at the moment, I know it only took well.

Do not contact him or anyone associated with him. Delete all chats from your phone and delete his number. Same goes for landlady and anyone else in the harem. Make it impossible to get in touch with him ever again.

This man will only bring further heartbreak, and he sounds worse each time you tell us something else. You deserve SO much better my love x

Just wanted to add my words of support, @Nosdacariad. We have all been there and we all get it. This too will pass x

Oh no @Nosdacariad sorry to hear this. Everyone is right though the urge to talk to him will pass. 💐

And definitely don’t message the landlady, she seems super untrustworthy.

It's interesting how you guys are so unimpressed with planes.

I still love him but I'll restrain myself.

I think I overinvested too early, as usual. He said he wanted to move slow then didn't and I largely let him set the pace.

His Mum knows him well, that's for sure.

A relationship takes more than love. That’s what I keep telling myself . There’s no future if you also don’t have respect, honesty and trust .

Absolutely.
Trust was hard, he showed lack of respect and he told me about dishonesty with others.

You haven’t done anything wrong, please don’t put any blame on yourself. This lies entirely with him.

When feelings are there it’s so easy to be swept along with it all - I’m very guilty of this tbh. Like in that scene in Bridget Jones when she imagines her wedding day with Daniel Cleaver 😂 This is me, I do this!! I have to work very hard not to get too invested too soon and honestly? I fail every time!

Please try not to beat yourself up. All you want is to be happy and loved, which are natural and human desires

The landlady (who has never posted before about her daily trips to the pub) has posted on fb about her lovely Sunday afternoon in the pub with her ex, planes and another very glamorous woman.

Funny that. Ironically that puts me off him even more (eternally in the boozer).

This seems as though it was aimed. Please block all these toxic people across all social media platforms.

This is where you really need to go no contact, including deleting any photos of planes. If it’s a photo of you both then crop him out.

You’re never going to be able to move on if this loser and his harem keep popping up in your life.

Im so sorry to sound so harsh but I’m speaking from experience unfortunately. And like a pp said, do something lovely for yourself, because you absolutely deserve it 🤍

@empirebiscuits12 I did that on your advice just now. I've left whatsapp open for planes. For now.

How are you feeling this evening @Nosdacariad? Keeping yourself busy?

I'm having date 3 in 6 days with Mr Hat tomorrow. Can't figure out if I'm being mad or not but I'm excited to see him.

Very busy, it's exam marking on top of the day job xxx

This is lovely. And fasssst!!

Good, it's good to have something to busy yourself in!

It is fast 😬 he wanted to see me on Friday when I'm off work but he's got plans in the evening so it would be a short date, so I suggested tomorrow. Had some lovely messages from him - he's not love bomby and seems to have his head screwed on.