Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

Time to tell your mother.
maybe not all, at once
but something.

If I were your mother you could stay for as long as you wanted/needed with all the children of course.

I'm worried for you PP. You have one parachute. You can use it for yourself and your children, or for him. I dread to think what he's done now. Sending you a hug. You will get through it. It won't be amicable because of what he is.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Pink, it is very overwhelming and a lot to get your head around. I hope nothing too awful happened that led to your red line being crossed. Can you get a free hour’s consultation with a Solicitor if you’re ready? Get a feel for practicalities so you’re at least empowered with that knowledge

I think first things first, you need to get to your parents house. Get the kids looked after, get yourself some breathing space. I honestly don’t think you need to do anything more just now. You’re going to be very overwhelmed and not able to plan that far ahead, so literally thinking about the immediate future i.e. today. One foot in front of the other, get yourself and the kids out of there. The rest will follow. Once that’s done, you can start to tell people, and then things will start happening, but that’s tomorrow’s problem. You’ve got this, go with the momentum you’re feeling, it’s time. We’re all here every step of the way.

You have to talk to WA about the next steps. Leaving is a very dangerous time and you know as well as we do that you can’t tell him you’re leaving and expect him just to accept it. I’ve always believed you will have to leave in secret.

I really hope you are OK. I can only imagine what he has done while you are away to cross a red line. Please stay safe tonight x

I agree with this.

Get to your mother's, tell her that you and the kids need to stay indefinitely (you can tell her as much or as little as you like, just make it clear that you don't feel safe with your husband), and call WA to help you with the next steps.

Use this feeling you have right now to motivate you to do what you have needed to do for a long time, for your sake, and the children's.

As for not wanting to blow a hole in your lives, the kids deserving a dad, or not wanting to destroy him...you're married to and share children with an abusive rapist. Your mental and emotional health, and theirs, are already being damaged by his presence.

Additionally he's dangerous, to you and the children. You need to focus on and worry about your well-being and safety in the short-term, and the things that are in your control, not whether or not you'll be able to co-parent amicably with your abuser in the future.

What do you feel like doing right now, to feel safe? If you didn’t have to consider appearances or anything else, what would it be? I dread to think what’s happened but my advice to you is to do, not think. You don’t have to make big decisions which paralyse you, you just need to take a step.

One suggestion, your kids are in a safe place with you all staying under someone else’s roof. Why not tell everyone you need to go somewhere, sorry and all that, and just get in car or taxi straight to your parents. Don’t think of anything else except unburdening yourself. You can make calls from there, and if need be you can have support to collect children later. Time to talk.

Also here worried for you Poet x

This is the absolute truth, he will twist this, I genuinely think police is the next step. The only step really, as otherwise he will still get to dictate so much. I think he is dangerous,
I think you feeling like this and the pressure of being at friends/ an England match is too much.

Do you feel up to sharing what happened last night?

Could you make some kind of excuse about popping out, then leave in the car? Less likely he can leave there with the children then. My thinking is that you need them to be safe but you also need to be able to talk freely, to your parents and to WA.

At this point I would get all the children in the car and drive to your parents. You will all be safe there. I did this once. It’s straightforward. Being amicable can come later but for now safety. Remember, your kids need you more than they need him.

It sound like he’s done something really bad and I know you are not ok but sending you a hand hold.

If you are already at your friends house, can you confide in her about the need to sleep away from your husband tonight. Just try take deep breaths, no alcohol as it heightens emotions. You need to keep your head.

One step.

Pack you and kids stuff then go to your Mums. Text friends to say you’re really sorry but there’s a family emergency and you’ve had to go to Mum’s. Text him to say you’re taking some time out.

Thats it for now.

You will be safe. The rest will follow whenever the universe is ready for it to happen.

I agree with others. Go to your parents. The time is now.

I’ve a feeling he’s done something in front of these friends or overnight last night with the kids in the room after Poet has drawn a boundary. Red line crossed.

Poet find your anger, find your strength half an hour at a time. You just need to get safe today.

Pink cannot leave the children with him.

No personal experience of doing this but I agree with what others have said - try to find a way to get yourself & the children to your parents and think about the next steps once you're safely there and are able to get more detailed advice from WA.

So sorry he's put you in this horrible situation.

I agree with PPs saying to get yourself and your DC to your parents’ house and tell them that you need to stay there with them as you’re not safe in your marriage. It’s time now. They will look after you.

You don’t need to make any further decisions right now.

You can do this, Poet. ❤️

Can you separate amicably? Sure. Many people do. BUT this is not something you can control. You can influence it by remaining polite and promoting positive relationships between your children and their father but you cannot control it. I think it's really important to accept this otherwise you may end up torturing yourself without any prospect of a positive outcome.

I agree with everyone who has said speak to your mum. You need real life support here, it's going to be so much tougher on you to do this with remote only support.

Yes do not leave the children under any circumstances. You all need to be safe @ThisIsPinkPoet .

Hope you are safe, Poet.

Just focus on the now for the moment: getting safe, looking after yourself and the dc.

Worry about co-parenting etc later on.

Please remember if you feel unsafe, you call 999.
Women’s Aid is a route when people do not have a family to go to but you fortunately do.
Please try leave with the children x

We don’t need to know what happened Poet and you don’t need to share it. Any number of the things he’s done to you over the years would be reason enough.

I think it’s very important that you’ve come to this decision on your own. That’s the best possible way for you to have the best chance of success moving forward.

Agree with others, you gather up your stuff and put it in the car. You tell the children that Granny and Grandad need you to go and visit and you leave. If you can, put the stuff in the car first and then grab the babies and leave. If you don’t want to take the car, call yourself a taxi, leave the stuff and just leave. If you worry you won’t be able to pay, text your parents first and ask them to call you a taxi and pay themselves. Get to your parents and then go from there: one step at a time.

Agree with others. Please get yourself and the children to your parents. I've always told my daughter she can call us anytime day or night and we'll help. Please don't worry about upsetting your parents - they'd be more upset to think you feel you can't ask for their help.

Big hug to you PP, wishing you and DC well, whatever you decide to do.

Poet, gather all your children and head to your Mum and Dad's. Give them a small idea of what's going.

Don't be alone with your Husband at all after the point you have got to your parents. He will try to get back into your head as he has done before.
Use this feeling you have and run with it.