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Original poster

Husbands Instagram. Urgh.

273 replies

JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 06:22

Been with my husband 20yrs.
We broke up for a few years in about 2018 but been back together about 5 years.

I've never really been an Instagram person, had an account for browsing but not really a poster.
DH has an account and its private. Because I don't really use it I've never paid much attention but I have asked him to add me quite a few times because he posts photos on there and I've seen his page before whilst he is on there, and he's my husband so was interested!

Am perimeno so having some bad insomnia lately and for some reason he left his phone on my side table last night so I did the stupid thing and looked.

All his photos are normal family orientated and hobby/interests photos.

But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.
And a load of female tattoo artists?! He hates tattoos!

I am having a really hard time with my body lately. I've lost a lot of weight (125lbs) and my body and excess skin is a mess :(
I used to have big boobs but they are 90% gone now and are very saggy and point downwards. I already had very little confidence before this.

I'm just so fucking sad and disappointed in him. Its just so fucking stereotypical and cringy.

He's never cheated on me in 20 years. I don't think its anything like that and i checked his inbox and theres nothing there from any women, just his male mates but Im just sad.

I feel like I don't ever want to have sex with him again TBH.
Im nothing like any of those women. Its not like hes following saggy skinned middle aged women like me. I can never be like all those women. They all look the same, very obviously has a type, thats what gets his rocks off and theyre absolutely nothing like me.

Why do men have to do this shit?? I don't have a fucking account following a load of buff firemen and shit. I don't need that.

Am just lay here now and don't know what to do. Whether to say something or not.

What's the point? He will say it's not cheating or they're old accounts he followed ages ago or something (well you've had 5 years to delete them!)

I know people will be along to say its normal and if hes not messaging them I shouldnt care, but I do. Its made me feel utterly shit.

OP posts:
Ricequark · 31/05/2026 06:29

Why did you “break up for a few years”?

That would indicate there were existing very very compelling reasons why the pair of you should not be together

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 06:30

“He’s never cheated on my in 20 years”

You can’t be sure of that.
And you broke up for a few years… did he see anyone then?

Original poster
JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 06:37

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 06:29

Why did you “break up for a few years”?

That would indicate there were existing very very compelling reasons why the pair of you should not be together

I broke up with him because I had a mental breakdown due to unaddressed childhood mental and physical abuse.

He supported me all through that time despite us not being together. Took me to my appointments, shopping, had the kids a lot when I couldn't cope.

I needed space to have therapy and process things. I just couldn't bear anyone being near me during that time and he accepted that and gave me the space I needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 06:39

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 06:30

“He’s never cheated on my in 20 years”

You can’t be sure of that.
And you broke up for a few years… did he see anyone then?

No, I don't think he saw anyone physically though I know he was talking to some women online but I was the one that left him so I couldn't possibly be pissed at him for that.

OP posts:
IHate · 31/05/2026 06:40

People are allowed to fantasise. He hadn’t ’done’ anything to you. You went on his phone, invaded his privacy, and discovered he likes looking at attractive women with big breasts. Big whoop.

2021x · 31/05/2026 06:40

Man that is grim. I think a good way forward is to work on your self esteem before you make any decisions.

Food for you 125lbs that is hard work and you should be feeling proud of yourself , maybe investigate why you don’t,

Your DH instagram could be something or nothing. Most people I know have some sort of fantasy outlet.. I am watching Rivals for mine and I am a sure you do too if you think about it.

Well done again for looking after your health xx

TheAvidWriter · 31/05/2026 06:43

OK OP deep breaths here as that must be a bit of a shock to see.

Not adding you already is a bit off to me. I would feel the same as you do about it.
If he is approachable regarding what you found then voice it with him, be honest with him if you two have that safe space to do so, if you feel however that he will bite your head off for snooping, tell him why you did. Be completely open on all of the above, even show if your post? So that he can see for himself that you care about the marriage, and and how you feel about yourself too, its all important stuff. You are important. And I get the body image after a lot of change and how you probably feel all sorts due to these changes. Be open with him or vulnerable if you feel he is receptive of that and respectful enough to allow you to do so. But dont forget your worth in all this.

Following loads of women on SM is lame, so typical men really, and after seeing all the MN posts on this matter, I am far from surprised. Its so off putting. I would be more put off by that than worried that he does not desire you as you are. Your worth is far greater than you may feel right now, so find that worth. I know I am probably not very helpful, hopefully someone will pop along with some solid advise.

Original poster
JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 06:46

TheAvidWriter · 31/05/2026 06:43

OK OP deep breaths here as that must be a bit of a shock to see.

Not adding you already is a bit off to me. I would feel the same as you do about it.
If he is approachable regarding what you found then voice it with him, be honest with him if you two have that safe space to do so, if you feel however that he will bite your head off for snooping, tell him why you did. Be completely open on all of the above, even show if your post? So that he can see for himself that you care about the marriage, and and how you feel about yourself too, its all important stuff. You are important. And I get the body image after a lot of change and how you probably feel all sorts due to these changes. Be open with him or vulnerable if you feel he is receptive of that and respectful enough to allow you to do so. But dont forget your worth in all this.

Following loads of women on SM is lame, so typical men really, and after seeing all the MN posts on this matter, I am far from surprised. Its so off putting. I would be more put off by that than worried that he does not desire you as you are. Your worth is far greater than you may feel right now, so find that worth. I know I am probably not very helpful, hopefully someone will pop along with some solid advise.

He's never given any indication he doesn't desire me. He wants to have sex all the time and tells me I am beautiful and he loves me every single day.

And I believed it. But seeing that, how can he look at me and genuinely feel attraction to me if those are the women he chooses to oogle day in, day out?

I just feel so insecure now. Even more so.

OP posts:
Fluffypiki · 31/05/2026 06:59

It has nothing to do with your looks, it is a "men" thing I think, DD is pretty and lately looks like the picture on Instagram (🙄) gets quite a bit of attention. She has a cute boyfriend really keen but perhaps a bit insecure? do you think he would feel lucky? Hell no, DD had to tell him to clean his page or he would be left with only his page sooner rather than later.
Apparently for them is it harmless but god forbid DD do the same.
Feels a bit like Chandler explaining flirting to Monica 😂.

PersephoneParlormaid · 31/05/2026 07:01

Are you still having therapy? If not I suggest you look at having some to boost your self esteem. You’ve done so well to come through your trauma and lose weight. Don’t throw away a man who loves and supports you because he looks/looked at a few pictures. I follow a hunky chap on TikTok as he’s nice to look at, doesn’t mean I’m going to cheat or leave my DH.

MargotLovesTom · 31/05/2026 07:02

It's very early so I'm probably not going to be the most articulate I could be but...

  • you've looked at his phone which is invading his privacy so you're on the back foot if you do bring it up with him,
  • it's understandable you feel shit but let's face it, not a lot of men are going to be specifically seeking out images of normal, middle-aged women with normal bodies like us to wank over when there are countless women with pneumatic boobs, peachy arses and legs up to their armpits to be seen on social media,
  • does he try to boost your confidence? Does he generally make you feel loved and wanted?
MargotLovesTom · 31/05/2026 07:15

X-post on the last point.
You say he obviously has a type - yes, you knew that because presumably you had big boobs when you met him 20 years ago (going off what you said).

Original poster
JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 07:16

MargotLovesTom · 31/05/2026 07:15

X-post on the last point.
You say he obviously has a type - yes, you knew that because presumably you had big boobs when you met him 20 years ago (going off what you said).

Oh no, I had no boobs till after I had kids, breastfeeding and weight gain gave me my boobs. Not puberty 🤣 we met at 17!

OP posts:
TTDR35 · 31/05/2026 07:19

Just wanted to tell you you're not alone, my partner is similar, not social media but looking at dozens of women with big boobs in skimpy outfits, every day. He's even bought a number of photos of them off eBay 🙄. Unfortunately it seems they all do this so next year I'm buying myself a hunks calendar for myself. Don't let anyone tell you you're being ridiculous worrying about this, it's made me feel like shit too.

Notsosweetcaroline · 31/05/2026 07:20

I think this is a very extreme reaction and is really about your issues with your own body, self esteem and jealousy.

I don’t care who my husband views on line, genuinely I don’t, if he wants to look at women on insta who cares, he can find them attractive and you,

you can’t lock him down and stop him looking at other women, he leaves the house I assume so will see other women ,

Original poster
JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 07:24

Notsosweetcaroline · 31/05/2026 07:20

I think this is a very extreme reaction and is really about your issues with your own body, self esteem and jealousy.

I don’t care who my husband views on line, genuinely I don’t, if he wants to look at women on insta who cares, he can find them attractive and you,

you can’t lock him down and stop him looking at other women, he leaves the house I assume so will see other women ,

But the women at tescos aren't in g-strings and bras bending over a chair 🤨

OP posts:
Original poster
JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 07:34

How did we get to a point in society where women are defending men looking at sexual, mostly naked photos of women whilst in relationships?

Well, I'm not a 'cool wife'. I married this man, I made a vow and he made one to me and that should involve him not seeing other womens private parts!

Maybe I'm old fashioned/lame/insecure. Whatever the reason, this is how I feel and I won't be made to feel silly for it. I don't feel it is right and I am allowed to set my own boundaries.

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · 31/05/2026 07:36

How many private parts are being shown on insta? Isn't that banned?

loislovesstewie · 31/05/2026 07:38

ChickenBananaBanana · 31/05/2026 07:36

How many private parts are being shown on insta? Isn't that banned?

As far as I know nudity is banned unless it's paintings, artwork.

Notsosweetcaroline · 31/05/2026 07:38

Insta doesn’t allow private parts to be shown.

loislovesstewie · 31/05/2026 07:40

JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 07:24

But the women at tescos aren't in g-strings and bras bending over a chair 🤨

Show quote history

Well, that's beachwear in most places.

LapisBlue · 31/05/2026 07:42

JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 07:34

How did we get to a point in society where women are defending men looking at sexual, mostly naked photos of women whilst in relationships?

Well, I'm not a 'cool wife'. I married this man, I made a vow and he made one to me and that should involve him not seeing other womens private parts!

Maybe I'm old fashioned/lame/insecure. Whatever the reason, this is how I feel and I won't be made to feel silly for it. I don't feel it is right and I am allowed to set my own boundaries.

Im with you all the way, OP. A lot of men's behaviour is simply revolting.

Do remember that there are plenty of blokes on here defending themselves. Pathetic, but there you are.

I think you're going to have to tell him what you've found.

Notsosweetcaroline · 31/05/2026 07:45

LapisBlue · 31/05/2026 07:42

Im with you all the way, OP. A lot of men's behaviour is simply revolting.

Do remember that there are plenty of blokes on here defending themselves. Pathetic, but there you are.

I think you're going to have to tell him what you've found.

Show quote history

Trying to insinuate we must be men as we don’t take issue with basic insta, who dong allow nudity, is a bit silly,

and tell him what she’s found, it’s hardly porn. It’s some tame shots on insta.

loislovesstewie · 31/05/2026 07:48

LapisBlue · 31/05/2026 07:42

Im with you all the way, OP. A lot of men's behaviour is simply revolting.

Do remember that there are plenty of blokes on here defending themselves. Pathetic, but there you are.

I think you're going to have to tell him what you've found.

Show quote history

I'm not a man. Instagram don't allow nudity, unless it's showing a painting for example. So a nude by Degas for example is allowed. If you go to the beach there are women in bikinis, that's about all you see on Instagram. Would she feel the same way if they were on the beach?

Nihongo · 31/05/2026 07:52

JustAnotherManDoingManThings · 31/05/2026 07:34

How did we get to a point in society where women are defending men looking at sexual, mostly naked photos of women whilst in relationships?

Well, I'm not a 'cool wife'. I married this man, I made a vow and he made one to me and that should involve him not seeing other womens private parts!

Maybe I'm old fashioned/lame/insecure. Whatever the reason, this is how I feel and I won't be made to feel silly for it. I don't feel it is right and I am allowed to set my own boundaries.

Absolutely you can set your boundaries OP, but obviously your husbands boundaries are clearly different - that’s the issue.

It comes down to whether you want to tolerate this or not in a relationship. Or you could also try scolding him into not doing it, however experience tells me this leads to resentment on both sides. He may well just hide it better.

You ask why men do this? Because it’s fun and exciting, it’s a fantasy - have you never had a crush on someone else, been attracted to another person, looked them up online?

The reality is there are lots of available images out there - it would bother me if he were actively engaging with these women - messaging etc. To me there’s a big difference between passively looking vs. actively engaging.

I also look up actors that I like online, many times they have photos with their shirts off. I don’t think it makes me a perve, we are always curious about attractive people, and the world we live in today is full of provocative imagery, it’s designed to get attention.