Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

Wow. Some posters could really do with a walk around the block to chill out. Wildly judgemental comments.

OP, how long have you and your partner been talking about the possibility of another child?
what are your reasons for wanting one?
what reasons are popping up to make you question your decision?
do your current schedules of children being with their other parents at the weekend line up?
what’s the current dynamic like between children?

Vote no. Focus on the (fairly young) relationship and children you do have between you, getting the blended family situation settled and working well for everyone. You can revisit this in 3-5 years and see how it will add to the family unit then.

I never mentioned intention. You brought intent into the conversation.

Whats so funny about them being deceased. At my age, lots of people I knew are deceased.

I'd wait a couple more years, see how it's all working for the children, see if everyone's happy,

It's very early days to bring another child into this relationship and family dynamic, and at 31, you still have time on your side.

You should go slower when you already have children than you might if you had no dependents.

Omg can this tiresome sub-conversation please please end

It just makes everything even more complicated for all the kids you already have between you. If things are going smoothly right now I wouldn't risk it.

Why are you so obsessed with this and answering different posts all the time.

It was a throwaway comment given the OP admitted herself that marriage would disadvantage her, so consequently she may never end up getting married, engagement or no engagement.

It sounds like you have enough space and finances which are two of the many stressors so that’s great. I agree with @Lillers that there’s no rush you can see how you feel in a couple of years once you’ve settled into a blended dynamic. I get that you’re broody as you love he man but hold off for now you have lots of fertile years left.
my two main concerns would be

1. what happens if you split. Would you be happy for him to take your baby into whatever pattern he does with his other kids? Can you see he’s a great dad to his current kids and comforts them when they’re away from their mum home?
2. you may grow to love your child free weekends and enjoy doing dates trips etc then, do you want to lose these for at least 12 years?

No

Someone like what? Do you think high earners never separate from the mother of their child?

What I’ve taken from all this is, give it a few years and see. I’d say we’re currently both attentive parents with happy kids make the most of it. Edit to confirm the marriage debate, we’ll do it one day… not any time soon.

A baby is like throwing a bomb into a relationship, eve the happiest ones are tested by it. What I can never understand is why people who already have kids and a failed relationship with the other parent choose to have more in the next relationship. its like its only real if they have a kid together. You have 4 between you, it would be utter insanity unless you are very very rich to have a fifth.Your relationship will have a far better chance of working if you don't have more children,if in doubt head over to the step parenting board

Oh absolutely not. You have 4 kids between you who all come from broken homes, you are in a young relationship, the kids are all still very young. The impact this blended family will have won’t be noticed until they hit puberty most likely. It’s unlikely you will have the emotional capacity at 43 and 50 to guide kid number 4 through the rough teenage years, never mind doing it all for the 5th time a few years later. The teen years can be absolutely brutal.

It’s unlikely you will have the emotional capacity at 43 and 50 to guide kid number 4 through the rough teenage years

@Snoken

???!!!

Given that the average age of first motherhood in Western countries is now over 30, surely the majority of parents are dealing with the teenage years during their 40s and 50s. Are you suggesting they all lack emotional capacity, or just the ones with large families?

Did he move into your home or you got a 5/6 bed together

guessing moved into yours due to your comment about marriage and assets

Yes.......

No 100%. Any Sen children you will be floored and you never know …… you have your hands full plus extra (4 kids is hard enough let alone a 5th)

Absolutely this re the teenage years.

Thank gawd for mumsnet.

Come back to us in a few years. If this relationship is still together as the 4 kids grow into young teens and the dust settles on a 2 year whirlwind of dating, moving in together, blending families and getting engaged - I’ll eat my hat.