Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

This was my first thought too. Judgemental yes, but also probably accurate.

I would do it if the financial situation is as you say. But only if I really wanted a baby. Not just wanted a baby to cement the relationship. And I wouldn't marry in your position, as you have assets.

Aren't 4 enough?

Being fiancés with no intention to marry is not a thing.
It literally means nothing.

I would give it a few years before making a decision as to whether to have another child. The children need some stability first.

You must be very very rich to think you can afford 5 children,
and live in a huge house as obiv you wouldn't consider overcrowding in any form of social housing.

and a large car, even 2 large cars.

How would a disabled child impact on your family?

we have 6. DSS(27), my DDs (25), then together we have two DS’s of 15 and 12 and then DD who is 10.

i was on the coil when I fell with DD. I planned a termination then on the day heard the heartbeat and given that we had the bedrooms and the finances changed my mind.

I love the bones of my DD, but it was the worse decision I’ve ever made. For me, for the other kids, and, although I had no way of knowing it at the time, for her.

She is profoundly disabled. There was an issue noticed late in pregnancy that was then compounded when an arrogant man made a gamble he shouldn’t have during a surgery (he was found negligent by the GMC and DD was awarded considerable compensation so I’m not just ranting). Her care needs, hospital stays and life limiting condition basically dictate our whole lives. We live every day trying to balance the fact that exposure to illness could kill her, with her siblings needing to live normal lives.

One more doesn’t always just mean one more. It can mean relentlessly more.

If your only 31 and only been together 2yrs I can't see what the rush is.

It may mean nothing to me and you but it means something to them.

You’ve been together 2yrs and in that time moved in and got engaged

his youngest was a baby when you met so how long ago did he split with the boys mum before meeting you

so you live in a 6 bed house ? So all 4 get their own room plus yours plus new baby their room ?

2 years is way too soon to move in together if you both have children. Having another child would be selfish. The children have had to cope with so much change in so little time.

I dont really understand what you're asking. No one has confided in me, I just know people that have lived for years being 'engaged', had families, lived together, never married. About 4 couples. Dead now. Never married.

At the moment I think you have two weekend nights a fortnight without any of the four children at home. Have you considered the impact on your relationship of losing this 1-1 time?

My friend did this their childreb were slightly older hers pre teens and his arouns the age yours are now. Hoeever it worked well and she feels their joint baby really gelled their blended family together. Their "baby" is 14 now and his older siblings have all flown and are living their independent lives. I know she doesnt regret having him for one moment and feels it was a great choice for their fanily.

I will mention that they live in Denmark where blended families are seen rather differently than here in the UK.

I would say if you want to go ahead. IMO mn is rather anti larger families.

We have more kids same DH but no way would I do it in a blended family not fair to them

I have 5. But they are all with my husband of 28 years, big age gaps between them. It’s hard work, but I wouldn’t change it. I’m confused reading your schedule, it sounds really tough. But f it works for you though and you have the finances/space then why not?

Just came here to say I can’t quite believe the double standards on this post!! So many other threads are full of ‘he’d know within 2 years if he wanted x or y’ and ‘don’t waste your fertile years’.

OP only you know how happy and secure your household is. If you feel it’s a happy home to bring another child into, and a child you both really want, that isn’t going to negatively impact your other children then that is your decision! I never chose to have 4 siblings like no child chooses how many siblings they get but we all survived 😂

I have no idea, I didnt say they definitely didnt intend to get married, I just said that many people get engaged but they might not get married and some never do, plenty do. I didnt mention intent. I just said that some people are happy to be fiances. Which they are.

Two years is the time to start thinking about spending your life with someone. Not to have already moved them in. Tell me he gained more than you did from you two getting together? I can almost guarantee it. Men always seem to look for a new source of support when they have responsibilities. Who provides the most in terms of assets and caring? If it’s you then don’t do it. Put your children first. You have four already. And they are all at ‘easier’ ages now than either newborn or the teen years.

Why the rush? Why not let life settle down for a few years and then see how you and DP feel?