Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

I agree - there's so much of this though. Next door neighbours are also similar. I think she was having an affair and youngest is a product of the affair.

I think this is the most sensible. There are lots of reasons to not push on and have another baby for now ; how young the youngest child is, how relatively short - term your relationship is, the fact these children have had huge upheaval in their lives so very recently, the fact you’ve plenty of children between you already etc etc etc! so I think it makes sense to sit on this for a few years and revisit then.

I didn’t say it was a mess 😕

All I asked @Summerfays26 was whether you genuinely think adding 3 children to a family of 5 blended kids was in the interests of your children

It was a reasonable question, @Summerfays26
You’re very defensive?

I assumed that my reference to possible misappropriation answered the question.

So you know multiple couples who aren’t engaged; have no intention to marry but use the term fiance for convenience.

Weird

Perhaps also cultural. I am of Indian descent but born in America. My husband is English. My parents did paid school fees, university fees, drivers license, contributed to my mortgages and pay school fees for my children. They did the same for my sister. We intend to do the same for our kids. My youngest is 18 months old. She does loads of classes and I always impressed with mothering/parenting I see, darling this, sweet pea that and then once you are 18 years old you are on your own….

His ex left him!

Yes

supposedly straight after having a newborn had an epiphany that fancied women.

fiction

Well the older ones are happily getting on with their lives and they all seem more than happy with their new little siblings. We were not going to decide to get married and not have our own children together just because some prejudiced person from MN thought we shouldn’t and thank goodness for that

Our older ones are not on their own but they don’t automatically get everything paid for them. One of my adult DC still lives at home so they can continue saving for a house deposit and wait for their earnings to rise, we’re happy for him to stay for as long as he needs to do that. Maybe if we’d come from families that had a lot of money or didn’t have a large mortgage then we’d of had the spare money to give the older ones something towards driving lessons or bought them a car for their 18th, a house deposit but we didn’t have the spare money and there was no reason they couldn’t go out and earn their own money at that age to do so, therefore it wasn’t a ‘need’ of their upbringing that we weren’t meeting. In fact the jobs they did to pay for all those things themselves actually helped them to secure the careers they are in now. At a time when many young people who had everything paid for them don’t seem to be even able to get a job. We were both brought up the same, our parents were there for moral support snd practical help if we ever really needed it but once we were adults pursued their own interests, they were happy, we’re happy, our kids are happy. The MNs obsession with wealth, smoothing the path for adult children and doing things a very specific way seems stifling for everyone. We didn’t take our children to fancy private toddler classes (well tried a couple and a waste of money, I called them overstimulating classes) we just did community toddler groups, play dates, went shopping, school runs, parks, nursery when returned to work and they’ve all done fine and are quite happy.

My question was simple

do you think it was in the best interests of the 5 blended kids to have 3 more siblings?

We thought about it , 3 kids between us . In hindsight it would have been a mistake as the kids are settled and happy and we can afford to give them a good life. You will struggle financially, emotionally and physically - what if new baby has additional needs or you are unwell in the pregnancy ? and your other kids are already being put through a lot of changes , a new baby who will get all mum and dad’s attention is likely to drive a wedge. We still have regrets now and probably always will, but in this one you must let your head rule and not your loved up hormones x

Yes absolutely, the more the merrier it’s been

Hi OP
This is your life and you should do what feels right for you and your family, not what a bunch of strangers think off the Internet!!!
You will always get a very negative opinion on here as MN seems to hate blended families and step parenting with a passion! Unfortunately its a way of life now as 1 in every 2 families separate!
Just make sure its what you and your husband really want and can comfortably afford. Yes your current childrens thoughts and opinions should be considered but ultimately they do not get to decide what you do as parents!

Of course I’m going to defend the very thought out decisions we made, especially when we’ve ended up with such a lovely blended family because of it, I don’t regret a thing and there were more benefits to the whole family than I could of imagined

Exactly this, very glad we didn’t listen to a bunch of bitter judgemental posters on MN or else we wouldn’t have the wonderful life and family we have now

Goodness - 5 children and it was in their best interests to add another 3. Pleased it all worked out so well!

Can’t imagine adding an eighth child to a family is ever in the best interests of the other DC.

Glad to hear that and me too!!!!
Someone will always have an opinion of why what you've done is wrong but thats life and what makes us all individuals.
Imagine if there was a rule that you could only have one chance of a family with the first person you meet/marry.......

Well as I said the older ones are off living their own lives as adults and the younger ones (and older ones) completely adore their youngest sibling, is just the way it is. They haven’t got a problem with it and it doesn’t affect you

The children’s opinions presumably haven’t been sought…
I wonder how they genuinely feel about growing up as one of eight, and if they had the option of university or they were happy to “go out and work” for all the extras they couldn’t expect their parents to fund.

i never said that
I asked a question
you answered
I expressed surprise and expressed best wishes

I wanted a third
but I knew that would mean my 2 children wouldn’t be able to go to the private school I wanted them to attend. So I didn’t have a 3rd.

To now see my 2 absolutely loving school and all these measures incredible sport, small classes and opportunities - I am pretty sure I made the right call.

Although I would have loved a third!