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Original poster

Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

339 replies

AmITotallyBonkers · 30/05/2026 19:16

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

OP posts:
AD1509 · 31/05/2026 20:06

There’s masses of small humans to take care of there. Why in earth do you need more?!?

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 20:08

WearyAuldWumman · 31/05/2026 19:30

It's quite possibly misappropriation of the term - but I guess that no one can force them not to use the word.

Conversely, I recall bristling when someone referred to my late husband of 27 years as my 'partner' while I was still organising his funeral.

Show quote history

You didn’t answer my question. These couples you know who use the term fiance… and you don’t think they have any intention of getting married… are you saying that neither party asked the other to marry them @WearyAuldWumman ?

TFImBackIn · 31/05/2026 20:09

No, I wouldn't do it. Four is plenty to deal with and there's an equality about things now - kids can sit or play in pairs, you have two each etc. If all the kids get on, then don't risk ruining things for everyone. If they don't get on, even more reason to not do it.

BruFord · 31/05/2026 20:15

I'd also consider how different things could be in five years, when you may have a bolshy 14 and 12-year-old. Then the younger children will enter that phase, and you'll be parenting four teenagers! It could be really hard and it'll definitely be expensive.

Hfiajfbdoflv · 31/05/2026 20:16

Whenever people on here are debating a 4th child I feel so sad for the current children.

I’m one of four children. My family were very wealthy, money wasn’t an issue. However my parents couldn’t give each child the emotional support that we needed. I was the oldest and when I was pretty much self sufficient they just ignored me. It’s impossible to give four children what they need in a parent, let alone five.

Holdonforsummer · 31/05/2026 20:18

Wow, that is a crazy schedule for those poor little boys……

Letskeepcalm · 31/05/2026 20:32

Since you're asking the question,
With both your histories, age of your kids and the length of your relationship, fgs, NO.

Franjipanl8r · 31/05/2026 20:43

Every new baby is like throwing a grenade into a family. You have plenty of kids already, no need to upset the dynamic you have.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/05/2026 20:48

All the hypotheticals people are posting sound bat shit. What if, what if, what if... 🙄
Do you have wills? What are your individual and joint assets? Have you put money away for your current children? Are you able to put equal money away for another?
Sort finances, draw up the legal paperwork and then decide.

Superhansrantowindsor · 31/05/2026 21:03

I’m one of 5. All close in age. I have very few memories of doing anything one to one with mum or dad. You will be very stretched in terms of time and attention. It is nothing to do with money. Add in the complication of being a blended family and this is a really bad idea.

Kodchloe · 31/05/2026 21:05

Don't do it. So he left the last relationship with really a new born in the mix. Sounds really strange. I wouldn't be having more until I was with him alot longer. Ye are only together 2 years.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/05/2026 21:05

No. You have more than enough children already, it's not obligatory to have a child with every partner. You're very early days in this new relationship. It honestly sounds insane to me but if you're still hell bent on it after two years and your existing kids haven't killed each other maybe reconsider.

I just don't understand why people feel they have to endlessly produce more and more children.

pouletvous · 31/05/2026 21:12

What sort of car do you have?

a bus?

JG24 · 31/05/2026 21:12

Do you have the room, time and finances if all 4 kids were to suddenly live with you full-time?
It is very possibly that could happen, especially when they hit teenage years and have strong feelings about where they want to live
I think it sounds crazy because I decided not to have a second child because even though I could technically afford it atm, if things change I don't necessarily have the safety net and support in place and I don't think that would be fair on my existing child or a new one (redundancies, illness etc)

ThatLemonBee · 31/05/2026 21:15

Drivingmissrangey · 31/05/2026 19:43

I didn’t say it was his fault at all. But this does prove that you think you know someone, then….

You obviously don’t read a lot of MN if you think this one will have a happy ending with more children being thrown into the mix.

Show quote history

Yes because MM is the epitome of reality 🙄🤣🤣.
You clearly don’t know what you are saying . I literally deal and process divorces , the amount of men and women married even on second marriages that suddenly admits they are gay and leaves partners of decades is huge . It’s not that anyone misses a trait it’s simply that people hide and lie .
And while many don’t do blending well some do. Our blended family of 8 years has no serious issues at all . Our kids are thriving and we all get along better than most traditional ones .

RetiredFromExplaining · 31/05/2026 21:44

I’m one of four - all full siblings. Your daughters have just had their family extended by two having been on their own for seven and five years. They are probably still getting used to that.

Adding another child will divide your time, energy and attention from them even further.

Don’t do it. I resented my parents for having four of us and we are not close now we’re in our fifties. They never had enough attention for all of us and I felt desperately neglected in my teenage years.

Just don’t do it,

BruFord · 31/05/2026 21:57

I literally deal and process divorces , the amount of men and women married even on second marriages that suddenly admits they are gay and leaves partners of decades is huge . It’s not that anyone misses a trait it’s simply that people hide and lie .

@ThatLemonBee Interesting. I wonder why people still do this nowadays - I can totally understand hiding your true sexuality in the past, but now?

BudgetBuster · 31/05/2026 21:59

@AmITotallyBonkers Absolutely not anytime soon. I wouldn't even consider discussing it for years yet in your position.

You might know this man 15 years, but holy shit the rate ye moved in this relationship is absolutely insane and it seems nobody has stopped to think of the impact on the children. So much upheaval, change and chaos in there little lives;

  • Parents seperate
  • Have to get used to parents living seperately and custody schedules (which might have changed over the years)
  • Not sure how long you are seperated but your partner moved on extremely quick (yes the ex might have left him but that doesn't mean he had to bring another woman into his kids lives so quick)....
  • You & your partner start dating quickly, introduce kids to partners and other kids
  • You & your partner move in together WAY TOO QUICK. I cannot fathom why that happened (and I say that as a step-parent)
  • Get engaged
  • Now talks of a baby
  • Hell knows what's going on in their tiny little lives woth their other respective biological parents too (your exes).

These kids are so little. They need a stability which they just haven't physically had yet in their lives given all the above. Throwing another baby into the mix now is just not considerate of their needs.

By all means in 5 years if you are still together contemplate a shared child but please don't even consider it anytime soon.

Kelly1969 · 31/05/2026 22:04

Personally no I wouldn’t add another child to a complex mix already.
How big is your house that another child wouldn’t make you overcrowded, kids will want their own rooms eventually and it won’t go unnoticed if and when the youngest whose there 24/7 gets their own room while the others are sharing.
Too many things could go wrong.

Eruca · 31/05/2026 22:05

Definitely have another

ClairDeLaLune · 31/05/2026 22:06

Read the step-parent boards. And if that hasn’t convinced you enough that it’s a terrible idea, re-read this thread. And absolutely do not do it. It’s not fair on any of the kids. Put them first, not yourselves.

Summerfays26 · 31/05/2026 22:13

I had 3 children and my DH had 2 and we’ve since had 3 more, it’s been absolutely fine, think the 1st one is a big adjustment for everyone, the kids, the ex’s, you as a couple and needs much sensitivity but the older ones all adore the younger 3 now and vice versa

Oohanothername · 31/05/2026 22:18

I have a blended family with 4 kids (2 each) and they're teens now. I tell you, we absolutely adore our time together when it's just us 2. It's chaos at times with all 4, I love it, but god it's good to get the break to balance it out. I can't imagine having another kid in that mix, absolutely not. We got a dog instead

ChristmasBaby2026 · 31/05/2026 22:19

Summerfays26 · 31/05/2026 22:13

I had 3 children and my DH had 2 and we’ve since had 3 more, it’s been absolutely fine, think the 1st one is a big adjustment for everyone, the kids, the ex’s, you as a couple and needs much sensitivity but the older ones all adore the younger 3 now and vice versa

That is quite simply far too many children for one household. Where on earth do you put them all? How can those who do not live there full time not resent the THREE that live there permanently? You don’t say how old they are but I would be surprised it if is this rosy when they are teenagers.

Hazel257 · 31/05/2026 22:22

@BruFord There are a lot of people in the u.k. who are from religious or cultural backgrounds where being gay is still massively stigmatised. There are lots of people who moved here (or their parents did) from countries where it's still illegal to be gay, or where people can get killed for it. I imagine that could make coming to terms with being gay extremely difficult. Also I think for some older people who grew up when it was still really stigmatised in this country it might be hard to let go of that mindset even as things changed.