Would having a fifth child in our blended family be unrealistic?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

I have been in a relationship with DP for 2 years. We are engaged and live together. He has two DSS (3) and (5). I have DD (9) and DD (7). I am 31 and he is 38. I work part time school hours and he works full time half from home.

We have DSSs T W Th Night Week 1 and F S S Night Week 2. We have DD until Friday school pick up during Week 1 they are returned Sunday morning. Week 2 they don’t see their DF.

Would I be totally crazy to have another? We have the room at home and financial flexibility. Does anyone actually have 5 kids?!

As to not drip feed, life is busy but enjoyable, sometimes chaotic but worth it.

You've only been together 2years??
That's still the honeymoon period, im shocked you would consider having a baby with someone after 2y nevermind the fact you already have some very young children, why on earth do you think this is a good idea?
Nobody is having 5kids and meeting their needs.
How can parents be this selfish?

What’s your point? I’m not disputing the guys first wife is gay. I’m merely saying I think it’s batshit crazy to have to have another kid. They both have failed relationships that will have impacted children. Why throw another one into the mix when there’s more than a 1/3 chance this relationship will fail too?

@Summerfays26 how much time can you give each child when you have 8 of them? Are you financing university, driving lessons, helping with housing etc for all of them?

Did one of you reduce CMS payments to an ex with the addition of 3 more children?

OP - it would be a third child for you, and a third child for your partner. If you can afford it and have space, why not?

You don't need to rush, though, at 31.

The family is blended and your own children and his own children have other parents too who help raise them. So it isn't as if this would be a family of five where you are raising five full-time.

Of course you need to give each child full attention. But it sounds as if it would be fine, especially if relations with the other parents are quite good.

The older ones are all grown up now, they’ve all always had their own rooms, we’ve got 1 of the older ones still living at home. Just the youngest (toddler) who doesn’t have own room and still in with us which is fine. When we had our first together the older ones were still kids/teenagers so there was an overlap in the childhoods for a time. Obviously life very busy now with the 3 younger children but not really an issue as the grown ups are also busy with their own lives too, we do try to get some little kid free time with the grown up kids when we all get chance between work and everything else, which is always nice

Absolutely not. As it is he has 2 young boys. You have 2 girls. You’ve still both many years of parenting ahead and haven’t reached the teen years yet. 2 years is nothing. Love & cherish the 4 you have. Splitting resources even further given they all might need to also go through uni be absolute madness. Babies change dynamics and the 4 you have might struggle. You’ll do what you want at end of day but jeez oh, 5 is crazy, not to mention a new government might reintroduce cuts to family benefits and you could end up a lone parent. If it’s a good relationship, why add more stress on everyone?

Asking for trouble. What happens if you and DP spit up?

My DC all worked and paid for their own driving lessons, cars, saved up the deposits for their own houses etc (one still lives at home while saving and waiting to advance in career enough to earn enough to buy as single but the others bought with their partners so were able to buy when younger) The one who went to uni worked alongside uni also. The CMS reduction for your own children is peanuts and DH was paying over the CMS amount anyway so it wasn’t done directly through them, they both just used the calculator to check was the appropriate amount plus bits DH had agreed to contribute toward on top, now that’s switched to helping with uni costs due to them only getting reduced loans. My DSC had savings but also worked to pay for their driving lessons, first cars etc and are living away at uni. We certainly never expected our parents to pay for driving lessons, our first car, house etc, we worked from 12-13 doing babysitting, paper rounds and then more serious jobs once 16, nowadays obviously more difficult to get any work before 16 so gave them a bit of pocket money until then. However they’ve all worked in any job they could get the age of 16, biking/getting the bus to work until they could drive, we are very proud of them all as not easy to her work these days but all 5 of the grown up kids are all grafters and even the ones at uni working part time made the effort to buy the little ones lovely birthday and Christmas presents. P.s as mentioned in previous post, were super busy with the 3 younger ones as any parents with 3 young/primary aged children would be but then our older ones very busy working and with their own lives, still we do really try and spend time with each of them when ours and their calendars allow plus we spend time together as a family plus in regular phone/message contact. While they were still kids/teenagers and we had the first then one of us would look after dc while the other spent time/ went on holiday with our older DC and now we also do the same with our dc now, often one of us might take the younger 2 out while DH or me gets some one to one time with one of the others, although more activities can just do with the 3 younger ones together anyway compared to when we had a toddler and teenagers years ago.

I must be getting old. Blended and recomposed families? A family is a family, isn't it?

What an absolute mess.

Why did you feel you had to keep on having children. It isn't fair on anyone.

You don’t make much sense, a mess, are you unable to articulate the basis for that comment?

I’m just impressed that on 1.5 salaries you have a bedroom for each of the current 4 children and, presumably, one for the putative 5th. I think you’d be mad to another

Your sound as though you really have your ha no ds full at the moment with your blended family situation

I would just enjoy what you have to the fullest And not worry about coping with another child. Think you might find it works out better on the long run

Happy days!

If you try to be honest @Summerfays26

was the decision to add 3 more children to a blended family of 5 children really in the interests of the children?

What a bizarre pov. 🤔

I have read a lot of weird responses but this one takes the biscuit

Pray tell @Mumtobabyhavoc - why do you think asking whether adding 3 more children to a blended family of 5 children was in the interests of the children?

I agree with this, although realistically I probably wouldn't do it.

Why do you presume the man is at fault?

You have 4 wonderful children between you. You are getting to experience (each of you) having 2 daughters and 2 sons. What a lovely family you already have, why push yourselves? The baby will have a totally different life from your other children, that may cause resentment. Also, you might want to make use of those occasions both sets of DC are with other people and enjoy some time together.
I’d love to chuck ours out for a night and DP and I go out somewhere or stay at a nice hotel.
Also I’m the mum of a few SEN kids, everyone thinks they’re prepared for a child with additional needs until you have one. If you have a child with Sen your relationship with your partner and your children will dramatically alter. Plus it’s such early days. I do understand wanting more babies though. I’m too old now and I’m done done, but I would love a baby 😂

To who ever needs to hear this Some kids don't go to university,none of mine babe and all have decent full time jobs and are lawful members who contribute to society ,whilst some of their degree holding friends are 1000's of pounds in debt and struggling to find work in their field of expertise. Op do what you like I've got a blended family added more and it was the more the merrier . It depends what you want out of life I wanted a big family and I have one . We all go on holiday my kids his son and our children together .

Whats the mess?

I dont think OP should have another child given the circumstances of the partners younger kids having to cope with a 'new' family as it were

But are you saying that no one should have kids if they have been together for 2 years? Or just this example?

You say 'only' been together 2 years? Most posters on this forum seem to think that if a man isnt committing to wanting kids in that time, the OP should bin him off as she needs to get a move on.

Yes I think some people are stuck with quite an out of date view as to how the world operates today, I benefitted from going to uni but that isn’t the case for many young people today. My DC who went to uni earn less than before they went but was the only way to do the career in NHS wanted, which is pathetic for us as a society as the same job didn’t demand uni 20 years ago when the course and living costs were fully funded. The whole uni thing has just become a money making scam to fleece money out of parents and our young people. My other DC who didn’t go to uni and their partner actually earn more for jobs with better working conditions and less responsibility.

So you still can’t articulate any more reasoning behind your opinion than saying ‘it’s a mess’? You sound like your opinion is based on nothing more than prejudice against blended families, just leaves me guessing you to be wither a bitter 1st wife, a jealous older child of half siblings etc I don’t know or maybe sadly were a child of a blended family where it wasn’t handled sensitively/fairly??

Trying again!

OP: it would be your third child and his third child. So you would both be financially responsible for three.

Whether moving from two to three is a good idea - it depends, up to you.

It's great that you both provide love and emotional support to all the children - and they get the benefits of a being part of a larger gang. Expressing a further child as a 'fifth child' isn't quite right though.