The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Ilovelurchers sorry to hear about your " false start" with the guy that didnt reply about meeting.

I dont get how these guys get chances to go on dates and they couldnt care less, and I dont get chances, and i would go.

Awww well that sounds like it’s going well!

@MsJinks Don’t beat yourself up too much. I find these kinds of things hard to navigate too. Everyone is so different when it comes to planning ahead and communication styles. I personally am quite planned ahead and like to know when I’m seeing someone next, but I’ve had to learn to let go of that a lot and just trust that I someone says they’re keen to meet again, they are, even if there aren’t my firm plans yet.

Have been exchanging messages with Mr Umbrella on Bumble this week. Can’t say there are sparks flying conversation wise, but he seems nice enough. He’s asked me if I’m free to met up this weekend. I will say yes, but I’m finding it hard to get too excited (not because of him, I think it’s just me at the moment!). On the other hand, maybe it’s not a bad thing to go in with no expectations.

@BoxOfCats that might be EXACTLY how to approach it.

@MsJinks @Nosdacariad I don't really see why an adult should live alone if they are not raising kids. The last guy I dated, Mr RedFlagParade, lived with one of his (female) friends, they had a really nice friend group and a social life.

Lots of single no-kids women around 40 in my circle, all have very good jobs/ run own businesses, and all live with each other on and off, especially since Covid.

People have a much better social life, and a support network when they live with someone else. I've dated guys who have lived alone and they've had a bit of a loner personality/ not much going on. I'm not sure I'd date a guy who lives alone again, unless they do a lot outside the house.

Studio flats are a bit depressing and often in rundown parts of town. I'd say living with someone else shows that:

• person has social skills and isn't a loner
• they're a team player and community minded, able to step up when someone else needs help with groceries, feels unwell, shared cleaning duties etc
• fiscally more responsible, i.e. not spending a big % of their income on accommodation and bills as they're set on living alone

If I found out the guy I was dating lives with someone else, e.g. their brother, their mate, a lodger, that would be a pro, not a con. If they live with their kids then obviously they have that social aspect too.

Feel your pain. Although do think I’m on next Wednesday with Mr Holiday Horns. (Think I will change his name and give him this title until we’ve met). Loads of chat minus one day. No idea what that was about. Mr Situationship is still messing with my head. I drink called last night. He called back. I missed it and now won’t pick up or respond. I just need closure. (I know technically I don’t but I do!)

I’ve decided on-line dating is not for me. No message from the date last night. The third one ago turns out is a serial dater and was seeing someone for a few month’s. It’s so depressing. I don’t feel like I can keep putting myself though this. X

People are 100% that bored and lonely.

Many men, especially men who work with just men, rarely get to have a social conversation with a woman, someone take an interest in them, ask how their day went etc.

I'm quite interested in people/men just as people, I enjoy chatting etc. My phone is always full of social texts from men, where it's not a dating scenario. With some of them we very rarely meet. They just want to talk to someone and feel like someone is interested in their day and life.

They do say that people mostly want a partner to have a witness to their life. A woman on a dating app asking about their interests and opinions is often as close as it gets for a single middle-aged bloke.

I agree a lot of single men can be lonely or want female attention without necessarily being ready for or wanting a relationship.

I’m chatting to someone lovely at the moment. Really attractive and keen, and we have a lot of similar interests. He’s already asked me out but our free time doesn’t align at all. I’ve literally just dropped my DD at her dads for the rest of the week as he’s about to pick his DC’s up. That’s what it would be like every week.

I know I should end the chat but he’s the nicest I’ve chatted to in a while. Ticks every box. But I’d never get to see him. It’s so annoying. We both know it’s not possible but yet we’re still chatting!

But if you re jiggled time in the future wouldn’t you have lots of free time together? Is that a possibility?

I’ve said a straight no to so many men in the same situation before. But this one might be too good to pass by. He’s just joined bumble in the last few days. He saw me 6 months ago and swiped right but I didn’t. He said he wasn’t ready then so came off. He must have deleted his profile before I saw him.
He’s in the same profession as two of my 3 LTR’s and there’s a type. Which appears to be like catnip to me, especially if they’re emotionally unavailable. But he seems such good fun.
I’ve told him that we need to meet so let’s see what he comes up with. But we’ve worked out we actually have 1 night a week free together after much discussion so that’s a start.
It’s not like I have any other decent irons. And he’s gorgeous if his photos are accurate. He’ll only get a name once I’ve met and vetted him in person though.

@ElleintheWoods I appreciate your perspective, thank you x

I'm a lurker on this thread (not single) but I second @Nosdacariad 's suggestion. Salsa, bachata etc is a really nice way to enjoy women's company without any pressure or expectation. Don't worry if you have two left feet. Everyone does at the start.

1 night a week is fine as a starting point. Go for it. It will pace you naturally in the early days. Have deleted and blocked Mr Situationship, but he’s still in a mutual group chat. Fingers crossed I stay strong. On an early flight. Mr Holiday Horns has just messaged me he didn’t say it but I think he was checking I was up in time. My little heart melted a bit. Certainly not a normal time for him to text. Dear God. Please let him look somewhere near normal in the flesh. Only 2 pics on profile. 🙏

@duckingclueless I hope he's normal but I'm worried you're too invested before you meet xxx

@Nosdacariadnot by my standards. I get dreadful limerence. Highly ND. This is about as calm as I get. I’m in Spain for the weekend and am still very much single. :)

But you’re right in that the chat has gone on too long and invested before meeting. He should have been quicker off the mark. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Morning all!

Had my long awaited first date with Mr Beach last night - it was enjoyable but zero chemistry! (From my perspective anyway - he seemed keen!)

So it's back the to drawing board....

I wonder if I had such good chemistry with my ex, that my standards in that regard are now too high....

In essence I want to meet a version of my ex, but one who actually loves me and wants to be with me. (Is that too much to ask the universe? Yes, it would appear so....).

Back to the swiping. I guess the positive from last night is the confidence boost - I can attract decent, intelligent men! And also, I am pleased that I didn't just get carried away with the fact he was attracted to me (which I have tended to do in the past) - I also stepped back and considered whether I reciprocated, and realised I didn't.... That's got to be a positive, right?

What if the chemistry with your ex was caused by uncertainty, and the choice was between that and calm but lower starting chemistry?

@Ilovelurchers was it a date where the conversation itself was not bad and no awkward silences, but it felt like you were chatting to your brother or a male colleague, rather than a potential boyfriend?

Morning all!

Second date with Mr Mullet last night and I ended up back at his. Very fun and no regrets on that side! (Except the walk of shame aged 41 in rush hour wasn't fun).

I've definitely got feels for him and am unsure if it's reciprocated, but it's waaay too early for that conversation so I'll just try to keep a lid on my anxious brain.

Oh and, twice while he was showing me something on his phone last night, a WhatsApp message popped up from "Woman's Name Hinge" so he's obviously out there a lot... Bit of a kicker but we move.

That's exactly it. It felt like we had known each other much longer - conversation was so easy. And on paper he ticks so many boxes for me!

I am now starting to question whether I am being too hasty? Should I see if the chemistry has a chance to grow - meet him for a second date?

But the trouble is, in my heart of hearts I just don't see myself fancying him. Not that there is anything wrong with how he looks - I am sure a lot of women would find him attractive - just, whatever "type" is, he is not mine! And in a way I would feel I was leading him on if I pursued it, when I know inside that I am not really that in to him.....

So jealous of everyone having dates where there is actual chemistry - I would kill for this right now!

Happy for you all though, like. And it does give me hope that OLD can work.

@CleanShirt exciting 🥳🪅🎊

@Ilovelurchers you know whether you would ever fancy him, and if not then it's going nowhere xxx