The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ha, sounds like just my type too! 🤣

But what do your instincts tell you? Do you feel Planes' cons are likely to cause problems in the same way your ex's did? It's easy to spot patterns from the outside, but every relationship is complex and unique.....

So sorry you went through this, you and everyone else on here who did.

I too have experienced a use in relationships (mostly mental though some degree of physical on occasion) and perhaps that is why I have been finding it triggering listening to men stating that they know more about how women's minds work than we do ourselves.....I definitely need to step away from that aspect of the conversation I think. I've made my feelings clear, anyway.

@Ilovelurchers Yes that is my fear with Mr Nature. He’s already said that he’s met some lovely ladies and still friends with them but they “didn’t last the distance”. I know I want someone organised and gets on with stuff so both Mr Nature and Mr Concrete need to step up and organise a date. I’ve just lowered my dating age range so will see if anything comes from that.

It's good that you are setting expectations and sticking to them - I would give Nature a chance but also keep in mind what your instincts are telling you.....

So, my plan to squeeze in several dates over my child-free weekend is already going tits up, of course.

The first iron who agreed a time and venue, Mr Jewellery, has ghosted out of nowhere (and he was the keenest).

One other, Mr Horsebox, has fixed a time and place, but haven't heard from him since this morning.

The other four (Mr CEO, Mr Cat, Mr Beard and Mr Portugal are expressing they are up for dates, but have yet to fix a time slot or place, so we'll see.

It wouldn't actually surprise me if all five remaining ones bail and I end up dateless! So it goes.

CEO is offering to book a hotel, as he lives a long way away. Don't know whether to be flattered by the effort or a bit scared off by the keeness? He does seem pretty loaded tho, so perhaps it's the equivalent of me investing in a return bus ticket?

Who knows. This is a new strategy I am trying anyway, tot ry and stop myself obsessing over dates too much. We will see..

Wow this thread really went in a strange direction today!
@Ilovelurchers Fingers crossed some of them confirm. I usually find that when I’m free I’ve got no irons and when I’m not, they’re all coming out of the woodwork!

So I’m free this weekend and Mr Sheep (he now has a name as he’s very consistently messaging) is not. But we’re meeting on Monday. I’m not sure how I feel about swiping and setting up another date with someone else when he’s putting so much effort in. He’s obviously not dated in a while and is very enthusiastic, but that’s quite endearing after my last LTR where ghosting was a regular occurrence.

@Ilovelurchers i didnt mean to cause any upset on this thread. I wanted to share what i am going through on a daily basis, and find out from women on here as to what makes them swipe left, and then to see what i can go about correcting.

Im pleased you have these dates lined up. They must have done a lot right as you swiped right. Im here to learn.

I do want to send a photo via pm

@MsJinks yes of course, ill send my photo soon hopefully.

I think it depends what he does next.

At the moment he is irritating me because this morning at 9 he asked a Q by text, I replied with a suggestion and asked if it was ok and he has left me on read despite being on faceache.

It really wouldn't kill him to reply.

That's annoying I agree - and not really relationship-type behaviour. (IYSWIM - my FWB sometimes does this but it's fair enough because I'm not his priority, but if you are meant to be dating, he should be prioritising your feelings to a degree).

Is this standard for him, or do you think he is sulking about something?

I totally get that - I know a lot of people prefer to just talk to one person at a time, and that's primarily what I have done before, but I tend to find myself putting all my eggs in one basket leading to pressure and over thinking on the date itself.

I think I am more tolerant, relaxed, funner on the date, when I am dating a few so there isn't so much pressure on.

I would almost certainly restrict to one if I ever got to a second date. I think so anyway.

But I reckon as long as you are honest and open, there are no rights or wrongs - it's personal preference.

God, I wish my FWB wanted a relationship! We have had such a lovely couple of days.

Still, onwards and (hopefully) upwards!

@Ilovelurchers Great to her you had a lovely few days with him. Argh, it’s so hard when they don’t want a relationship but are otherwise great. I have my date with Mr Charismatic tomorrow night and am really looking forward to it. Mr Nomad, my long distance situationship, is also here in a couple of weeks which will be nice.

Am starting to suspect that Mr CEO is just a massive sexual pest with a tights fetish.

(I am sure I have come across tights fetishists before, is it a poplar one?)

If people just want hook ups, I just wish they would be honest about that from the start...

My Horsebox is the only one of my weekend dates who has chatted with any consistency this afternoon. He comes across well in messages and I think we will have stuff to chat about, but his life is a bit of a car wreck I think which, selfishly, worries me. I'm also not hugely attracted to his pics, but as we know that can be different in real life. Just need to wait wait and see I guess!

Your date with Mr C sounds great. Enjoy it, just keep reminding yourself not to fall too deep, if you can.

I had my head on FWB's chest earlier - my favourite way to cuddle him & and I did had a moment of "if only this was my man, who loved me, how happy I would be".

So I am going to remember that imagined happiness and try to find it in reality! Hopefully with someone who isn't a car crash, or a tiggts-based sex pest......

Attraction can definitely be different in real life vs pics in my experience.

Tights fetish? Is he asking you for pics?

Thanks for the advice, I have chatted to Mr Drums about kids and living situations and he's still up for meeting next weekend, this weekend he's seeing his kids. So far so good. And I am definitely attracted to him based on his pictures. I'm now worried about getting too invested and also about getting any sleep because the chatting is getting a bit 🔥. In a good way.

If you've got such contempt for our opinions you know you could just... leave the thread?

This is all going a little bit red pill and I'm not enjoying it.

@Ilovelurchers no he's not annoyed about anything.

Also it is not at all selfish to avoid dating people whose lives are a car crash.

@Ilovelurchers what have I missed? Where did this tights fetish come from? 😂

@Ilovelurchers. Eugh Mr Pervert asked me a few times to wear stockings, I said no . What did I find amongst his box of tricks but a pair of neon pink one size fits all stockings . One of the last things I said to him before I walked out was ‘you’ve pushed my boundaries buying them, I said no!’ Unless of course they were for him. , his dominatrix or someone else!

the thing is . If people just want a hook up or want people to engage is certain kinks etc surely they should be on ‘those’ apps’ why pretend they want a relationship? Or is that part of the thrill ?

CEO: asked me if I ever wear tights; asked me to wear tights on the date (or rather, told me to do so; asked for pics of me in tights....

Don't worry, I have told him what I thought of him and blocked him!

It's a harmless enough fetish as they go, and one I wouldn't mind indulging occasionally in a beloved, ling tern partner who was also willing to try stuff I liked. (Even though I really don't like tights - in fact they bring my legs out in a bit of a rash when it's hot!

But who the fuck does he think he is & we have never even met!

He was clearly an arrogant prick, who thought his substantial weather and "status" (don't want to be too outing but he was a former pro rugby player) meant women should fall at his feet to cater to this stuff.

Also endless complements about my looks - specifically my figure - and zero interest in my personality.

Just glad he revealed all this before we actually met. I reckon he would have been very pushy in person, and perhaps a little scary (he was a huge guy - very tall and muscular and powerful looking).

Fuck me - bullet dodged there!

Wealth, not weather. Sorry for all the typos - they are rage-typos!

@Ilovelurchers god good on you for dodging that one! Sounds a bit like he's looking for a prop to help him enjoy his fetish rather than looking to build a relationship with an actual person.

Yuck. Why do seemingly nice men think it’s okay to talk sex before you’ve met and established whether or not you even fancy each other? It’s the biggest turn off for me.