The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I find this quite bizarre. Anyway I’m no longer engaging, best of luck with the swiping.

Mate just do.what I did. Leave your profile exactly as it is but change your photos for.a handsome man. Not necessarily a model but a good looking man. If your luck changes wildly you have your answer. If not I'm wrong.

I'd bet all the money I have I'm not wrong though everyone in here will try and contort your findings to fit their preconceptions. Just do it.

I really think Redshark and Thersites need to step away from this thread now. As a woman I am really starting to feel it isnt a safe place to even post to be honest. Sorry just how I've been feeling reading recently. This isn't supposed to be a therapy session for one single male poster either....

This thread has become very odd...

Redshark and Thersites, I don't really know what you want people here to say. You seem to be after someone to massage your egos, or just confirm what you already believe, even when it's inaccurate?

I have no idea whether you're conventionally attractive or unattractive, but one thing that does come across as very unattractive is your general attitude and tiresome lamentations.

For goodness sake, stop with this 'woe is me' mentality. It isn't helping either of you. Nobody wants a low confidence misery guts who is always feeling sorry for themselves.

Yeah, life is tough. Dating isn't for the thin-skinned at all, and judging by your comments, neither of you seem to be in a great place to be dating right now. Maybe work on changing that rather than fixating on why it's impossible for you to meet someone.

And, spoiler alert, even if you were to meet someone tomorrow, your life wouldn't magically improve. Relationships can be stressful and complicated and are rarely 'happily ever after'. Chances are if you're unhappy now, you're still going to be unhappy in a relationship.

Couldn’t agree more @Becky3825

@Becky3825 im sorry, i didnt mean to tale this thread over. You have all been very helpful to me.

I concur. An overwhelming pattern here is lack of confidence and general neediness. I for one am not looking for a man project. I want someone with his shit together, go out and date, have a good time and build a future together. Optimism is attractive.

@ForRedShark- do not try @Thersitesrecommendation - it takes you nowhere. You may well get swipes but what you going to do with them? You might make yourself feel worse I guess.

I will continue to believe that these added swipes won’t result in added dates - people may want to look, but seeing a good looking guy and noting that he is so, just doesn’t translate to personally finding them attractive. The personality may fail to engage - all the normal ‘no’s’ Will still apply just more folk looked first and then rejected - nice!

Have you heard of self fulfilling prophecy? This is what you’re both doing - the messages on here may not be representative of those you send on OLD of course, but I wouldn’t be answering you on there as they’re quite depressing and a bit bitter.

Its definitely be happy in yourself first - evidence of 3 - myself, 2 kids - happier you, happier relationships ensue - not evidential but at least experiential - and many have said the same.

If you have further constructive stuff to say or ask then I will engage again, but whilst this debate is ongoing then I think best not - best of luck to you both and those you swipe on too.

I've been lurking on this thread since going on Match a few weeks ago. I've chatted to a few guys and even met one for a coffee but he seemed a bit intimidated by me and actually said we should keep the conversation lighter just when it started to get interesting. So that was a no.
I now have one promising iron, let's call him Mr Drums, we've been messaging daily for about a week. Can I have some advice on when it's appropriate to ask about his kids or talk about mine, and will he run a mile if I tell him I'm still sharing the house with my ex and will until we're able to sell?

Well changing the subject- Mr Nature Man has text. Apologising for not being able to meet this weekend as unexpected guest and has to be taxi for his daughters. Now suggesting the following weekend. He’s also stated he’s not a “needy communicator”. Meanwhile Mr Concrete keeps hinting at a coffee date but not outright asking. He has been on two coffee dates in the 3 weeks he’s been online but says they ended as he didn’t feel a connection. Feeling very rusty at dating after a long marriage. Not sure what to make of Mr Nature Man.

@LostaraYilI have no advice but as a fellow Match person wanted to wish you luck. I did date last year whilst I was still living with my ex and it didn’t put men off.

@coolpattern @VaxMerstappen and @MsJinks I agree with all you have written and expressed about this issue/his issue.

@ForRedShark whether you meant it or not you did and have and continuously ignored the amazing and gentle, compassionate advise other posters (ALL WOMEN) have given you for weeks now. You stood someone up FFS.

For what its worth the ex I met online didnt mean to punch me in the face every weekend....but seemed to not be able to stop doing that either. So excuse me if I do not believe that unless you leave this thread you wont be back in a week or so with another question about whether women prefer men with facial hair/body hair, tall me, short men, men who go to the gym, men who are rich...yadda yadda yadda.

I came back on here after having a really long break from online dating after that disastrous, abusive, and frankly nearly life ending relationship ended. I worked on myself and my boundaries, got really fit, lost 15 kg and finished a nursing degree as a single parent with 4 children, three of which are under 8 years old. Trust me as well its not just you, I am fricking gorgeous if I do say so myself but after a MONTH on hinge I havnt had a single date. Turns out having 4 kids and being 38 is not exactly 'alluring' to the opposite sex either. The same happens in real life too for me. Plus its hardly something i can work on, i cant out run the kids or out therapy them!

Anyway I wouldnt want to and the right man will come inti my life when the time is right.

Just please seek help and get off the internet and out in the fresh air or something

@MsJinks im not going to do what he suggested and replace my photos with a model looking type guy, just to see the likes drop into my inbox.

I cant change the face i was born with, so I have to be grateful for what i have and who i am essentially. A woman somewhere, surely will find me attractive, it may just take a bit of time, thats all.

@MsJinks i could pm you my photo just so you can see.

@Becky3825 i hope your luck changes soon on the apps, im sure it will.

I think talk about kids whenever you like and if he runs a mile he's not for you.

We're all different but I would not date someone sharing a home with their ex, too much space for complication IMHO.

And WELCOME!

He sounds like a wally "not a needy communicator" what!

An hour with my therapist and I'm fearing I may have bagged another version of MrX...

How so @Nosdacariad it all sounded promising x

We'll see but similarities - no assets, financial issues, sexual difficulties.

Differences - planes has a retirement plan, drives, and has emotional intelligence.

We'll see.

It sounds like you’ve a lot of awareness of the situation and won’t let it get out of hand.

Hopefully I learned something last time...

You can @ForRedShark- I am going out shortly for an overnight so it may be a while before I get back to you - can you be ok with that? No panicking I’ve died of shock ha or don’t know what to say?

I’ve been pretty much where Becky has - managed to find such monsters twice in fact! So I understand the triggers and concerns raised by some - blessedly for me it’s a lifetime ago and a different country really - but I’m left quite keen to help anyone on a better path - I’m also big into my love not hate anyway - this Nan puts her doc marts to marching on counter protests all over the place lol - just so you know where I’m at - I do want to assist if I can - just the toxicity is recognisable and can be upsetting on here.

Anyway, send it/some whenever you like - but do wait patiently for a response.

Welcome! This thread is so helpful - it's been a bit of a mad day on here today, but it's generally great - a fantastic, funny, supportive, non-judgemenral group of women!

I would mention your kids and ask about his quite soon if I were you - if it's a red flag for him, it will be whether you mention it now, or further down the line. And you will have wasted even more of your time....

It's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask about.

And don't worry too much about living with your ex. Again, yes it will put some off, but others will be fine about it, and better to find out soon.....

Mr Nature-Man could be preparing the ground for being an utterly shit texter, I suspect? But perhaps I am cynical. Has he rearranged a date, if he can't do this weekend?

Concrete needs to stop hinting and pull his finger out - it's coffee, bit a kidney! Would you feel comfortable suggesting some times and locations, or do you prefer him to do that? Maybe he feels now he has hinted, he wants you to seal the deal. But everyone feels differently about this - I know some prefer to man to organise the first date.