Partner repeatedly walks out after disagreements, leaving me with baby

[Girlmumof5]

Hey everyone.

Im looking for advice although I think I know what you’ll all say.

my partner of 2 years constantly walks out leaving me with baby, the slightest disagreement and he’s off to his mums sometimes for days with no contact then comes back and no apology. I know I should not be allowing this to happen more than once!

I’m starting to feel like a pushover and very anxious as to when he will up and go again! He has left again tonight. I work and it’s affecting my work as he looks after baby my working days. Any advice appreciated!

I had a panic attack when I went to bed with anxiety is this normal to feel so low even although I know it’s the right decision?

It’s so hard to leave when you have little kids, it’s totally normal to be feeling so low. I applaud you because I haven’t left. The last time mine walked out was 3 weeks ago. In my mind it was over but he came back and he was willing to talk about the relationship this time. We have two small kids so I know how hard it is. I was firm and gave him the ultimatum that if he does it again we need to end, he can’t live the single life walking off doing what he wants after an argument. Taking space for an hour or something that’s fine but disappearing for a few days is not ok. His mother is also interfering so I put my foot down and said she isn’t to be involved in the relationship anymore. She has backed off. I think this is the reason I’ve stayed right now is because he has been willing to sit down, listen and talk. Unless our partner can see he’s doing wrong and hurting his family, then you definitely need to seperate even if it’s to shock him to the core. He needs to see you’re serious which you’re doing so that’s great. When he comes back definitely have his things bagged up and either tell him to leave you’re not putting up with it anymore or you give him the ultimatum, say we need talk and that if it happens next time it’s over

Totally normal to feel this upset. You’re doing the right thing for you and your child. He’s mummy’s problem now.

This man is emotionally immature and part of that is connected with his mother who is ridiculously over involved. She probably likes having emotional engagement on her terms with you as the bad guy. Both her and him sound draining. Hopefully they find someone else to fix on.

You will not fix this nor do you have the time. You will get through it. Do not waste any more energy on this man who will probably now spiral around wanting a discussion or trying to flit between your house and his mother’s place. Do not engage.

You’re absolutely doing the right thing for both you and your DC. Everything you’re feeling is completely understandable, even though it’s so bloody hard to go through. Take things one step at a time, focus on getting through today rather than looking too far ahead or dwelling on the past. In the here and now, looking after yourself matters, especially with people depending on you.

It may also help to reach out to organisations like Women’s Aid or look into the Freedom Programme for additional support. If you have a good relationship with your health visitor, they can also be a valuable source of support for your wellbeing and emotional health. 💐🫶🏻

Wrong thread. Deleted

Well done for standing firm. I’d suggest reading up on DARVO, based on how he tried to blame you for his behaviour. Also look up trauma bonds. On paper, you can see he’s a free loading, waste of space who clearly costs more than he contributes, but it’s easier said than done to emotionally detach.
I was married to someone who created an atmosphere, constantly walking on eggshells. Not a good place to be and definitely no way to raise a child. We are SO much happier now. DARVO link
Info on trauma bonding
I’m not saying for certain he’s abusive (although storming out and silent treatment suggest it) but I think it would be helpful for you to learn more.

End it! He is emotionally immature and his dad/mother had done a poor job bringing him up. Utter failure, they should be ashamed if that’s what they produced. Yet you’re not his mum and cannot correct him. Leave him.

I'd give his mum the baby and tell her that it's his turn and he can't just keep leaving you with the child when you have to work and he takes the hump.

Have a bag packed for the baby at the ŕeady and go out and put her in the car. "If you're going to tolerate your son acting like a man child fine but I won't. Our child is half his responsibility and it's his turn. Toodles!".

Alternatively you also say to him "listen, I've had enough Bob, let be make this very clear, you owe me a serious apology and, if you repeat this behaviour one more time, we are finished. You should be ashamed of how you are treating your family" and mean it.

I mean obv leave the bastard anyway but I'd do these things first to make it clear you gave him his last chance and, his mum and him will have the kid 50/50 when you split so he will have to do more work.

I'm glad that worked out for you - my experience after not letting my ex back for a few months was that he pretended to be different for the first little while after moving back in and then went right back to what he was doing before.

Most men don't change. Op, just don't allow him to move back home, ever...and proceed without him. You will be much happier.

Get your locks changed ASAP. Don't want him just waltzing back in when his mum gets sick of him. Or when he thinks you've been "punished" enough cause guarantee he doesn't believe he's actually dumped.

Well done you for getting rid of him.

It's normal to be up and down for the next few weeks, but just remeber you've done right by you and your child. Can't raise a kid seeing their mum being emotionally abused by a feckless loser and tolerating it.

Sounds like s/he will be too young to remember him leaving too so that's good.

This is how life was for me. I started to recognise is as a form of abuse when I was seriously ill and had to drive myself to hospital with our baby in the car, because he refused to look after her or take me in. In the end, it was easier to be single and claim help with childcare costs, rebuilding life so we could be more secure. Now she is nearly 9 and I am in a relationship with a man she chooses to call dad, and who is there for us without ever having to be asked. Life doesn't end when you leave a relationship like this; it begins.