Partner repeatedly walks out after disagreements, leaving me with baby

[Girlmumof5]

Hey everyone.

Im looking for advice although I think I know what you’ll all say.

my partner of 2 years constantly walks out leaving me with baby, the slightest disagreement and he’s off to his mums sometimes for days with no contact then comes back and no apology. I know I should not be allowing this to happen more than once!

I’m starting to feel like a pushover and very anxious as to when he will up and go again! He has left again tonight. I work and it’s affecting my work as he looks after baby my working days. Any advice appreciated!

I'd let his Mummy have him back permanently if she's not kicking up the arse and telling him to grow up.

Get rid of him, let him be permanently tangled up with his mother's apron strings.

@Girlmumof5 if he is looking after his baby, drop her off at his Mum's, she'll soon be less reluctant to scoop him up every time he can't cope.

Your girls will be observing how you handle this guy, kick-ass Mum should be your default. 🌻

Let him move back with mummy permanently then. She can have him

Good idea

Echo what has been said. These men don’t get better but get more entitled. I’d make plans to split.

His mother's an interfering old bag for facilitating his behaviour. Thank goodness you're in a good place to manage without him.

Punt him off to mummy dear on a permanent basis.

Whose name is on the tenancy?

If it’s just yours then ask him not to come back and change the locks.

Honestly, him going back to his mums is a bit of a red herring.
This relationship just isn’t working.

OP, I hope you are ok?
I have one of those partners too. There will be phases where he doesn’t do it but in all honestly after 6 years I don’t care anymore. Your DP is going to his mums, probably getting annoyed with her after a few days then starts to miss his family. And the cycle repeats.

I’ve forged a life with me and the kids now, I put my energy into the kids and myself. Is there much arguing in your relationship that could tone down a bit? I’ve noticed since our petty arguments have stopped, he’s more present and wanting to resolve issues rather than storming off. However, it’s only because HE wants to be here with us. How does your DP feel in general about the whole relationship? Time to sit down and talk I feel.

Thank you all!
I’ll try answer the questions please correct me if I missed any!

the house is in my name only thankfully!
he did do this during my pregnancy once or twice but I stupidly allowed it, as they say “what you allow will continue”
We don’t have many arguements as I try to avoid them as I know this will be the outcome, it’s no way to live.
he doesn’t work
I have tried time and time again to talk about this and he will say I’ll be better

I had an incident this evening with my other daughter getting hit by another kid and the parents becoming very volatile and when his mum rang asking for baby walker I told her and her words were “well (her son) won’t be getting involved in that” I didn’t ask for him to in any way. Just realising she is far too involved in his life!

I also got a bit upset tonight it’s the first I’ve cried about this, think it’s because I know the answer to the issue

Well, you have multiple issues: he’s a lazy cocklodger, his mother enables him, and he’s as emotionally literate as a potato.

You’d be much better off without him. What a waste of space he is.

You got pregnant by a man you’d been in a relationship with for a year, you didn’t really know him and unfortunately now you’re paying the price for that.

This doesn’t sound healthy at all.

He doesn’t work and lives in your house for free and I bet he isn’t making up for the lack of financial input by being in charge of the household chores or childcare.

You avoid any type of conflict which again isn’t healthy at all.

In a normal relationship you can raise concerns and have conversations about worries or problems and then you find a resolution and move on whilst you’re walking around on egg shells with multiple elephants in the room from issues you’re too scared to raise.

Do all of your children a favour and ditch this loser. They deserve better.

The thing is, this guy is actually onto a really good thing. He’s met a woman with her own house, car and job and he can’t be arsed to treat her nicely. She tiptoes around him in case he starts an argument and when he leaves the atmosphere goes. He doesn’t even work.

End it with this man. He’s a waste of space fortune hunter. Change the locks and bag up his stuff. Tell him that he brings an atmosphere and doesn’t make you happy. File a CMS claim (although you may not get much if he doesn’t work). Just think how delicious it would be to have a house without him and all his crap in it.

I would tell him to stay gone this time.

OMG seen your update that he doesn't even work! Yes change those locks, find a childminder, leave him at mummy's house failing to launch. Good riddance.

It’s going to be a straightforward break up OP. The only thing you’ll need to do is have a small argument and off he’ll go. From there you can change the locks, gather his possessions and either take them to his mums or give him a slot of time to come and collect them.

What do you think custody arrangements would look like? Have you got that far?

Hope you’re looking after yourself this all sounds quite horrible.

He’s not willing to work through any disagreements with you and is conditioning you to never disagree which him or he’ll have a tantrum and leave. His mum is also enabling him to act like a child. I don’t see how this is going to work tbh. I would tell him to leave and not return. That way he’ll either realise he can’t keep acting like that or he’ll just leave and you’ve not lost much anyway as he’s not actually acting like a partner or parent.

The brass neck on some of these men who think they can behave however they like, yet contribute next to nothing. I would argue that in this case, his net contribution is negative, because you pay the bills and do almost everything. What does he contribute other than a negative atmosphere? It sounds like your life would be a lot easier without him around.

My ex used to do this, it was fucking awful. Eventually he left me for someone else and it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

I agree. They do it because they can get away with it, there have been no negative consequences resulting from the behaviour, if anything he is 'rewarded' because it means he gets out of doing things that he would rather not do.
Why does he get away with it?
I'd say it's because his female partner is in denial about what's really going on. She is a kind and giving person who cares about her children and she cannot imagine someone else not caring about their children.
She hopes that if she carries on doing the right thing and being kind towards him that he will eventually reciprocate and be kind towards her. This is understandable but it is harming her. In order to move forward with her life she will have to accept the painful truth that he is not a good or responsible person and he only wants to exploit her.