Partner repeatedly walks out after disagreements, leaving me with baby

[Girlmumof5]

Hey everyone.

Im looking for advice although I think I know what you’ll all say.

my partner of 2 years constantly walks out leaving me with baby, the slightest disagreement and he’s off to his mums sometimes for days with no contact then comes back and no apology. I know I should not be allowing this to happen more than once!

I’m starting to feel like a pushover and very anxious as to when he will up and go again! He has left again tonight. I work and it’s affecting my work as he looks after baby my working days. Any advice appreciated!

Yep well let his mummy have him. Keep him gone and don’t speak to her as she is no longer anything to do with you.

I'm happy to say it’s my house and car and I pay the bills also. So it shouldn’t upset the apple cart too much. When he is gone the atmosphere in the house also leaves.

So was the sex good or??

Anyway you gave him an ultimatum, he's shown you who he is - i hope you finally LTB x

I think the issue is I depended on him in some way as I have no support really, outwith my kids and me being an only child, my mum passed 10 years ago and my dad who I care for also very unwell.
I’ve only recently realised he is bringing me stress than support. He did not take his things so I will bag them up and take everyone’s advice and give him a time to collect.

I am glad he's gone. A partner is meant to support you and enrich your life. He does not do that in any way, financially practically or emotionally.

He has tried to punish you yet again by leaving in the hope that you will feel upset and then taking him back like nothing has happened. Outrageous for him to walk back and have a shower in your house, that he doesn't contribute to, without a care.

Let him go back to his mum!

I guarantee he didn't take his things because he hasn't taken you seriously. Bagging them up is a great move!

It can be very hard to accept the reality of these situations @Girlmumof5, but in order to escape from the trap that you are in you need to see it for what it actually is.

I think there's a good chance that his mum doesn't really want him with her full time, he will be as much of a liability for her as he is for you. It might be that she's enjoying competing with you for dominance over him and that's why she allows him to keep coming back. He feels like he's the prize because his two 'mummies' are fighting over him.
You'll have to stand firm, gray rock them both and stonewall any attempts that he makes to get his feet back under your table.

Change the locks. Get reliable childcare

I assume he doesn't give you any money?

With him gone at least you can get the council tax changed.

No not a penny so that’s no loss

Don’t even give him the chance to come back for his stuff. Once it is bagged up, drive it I er to his mother’s and be shot of him once and for all.

Brilliant advice here
you’d be better off without him!

Well done OP. Well rid of this loser/sponger/cocklodger.

Get him gone and get onto CMS.

@Girlmumof5 the way you handled him is inspiring. Well done for finding the strength.

Thank you all ❤️ I think I have weighed things up and had the conversation with myself 1000 times in my head and it is upsetting and I am sad and heartbroken but this is a case of it hurts more to hang on than to let go.

I assume he's getting unemployment or jobseekers

Get on to the CSA as well

If you're going to grill OP, at least have the manners to do it coherently.

Please don't take him back OP when he comes round begging later on, he sounds absolutely awful and that manbaby shit will grind you down over the years, protect yourself from it.

I agree op. This actually sounds borderline abusive as if it's that frequent he's essentially creating arguments to have an excuse to go off and do what he wants and then gaslighting you and making you feel responsible. You have done the right thing by kicking him out now the most important thing will be making sure you don't let him back in.

As a lone parent I was surprised at how much easier I found it actually. Its hard at the start but you do develop a good routine and I get help with childcare costs through uc even though I work full time so that means ds can go to nursery. Ring a citizens advice service to make sure you know what help you're entitled to and claim everything you can. Go through cms and make sure he's paying maintenance.

In terms of support, I'd try to make a point of getting to some mum and baby classes and be really proactive in trying to chat to people and make friends. When I became a lone parent we also had to move away from my support network and its really hard but I kept pushing myself to make conversation and organise playdates and go to toddler classes etc and I made some good friends out of that. When you don't have family to be your village you need to build one actively.

I'd also get support from womens aid because him yelling in your face, making you be responsible for all the bills, leaving you responsible for all the childcare, blaming you for 'making him angry' etc is abuse and you deserve support with that. He may disappear and leave you in peace but he may not and if he gets nastier you'll be glad of a support network.

You did the right thing. Noone could put up with a lifetime of that behaviour nor should they.

Don’t wait for him to do it again. End the relationship now. He’s not a partner. Let him go back to mummy. But do the CMS thing.

Well done!

Well done. You're well rid of this manbaby. Now mummy can have him all to herself.

Can I just run a time line ?

Can I say that you're a nosey, rude and ignorant moron.

All the best to you OP. You’ve shown some real self respect in setting that boundary today and you’ll really thank yourself for that one day. ❤️

Thank you all so much 🥺 this thread has really empowered me! Thank you for all the great advice!

I'm definitely going to join Baby classes on my days off and build some support for myself.
I had a slight cry when baby was crying at bedtime but I’ve managed through it.
Im just so exhausted 😓

Courage! You will get through this and when you look back you'll be amazed that you tolerated this waste of space for so long! You and your baby deserve a lot better.