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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was I wrong to be upset by being called a nightmare ex?

214 replies

FlowerPower8282 · 17/05/2026 09:24

Out for drinks last night. Talking to a friend of a friend who I’ve never met before. She had a reasonably strong opinion of me which I was shocked about.

The conversation was about ex husbands and their roles in our lives now we are divorced.

I said that I expected my exh to pay me maintenance. She was in agreement until she realised we co-parent 50/50. Exh pays all of the children’s expenses. I pay my household bills which obviously includes some clothing for my children when they are with me and their food.

I also mentioned that I am upset with the time he spends with his new girlfriend and that she is playing mum to my children. I don’t like the girlfriend and have no interest in her whatsoever. I don’t acknowledge her if I see her. She isn’t like me and has different interests and approaches to me. For example, I spend a lot of time on my appearance, weekly blow drys, nails, lashes, new clothes, gym sessions etc She seems to not spend any time on her appearance whatsoever. Now he’s with her, he’s changed. He used to agree with me and now argues with me. He won’t pay for my expenses like he used to and even suggested I stop trying to control him and focus on my new partner.

The friend of my friend was quite rude to me. She said I sound like a nightmare ex and then went on to say that I have no right to his money or his time and to leave him alone.

Am right to be upset? The evening ended awkwardly and my friend in the middle is upset and won’t comment on the situation.

OP posts:
FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 08:23

throwawayimplantchat · 18/05/2026 08:18

If you won the lottery so were wealthier than him, would you start sending him a monthly amount so that he had it available during his time with the kids?

I’d pay off his mortgage for him.

OP posts:
ButterYellowFlowers · 18/05/2026 09:29

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 08:23

I’d pay off his mortgage for him.

Why? You’re not a family or a couple anymore. Stop thinking of yourselves as a unit. You’re divorced.

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:52

ButterYellowFlowers · 18/05/2026 09:29

Why? You’re not a family or a couple anymore. Stop thinking of yourselves as a unit. You’re divorced.

We are though. We still have children together. We still need to communicate and be a team. We should still support each other and be there for each other.

OP posts:
Witchonenowbob · 18/05/2026 09:53

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:52

We are though. We still have children together. We still need to communicate and be a team. We should still support each other and be there for each other.

That doesn’t include funding you!!

The children, but only fairly!

ButterYellowFlowers · 18/05/2026 09:55

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:52

We are though. We still have children together. We still need to communicate and be a team. We should still support each other and be there for each other.

That’s what you want. That’s not reality though. You are coparents not partners. Coparents discuss and ensure their kids are cared for respectively. They don’t bankroll the other or have them on their business Uber account.

You are two separate units with a link (children) you are NOT one unit.

SoScarletItWas · 18/05/2026 09:55

Why did you split up, @FlowerPower8282?

SnappyUmberLion · 18/05/2026 09:55

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:52

We are though. We still have children together. We still need to communicate and be a team. We should still support each other and be there for each other.

You’re not, though. You’re absolutely not a family or couple. Your ex has a financial obligation to his children, but not to you.

ClockGoesBack · 18/05/2026 09:58

FlowerPower8282 · 17/05/2026 09:38

Why shouldn’t he pay? He earns more than I do.

Why should I speak to his girlfriend? He spends his money on her now. He claims he doesn’t and that he has to pay for his new house, furnishings and for our children. One is at a boarding school for the arts, which admittedly costs him a fair amount each month, but I pay for them (food/water) when they are home in the holidays. He doesn’t pay anything towards their upkeep when they are with me.

“boarding school for the arts, which admittedly costs him a fair amount each month, but I pay for them (food/water)”

🤣🤣🤣

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:59

SoScarletItWas · 18/05/2026 09:55

Why did you split up, @FlowerPower8282?

We’d been together too long and I needed space and freedom. We just didn’t want to be together anymore. It had run its course.

OP posts:
SoScarletItWas · 18/05/2026 10:01

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:59

We’d been together too long and I needed space and freedom. We just didn’t want to be together anymore. It had run its course.

Sorry that just made me spit my tea.

Space and freedom but still a unit and keep paying all the things.

Yep. You are 100% on the wind up.

WirralWool · 18/05/2026 10:08

This can’t be for real. Nobody is this much of an entitled princess.

SingedSoul · 18/05/2026 10:59

SoScarletItWas · 18/05/2026 09:55

Why did you split up, @FlowerPower8282?

Because she's a f@cking nightmare should just about cover it! 🙄

Macaroni46 · 18/05/2026 13:55

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:59

We’d been together too long and I needed space and freedom. We just didn’t want to be together anymore. It had run its course.

Yet you’re happy to take his money and expect him to be bank roll you. So not really space and freedom!

Macaroni46 · 18/05/2026 13:56

FlowerPower8282 · 18/05/2026 09:52

We are though. We still have children together. We still need to communicate and be a team. We should still support each other and be there for each other.

Seems like the support is all one way: him paying for you. How do you support him?

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