Husband said he wants to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided

[mummy917]

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

I think it's much better she keep quiet and keep her records. Never reveal your secrets or your strategy to your enemy.

If she points out that he's not doing 50/50 and threatens going for primary & maintenance, he will step up and make sure he is, for now. Then once he gets 50/50 based on his 'stellar record', he'll be able to relax and revert to type.

OP will have plenty of time to bring out the 'big guns'. In court, and that's where it matters.

And if he does end up paying cms I keep a spreadsheet of every penny he’s paid , and every penny he hasn’t .

I have got everything written down, but that’s also just who I am as a person anyway; I like to be organised, especially when it’s something like this that I’ve got no experience in.

I have started the application for divorce online this afternoon. Starting baths etc soon so will come back to it once the kids are in bed.

I have started the application for divorce online this afternoon

Well done, op. Take back some control. Get it sorted and sent. I think you will be really glad that you did.

They think they are clever because they got away without the lies for however long. They don’t realise that the reason we didn’t clock what was happening was because we aren’t untrustworthy ourselves and not because aren’t as clever as them. Good luck to OW anyway, they’ll be writing a thread like this in a year or two.