Partner is so judgemental about my alcohol.

[KhakiOrca]

Hi everyone

I've been with DP for 6 months. I came out of a long term relationship with an alcoholic ex.

So , the issue is around alcohol. He doesn't drink at all. Whereas I have had alcohol with food all my life. I have done a wine course with my job and I can pair wine with food and have been to caves in France with wine and cheese etc.

I find wine and food pairings amazing.

But he keeps calling me a lush, he says things in front on my siblings and children (which they have picked up on)

I went through a stage of hiding alcohol from him, but to me this is destructive as I feel like im being secretive. I then realised this was actually making me drink more !
So now I dont hide anything, but because of that, hes now calling me retarded, alcoholic, lush, etc.

I just want to live my life as I have always done, and at the age of 55 I know my limits. My daughter and sisters have picked up on his comments to.

I also notice that if I have any amount of alcohol at all he won't give me affection which I really need.

Im so confused 😕

Yes because why would she hide her drinking before? Her ex was an alcoholic and her children and sister will likely be used to him so in comparison nobody judged the Ops drinking too much. Until this new man who’s reaction caused her to start hiding it. No alcoholic would hide it if none of their important others saw their drinking as a problem. Only when someone begins to make them feel criticised do they start to hide.

All of this.

Just to point out also that as the parent of a child with severe learning difficulties, I think people like your 'D'P who stoop to using the 'r' word are utter scum.

Chuck him out. Enjoy the peace and quiet and jugement free wine. Don’t worry about his Hurty Feelings because he’s not worrying about yours.
Invest in some assertiveness training because you are a massive pushover.

It's really sad that back before Christmas OP was trying to get help for her alcoholism by joining AA online and yet now is still drinking a fair amount of wine. OP I hope you can get the help you need.

I have just seen that too.
Doesn’t alter that the man here needs to go.
Does alter the ‘I just have wine with dinner’ narrative.
I hope OP gets him out and then can spend some time on herself and sort this out.

Oh i thought you meant out replies

when I replied the first two times I went by what op wrote about drinking and I think she had an issue

after wards seems some have stalked op and her previous posts and seems she tried an online aa session

so yes she does drink too much , she knows it and this was last year before she met this ‘prince’ so I’m guessing her drinking has got more /worse since being with his man

from hiding to lying her behaviour

now as someone with an ex dh who is an alcoholic I do get where the partner is coming from with op drinking

but

def doesn’t excuse his behaviour and abuse and she needs to end this relationship now

*our

Personally I’d just give him a date to leave by and if he doesn’t then tell him you’ll be changing the locks on said date (and actually do it), and putting his stuff outside for him. You’re clearly done with this relationship so it is no longer your “responsibility” to house him or care if he has nowhere to go. Except know that he has been using you for free accommodation and will have saved a lot of money - mortgage, bills, food etc. And as he has sold his house he will definitely have plenty of money and can easily afford to go to a hotel or airbnb until he leaves. That is if this is all actually true. And if it is you’ll find that as soon as he has to pay his way somewhere else he’ll mysteriously be able to speed the process up.

eta: clarifying I meant if what he said about the job is true, not your post not being true!

I sincerely hope not only on MN, when we're talking about someone who drinks 3 glasses of wine a day (at least).

Agreed.

Of course he says it’s your fault for biting! Typical abuser not to take responsibility.

Two things can be true at the same time OP. He is out of line calling you names, that's unacceptable. The relationship sounds unhealthy - I would tell him to leave - where he goes is his problem, you shouldn't be sharing your home with someone that you clearly don't want to. However, saying that this has nothing to do with how much you drink is delusional, of course it does. If you are drinking too much, people who care are going to say something. The choice of words is disrespectful and rude, and as I said before, I would get rid of him, but that doesn't mean that you're not drinking too much. Only you know if you are but drinking every day can suggest a problem.

So you think he’s right to call her a retard too presumably. He’s a cocklodger living at OP’s expense and outstaying his welcome, so if he doesn’t like her drinking why did he move in with her and what’s stopping him from leaving ?

@Penguinsandspaniels

some have stalked op and her previous posts

Advance searching posts is not stalking. It's often very enlightening and can help give a more rounded understanding of a poster's posts. As in this case.

Yes. Good luck op.

There’s no rule against referencing an OP's past threads to provide helpful context, but using them to undermine, mock, or attack the OP is reportable and can result in deletion/suspension. Some posters here are sailing close to the wind.

your drinking is an issue and his behaviour is also an issue

As his dad was an alcoholic, he is carrying baggage and guilting you because he does not want to drink, he expects the same of you.

However, what is concerning is the way he is treating you pretty abysmally to be honest.

He is chipping away at your self esteem in an effort to stop you from drinking any wine because of the issues with his dad.

This is not your fault.

I hope you find a way forward with this. I do not drink alcohol myself but have no objections to other people drinking, especially in social gatherings. Only if they are not driving of course

Wrong

What? How is she saying she's alcoholic?

I thought

small glass of wine 125ml
medium is 175ml
large is 250ml,

so 3 large is a bottle

Is that so? What do you think a standard large glass is then? Do you have secret knowledge because I'm with @Penguinsandspaniels on this.

She has spoken a lot on another thread about her experience with AA meeting online.

OP is here to help some with her very difficult situation. It seems mainly that posters are here to beat the shit out of her and make her feel entirely unworthy due to her alcohol consumption. I haven't read through the whole post up until pages 15/16 when I lost the will to live/read/breath.

In the words of Bambi.

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all".

I thought that we were here to help one another.

.

wrong post. Was ree @Zonder