Bf disappeared

[lidofety]

Bf's birthday recently. He asked me not to get him anything. That's fine, I also hate gifts and birthdays.
DC mentioned to him yesterday that they made him a card. He thanked them then said, "I told your mum I didn't want anything." I said I took that to mean gift not card and had already got him one when I spoke about it to him a few days prior.
Fwiw, I didn't ask dc to make card, it was just what they did.

After this conversation he got moody and abruptly said he's tired and going to bed.
I receive a text today saying he's going to be away for a while (not as in on holiday) and won't be responding to my messages and calls won't go through.

I don't know how to feel.

I just sort of said OK but I do feel a bit meh.

Change the locks.

Huh? You are close enough for him to be part of your kids' lives, them to know it's his birthday and make him a card, and then he says he's walking out of your lives and you say ok?! What a mess.

Where's your maternal instinct ? Why aren't you leaping to the defence of your DC when this toe rag rejects their efforts so heartlessly. And then buggers off to who knows where.

Find your anger and stop being so passive and prioritising your love life over your DCs wellbeing. They'll grow up remembering how he made them feel - Unloved and REJECTED!

What a strange man. Block him and don’t look back.

Sorry just to clarify he said he's not going to be communicating temporarily and will be back in due course. Days or weeks.

He didn't tell dc this. This was in a text the next morning.

Is he your child's father, it's not entirely clear?

Oh, so Mr Beneficient is going to be in touch when he feels like it, is he?

After getting 'in a mood' because your kids (and you) gave him a birthday card? This is overreacting with a capital Over. Tell him to make his silence permanent, the dramatic great plonker.

Sorry no. Partner.

Thank you. This was ehsy I was thinking, I'm just expected to be here waiting.

Well that's a relief. I'd let him go and not look back. He doesn't value you.

Do you think he's feeling down about a big milestone birthday, like turning 40, or 50.
It's just another day really but sometimes people feel a bit sad about it.

Thank you.

I think possibly although not a milestone one at all. I feel similar but I would never refuse to communicate with my partner during it, I usually just avoid social media for a while.

Has he done this before. If not the going off, I’m sure there will have been other behaviours. He is not only taking advantage, he is seeing what you will accept, by expecting to just say that, and pop back when it suits.

How immature is he about his wishes for his birthday. And how sweet of your DC to make him a card. I find some men funny about birthdays. But again, that is THEIR problem not yours.

Do you live together? If so is it your place/only you on the tenancy. Anyway either way take it as an opportunity to close the door permanently!!

If he’s sulking or something then leave him to it and give him the el-bow. Years ago I had a 2 week break from a boyfriend but I should’ve dumped him, silly me didn’t.

What strange behaviour.

No decent adult would snub a child's gift of a handmade birthday card.

No decent boyfriend would just go off without a proper explanation and return date.

Honestly, he's a rubbish partner and you and your child are better off without him.

Hopefully you have your own home and you can tell him not to bother getting in touch again.

The trash took itself out then?

Is this real? He sounds unhinged. I’d send him the name of a decent therapist and delete and block

He is damaging you and your children.

Move on for their sake if not your own.

Sorry, what? He's told you he's going AWOL for a while and he'll contact you when he feels like it? Over a birthday card that your lovely DC made him?

This is unhinged behaviour. This is red flag behaviour. I imagine there will be lots of other signs of coercive and controlling behaviour.

No person in a normal, loving, caring relationship would act like this. Let that sink in and be a lens with which to view your relationship. You and your DC deserve better.

I would reply back to say 'thanks but no thanks, don't contact me again'. Block on everything and change the locks. Don't let him back, and raise your bar.

Dont really see it as a valid reason. Its just rude!

What a twat!

I’d just say ‘don’t bother coming back’. Really unacceptable.

Who says ‘no thanks’ when a child gives you a homemade birthday card? Especially if you know/are involved with the child

This sounds very much like an excuse. That he's been wanting to fuck you all off for a while and saw this as a good way to make it your "fault" and not take responsibility for how he's feeling.

Do you have years of good times and clearly loving behaviour that might make a temporary loss of decency worth trying to overcome?

He’s going to prison