Bf disappeared

[lidofety]

Bf's birthday recently. He asked me not to get him anything. That's fine, I also hate gifts and birthdays.
DC mentioned to him yesterday that they made him a card. He thanked them then said, "I told your mum I didn't want anything." I said I took that to mean gift not card and had already got him one when I spoke about it to him a few days prior.
Fwiw, I didn't ask dc to make card, it was just what they did.

After this conversation he got moody and abruptly said he's tired and going to bed.
I receive a text today saying he's going to be away for a while (not as in on holiday) and won't be responding to my messages and calls won't go through.

I don't know how to feel.

I just sort of said OK but I do feel a bit meh.

How long have you been seeing him? That's a really shoddy way to treat you and your kids.

Someone who cares about you wouldn't do that.

If he turns up again just tell him you need space and you'll be in touch 'in due course' and then don't contact him again.

It's possible, but also possible he's routed all calls (or all from OP) to storage or has temporarily blocked them.

I just took it to be an oblique way of saying he was planning to block her for a few days.

Sorry OP but that would be it for me
rejecting me would be my choice but rejecting a lovely gesture from my kids would mean he wouldn’t ever get the chance to do that again
no man / relationship would be worth that

Meh? I would be livid.

This

I had one like that. He manufactured arguments or huffs every now and again so he could go off and cheat on me with another woman. I could see it coming but I couldn’t prevent it - it was like someone had flipped a switch in his brain that set a chain of events running and he’d block me for 3-4 days before ‘letting’ me talk to him again. What a prick. Get out, OP. He’s not worth your effort or attention.

This was my take, and in surprised more haven’t picked up on this. Although my hunch is he’s living a double life maybe. That would explain why he didn’t want cards or gifts because he’d have to explain it to his wife / girlfriend.

He's an avoidant, OP. Look it up. This is the exact sort of shit they pull. It's a very deep, stable character trait that you cannot change. Avoidants have no business being in relationships.

Don’t think I could be arsed with this man child and his childish strops. That would give me the ick straight away. Couldn’t cope with that shit. I think I’d want someone who’s a bit more manly than a man who goes off and sulks because someone bought / made him a card. Just get rid of him, he serves no purpose other than to ruin lives.

OP, you say you thought he was the one. So have there been no red flags before? If this is the first one, maybe you haven't known him that long?

Anyway, it doesn't actually matter if he's in prison or got someone else or whatever. Don't focus on him, focus on you, your DC, and your own lives. You know everything you need to know about him - that he's a cruel twat with no empathy who's even capable of being nasty to a child. Who the fuck cares what he's up to. He's yesterday's news. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

And DON'T fall for it when he comes back with some sob story, because he WILL.

Could he have another family that you are not aware of?

Hon he is gutless and just broke up with you. Please take the hint :(

Agree with pp. that there is some reason for this - another woman, prison or whatever.
Sorry OP but it's the end of the relationship.

Dump him

How long have you been seeing him? Is this the first birthday with him?

He essentially said he should have given me more warning but he gets like this sometimes. And that "he's sure I can cope without him".

There's your answer. He absolutely will do this to you again, regardless of if you're dating, engaged, married, parenting. As they say on Mumsnet, he's telling you who he is. Listen carefully OP.

My initial instinct was that there is someone else and the notion of receiving gifts makes him feel incredibly guilty. Your children spent time and effort making him a card, this amplified his guilt as they are your children and he's conveniently off for a few days and will be non-contactable.

Perhaps he has said that calls will not go through as he has planned a holiday abroad with OW for his birthday and he is planning on keeping his phone off/blocking you in case you try calling him and there is a foreign dialling tone.

You are much better off without him OP. If he takes this attitude over a couple of birthday cards how will he behave towards your DC when their birthdays come around, they get excited and he says ‘nope, no cards and gifts, WE don’t do birthdays’!
FWIW, I witnessed a tragic event some years ago during my own birthday. When that date comes around I’m naturally reminded of it so celebrating my own birthday is bittersweet and doesn’t feel right but I would never refuse cards and birthday wishes by refusing to communicate with people.

Of course, I may be reading this wrong, but before I even finished reading your post my gut feel was he was planning on leaving all along and he didn’t want gifts so he didn’t feel ‘indebted’ to you or the DC.
Whatever the reason, you shouldn’t be accepting this, find your anger and block him. It’s one thing treating you like this but quite another when children are involved.
How long have you been together?

This.

It seems strange and cruel that an adult would rebuff a childs handmade birthday card..
When he said he is going away for a while,did you ask where and why?
How long has he been your "partner" and has he behaved oddly before?

Block this twat and have nothing more to with him. Put your children first and deal with him. This unacceptable behaviour and find your fury ,change the locks if he has a key, send him a text telling him its over and have nothing more to with him. You're too old for these games surely

Well done for being strong enough to buy put up with that shit. Don't be tempted to go back when he gives you a sob story.