Bf disappeared

[lidofety]

Bf's birthday recently. He asked me not to get him anything. That's fine, I also hate gifts and birthdays.
DC mentioned to him yesterday that they made him a card. He thanked them then said, "I told your mum I didn't want anything." I said I took that to mean gift not card and had already got him one when I spoke about it to him a few days prior.
Fwiw, I didn't ask dc to make card, it was just what they did.

After this conversation he got moody and abruptly said he's tired and going to bed.
I receive a text today saying he's going to be away for a while (not as in on holiday) and won't be responding to my messages and calls won't go through.

I don't know how to feel.

I just sort of said OK but I do feel a bit meh.

Hey. You’re better than this. You are your child are better than him. He’s a fool - let him go. It won’t get better.

If he lived with you he would be sulking and giving you the silent treatment. THIS IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR and you should not put up with it.

Block and delete. Don't have abusive men anywhere in your life, especially when you have children.

Ffs, tell this childish arsehole to do one. You, and particularly your children, deserve better.

No, you're not BU to feel he's treating you badly.

You would BU to let it slide and not act on it, though. It would just confirm to him that you'll accept poor treatment.

He’s shown you he’s only concerned with himself so I’d dump him.

Have you blocked him?

Thank god you don’t live with him. Do yourself a big favour and ditch the sulky little twat for his birthday present.
I have honestly never heard of something so utterly ridiculous. Was it his 3rd birthday? Actually that’s an insult to 3 year olds.

I believe they call this the trash taking itself out. Incredibly immature of him to just go off the radar and not even tell you why. If he’s having issues he should communicate with you then take the time he needs if necessary. To leave you confused like this is unacceptable. No way would I be hanging around waiting for him to grace me with his presence when he feels like it.

I would maybe send a short message of that effect then don’t respond. He is either up to something dodgy or he’s playing silly games, hoping you’ll fawn after him until he agrees to come back. Fuck that. You and your dc deserve better.

f

Tell him not to bother and to consider himself dumped.

He is seriously unpleasant, for all the many reasons other pp's have already pointed out. Take this golden opportunity to get rid of him for good.

I've read posts on here by people who say they're severely upset by their own birthdays, usually due to an unresolved childhood issue. I think it's weird and antisocial but, y'know, people have their own demons.

What is unacceptable is doing the sulky disappearing act without notice. Bad enough if it were only you as his partner but, with kids involved, it's extremely inconsiderate. As an adult, he should be able to manage his own issues, at least to the extent of thanking the DC for thinking of him but warning you all he spends his birthdays quietly alone.

That he's incapable of even this small measure of self-management, for an entirely predictable event, is a very big warning, OP. I agree it's better to tell him to stay gone.

This with knobs on. What a tool.

Nah he sounds more like a sulky 14 year old .
He needs binning permanently

Sounds to me like he was looking for a reason to leave. Change the locks and ltb

Adults should be more mature than how he’s acting. His behaviour towards your children would be a hard no from me. Sounds like he’s either spending his birthday with someone else or he’s trying to phase himself out of the relationship. Either way he’s not worth your time

And of course you won’t be waiting. You’ll be prioritising your lovely children and will move on and find someone who actually cares about all of you. Don’t give this person another second of your time.

It won’t get better. He will shut down communication, ghost you and leave you feeling miserable and anxious whenever he chooses.
This will become a pattern.

However, I get upset around my birthday. It just makes me feel funny. Feel rubbish. So I can also appreciate needing to have some time alone when feeling like that - but he didn’t communicate his needs in a very nice way. You deserve more respect.

Oh hell 😧 Is there anything more unattractive than a sulky man ?! Tell him to fuck off .

It's a very strange reaction to a child making a b'day card. Is it possible this isn't about the card or a b'day?
Anyway, does it matter? He's gone away without telling you where he is, when he will be back or anything. You've been abandoned. Do you really want a boyfriend like this? Even if he was having some issues, behaving like this isn't acceptable - the correct way to sort out problems is to work together as a team, not flounce off.

Perhaps you and your child deserve better.

I think this is his way of ending things with you. Could be potentially have met someone else.

do you fee meh & not bothered he has gone cos you shouldn’t have to put up with being treated so poorly (on the off chance he does come back).

Thanks for all the replies.

He essentially said he should have given me more warning but he gets like this sometimes. And that "he's sure I can cope without him."

One of the repliessde me realise something. If this were years down the line and we had our own kids together would he do this then? Silent treatment in my own house? Or would he move out temporarily?

Don't get me wrong I have depression myself and have been really down at points in my life but I've never treated any partner this way and I'm talking feeling suicidal. Not that he's said he's depressed but just to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He doesn't have my keys or anything like that so all good on that front.

I just replied saying forget it. This isn't OK. He hasn't read it and I've just muted him everywhere and left it like that.

Muting is good. Blocking & deleting him is better. I say this because you may be tempted to see if he has read your reply or even if he’s replied. He is playing head games like a manipulative 12 year old. It only ever gets worse if you play his game. I am speaking from experience as I lived with a ‘flouncer’, a sulky, silent treatment user, for 6 years. What a waste of carbon, he was.

It may feel horrible right now but this time next month he will be a distant memory. Don’t let him waste another nanosecond of your life. He is messing with your DCs emotions as well as yours and I, am rooting for you to dismiss the very thought of him from your life.

Thank you so much for being so kind.

I'm just feeling numb at the moment. I'm sure I'll start feeling it soon and go through the motions but I will get through this!

I really thought he was the one

Why would he say that calls "won't go through"? That's different than him saying he wont be answering any calls. Like a PP said could he be in prison? Would also explain the moodiness and not wanting to celebrate his birthday.

Or gone on holiday without you and left his phone behind?