Bf disappeared

[lidofety]

Bf's birthday recently. He asked me not to get him anything. That's fine, I also hate gifts and birthdays.
DC mentioned to him yesterday that they made him a card. He thanked them then said, "I told your mum I didn't want anything." I said I took that to mean gift not card and had already got him one when I spoke about it to him a few days prior.
Fwiw, I didn't ask dc to make card, it was just what they did.

After this conversation he got moody and abruptly said he's tired and going to bed.
I receive a text today saying he's going to be away for a while (not as in on holiday) and won't be responding to my messages and calls won't go through.

I don't know how to feel.

I just sort of said OK but I do feel a bit meh.

One of the repliessde me realise something. If this were years down the line and we had our own kids together would he do this then? Silent treatment in my own house? Or would he move out temporarily?
Yes he would do this and no he wouldn’t move out. You would be getting the silent treatment, except as he stomps around.
This is absolutely a punishment for not anticipating his unreasonable demands that he won’t articulate.
Honestly you have dodged a bullet. He is a disaster zone.

could he be away with OW for his bday? And having anything from you and your kids would make him feel guilty?

What are you THINKING to subject yourself and more importantly your children to this oddball?

Get rid for heavens sake.

Emotional maturity of a rock. Don’t think I’d want such an idiot in my dc’s life.

He is a complete and utter weirdo. Don't let him back in. If he asks why, you can tell him he'll get the explanation 'in due course'.

Is he safe? Are you safe with him?

This.

He’s a weapons grade cunt. I can’t stand grown men who go into huffs. Pathetic behaviour. Block him and have nothing more to do with him ever again

You are exactly right, if you are in a relationship he shouldn’t dip in and out as suits him. You need to be able to rely on him too and it’s not fair on your kids.

You know he didn't mean it when he said he didn't want anything? He wanted to be seen as not interested in his birthday and faux don't go to any trouble. Then when you didn't he's having a massive sulk. Him thanking the kids was meaningless when he then said I said I didn't want anything to your mum. Horrible man. You'd be a fool to let I'm just come back. It should be over.

He may well come back and ‘all is fine’ after he receives your . It’s your call if you forgive him but be wary likelihood is he will do it again.

This is not somebody I would allow around my children original poster

Has he done anything like this before? If this is out of character for him, it could be that he’s depressed or suffering with another kind of MH issue. I did something similar when the stress and pressure of trying to hide my depression from my partner became too much. This was years ago before I had kids, and not something I’m proud of. I was living with my partner at the time and became severely depressed. I was afraid to talk to him about it for fear of him leaving me or not understanding, so I masked constantly around him. One day I just couldn’t take the fake smiling and falseness of it all and upped and left to stay at my mum’s for 3 weeks. I couldn’t bare to carry on communicating with him pretending to be normal and I couldn’t face telling him the truth, so I left a note saying I was staying with family for a while and not to contact me, and switched my phone off. It was a shitty way to deal with it and I regret treating him like that, but I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time. He could be going through something similar, but equally he could just be a cowardly arsehole who wants out of the relationship and isn’t man enough to break up with you properly

The man has done you a massive favour. Someone who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to just flounce off, because your children had the audacity to give him a birthday card!! If he meant he didn't want gifts and cards, then he should have made that fact known to you. It's almost like he's punishing you, for not having a crystal ball, and automatically knowing that's what he meant.

No thought whatsoever to the feelings of your children or you by going AWOL and no contact. I suspect he only does this when he feels the need to 'punish' people. No explanation, no reason given. It's manipulative behaviour in my book. He wants you blindsided, bewildered and on edge, probably because it gives him a sense of power over you.

Don't just mute this man....block him completely and deleted his number. Yes, it's hard, but he's showing you, that he's not the person you thought he was. What if you married/lived together and had children? Would he disappear on them or/and not speak to you for days on end??

Be grateful he's shown you who he is now. Be grateful that you can erase him from your life easily, because you have no ties to him.

I’m so sorry that you thought he was the one. This is awful, truly awful, behaviour on his part but as upsetting as it must be, he’s done you a huge favour in showing you how he is going to behaviour and his assumption that you’ll just be quiet and put up with his behaviour.

What he wants and what you want are two totally different things and that is useful information. It means that you can leave and look to a better future

How long have you been together? Don’t let him back into your life after this. He will just keep doing it.

It really doesn't sound as if you've known him very long.

He asked for no birthday present , and you said in here that you're like that, so you obviously didn't know .
He doesn't live with you , stays over sometimes and doesn't have keys.
He said he 'gets like this sometimes' , which implies you didn't know this.

Time to let him go.

Was this your first birthday with him? What’s he doing around your kids. My boyfriend didn’t meet my kids for 18 months. Why did you bring a new guy around your kids? What’s wrong with you!

My truly pathetic ex used to pull stunts like this, and as others have said, this is only the precursor - he will do it time and time again, the jerk.

I really wish I had been on mumsnet when I was younger, people would have explained it to me what a loser my ex was, and I would have got rid a lot sooner and saved myself a lot of grief.

Sounds like he's got another woman and they're going on holiday
Do you live together?
Bin him off, he can't pick you up and put down as he pleases ,youre worth so much more x

He sounds like an awful drama queen. Get rid.

You haven't said how old your child is or how long you've been together, but going forward I would keep boyfriends away from your DC. For a child, making a card can be quite a big thing - suggesting they had a relationship with him, which has now ended abruptly because he's an arse.

This. 100%.

He's escaped from you. For whatever reason you have irritated him.

Or it's guilt. Are you sure he isn't married? I have seen this before with someone who turned out to be married. Wanted no cards or gifts on their birthday because how would they explain it away to their wife? Then they get upset if you so much as acknowledge their birthday.

Sounds odd but agree could he be in prison, or hospital or has he a double life and on holiday with his family?!! Double life makes sense as where will he hide the card ?!!

Please don't allow this man back in your life or even more importantly, back in your children's life.