Bf disappeared

[lidofety]

Bf's birthday recently. He asked me not to get him anything. That's fine, I also hate gifts and birthdays.
DC mentioned to him yesterday that they made him a card. He thanked them then said, "I told your mum I didn't want anything." I said I took that to mean gift not card and had already got him one when I spoke about it to him a few days prior.
Fwiw, I didn't ask dc to make card, it was just what they did.

After this conversation he got moody and abruptly said he's tired and going to bed.
I receive a text today saying he's going to be away for a while (not as in on holiday) and won't be responding to my messages and calls won't go through.

I don't know how to feel.

I just sort of said OK but I do feel a bit meh.

Don’t be. Your child deserves better

He’s sure I can cope without him

Well, he certainly got that right.

I m not excusing it.
I think the OP is trying to understand his bad behaviour, and people posting are giving their thoughts

Unlike others on mumsnet, I respect other people's views and thoughts, and am not in the habit of shouting people down and arguing with them just because my views differ to theirs (something that is increasingly happening to me) - because surely each op wants a variety of opinions, not just yes-men?...

... However, as I posted above, I strongly believe he's got another partner/wife. All the signs point to this. The refusal of presents AND even of cards points to this, and also as a pp said, the fact he's suddenly run off and said he won't be in touch while away...

It's another woman, in my opinion.

He is being so disrespectful OP. I am sorry x

He kniws where you live. So you need to be prepared for him to show up on your doorstep with some fake story.

Thankfully your child didn´t see that, my daughter would have been so hurt.

This thread makes me sad, that there are men still behaving like stroppy teens with single mothers, upsetting the mothers and setting a poor example to the kids.

I am really sorry he is behaving this way. Please do not let him back in your life. There sounds like there's zero actual joy and just you, walking on eggshells around his fragile fucking ego.

He's a pig and you deserve a lot better.

He’s a selfish manipulative dickhead. You need to be rid of him for good- and he will be back in contact when he feels like it with a massive charm offensive- because it’s toxic for your child to see people behaving like this. And your DC will have noticed and is probably blaming themselves for the card. Honestly stay away from this one.

I hope to god you don’t continue to allow this man to treat you and the children like this. What has happened in your life for you to think this is acceptable behaviour from a partner?

"One of the repliessde me realise something. If this were years down the line and we had our own kids together would he do this then? Silent treatment in my own house? Or would he move out temporarily?"

OP, I hope this behaviour - and the many comments on this thread - have convinced you that having any sort of future with this man, let alone having children with him (please - DON'T) is a really bad idea.

I'm with those who think he's got another woman.

Yeah, I think it's obvious that he's a player. He has at LEAST one other woman on the go. What a wanker.

Where's he going, for a jolly somewhere?

Dump him, it's a rotten way to treat someone.

SOunds like it triggers something in him. I also hate birthdays and gifts and attention and aboslutely hate if people try to push celebrations on me. When they keep pushing I am also not my best. But when a child does a hand me a gift bag I smile and say thank you.

Do you have any idea where this come from? Has he been showing any signs of MH issues or immaturity?

Probably already suggested but my immediate take is that he was already checked out and planning on leaving the relationship when he said not to get him anything, so that he wasn't at risk of you getting him a decent present and being made to feel or awkward or look a real shit. Same goes for the children's card - he knows perfectly well what a kind and loving thing that is for them to have done, so to be told they have done it (even though not yet given) loads him the responsibility of knowing for certain that he's a real shit.

It's fine for people not to want a fuss on their birthdays, and to think presents are a waste of time and money. But things that kids make? Any adult should be able to smile and say thanks.

Have you been to his house before? There’s no chance he has another family or girlfriend and doesn’t want them seeing cards or gifts?

Days or weeks. Come on. Bin him

And that’s why you don’t. He’s trying to put you in “your” place. He’s punishing you for not following his exact instructions. This is a huge red flag.

So when he comes crawling back, which he will, that’s when you need to keep him at arms length. He needs to learn back that this behaviour is not going to get him anywhere if he plays these games with you.

This op. Don’t stand by and allow a man unrelated to them treat them like this.
are you ok that your child is treated like this?
Also, your child needs a mother that focuses on them and makes them a priority not someone else’s depression and MH issues.

Hes punishing you with sulking and how dare he talk to a child like that..

Very strange. Can't be doing with random silent treatment.

Do you work OP? I'm guessing you do.

So you've got work to worry about, running a house to worry about, kids to worry about, probably money to worry about AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS, instead of benefiting you in any way, your boyfriend is adding to your stress.

When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers? Came round with a takeaway so you wouldn't have to cook? Changed and laundered the bed sheets so you wouldn't have to do it? Put the rubbish bins out for you because he also contributes to the rubbish? Looked up a family holiday for you all to go on?

Just dump him for good. He'll be shocked and hateful that you don't put up with his shit anymore and that he'll have to spend time and energy looking for some other mug to put up with his shit lol.

I hope that once you've licked your wounds the narrative will become, "I don't take any shit off men. I booted one out of my life for not thanking my children properly when they made him a card on his birthday." I'm inclined to agree with other posters who think he's up to no good.

Your kids were just trying to do something kind.
How ungrateful. He’s not worth your time. Move on and focus on your kids.