Should I tell a wife about her husband's renewed affair?

[Jane143]

I know a woman who had a serious affair about 5?years ago with a married man. He chose his wife and they finished. He is now contacting her again and they’ve had sex once. I feel the wife should know. Is there a way of doing this anonymously or should I keep my nose out of it?

If you were crossing the street and a bus was pummelling down the road would you want to be told?

I’ve heard some ridiculous analogies on this site before, but this is ridiculous. A bus is either coming towards you or it isn’t - there’s no ambiguity or grey areas. Once someone shouts “Look out - bus!” you can see it coming and move, and unless you’re suicidal, you will. No one ever writes an anonymous letter to someone saying they can’t tell you who they are, but to avoid street X on day Y because they are likely to be mown down by a bus and that it’s absolutely 100% true.

The wife here has no idea of who the OP is, any potential motives, how accurate the “proof” is… an anonymous message is meaningless, cruel and unlikely to he believed.

A woman who was a mere acquaintance a few pages back has shared all of this with you? And with enough people that you think you can share the information anonymously?

I said friend/acquaintance actually and yes she has. Our office is small and we all know the details and she also forwarded me screen shots when upset about the whole thing.

Well you felt the need to specify acquaintance. What else are people to think?

Apologies for using the wrong terminology for you. Just scroll on if it’s offensive to you.

@AnnieLummox I work with many women none of whom I count as close friends (I do not socialise with them) but many share personal dating info with me and with others in our team, especially when they’re troubled! I’m surprised this seems unusual to you?

I don’t find it “offensive” - just unlikely.

If they’re close enough to send me the texts they’ve received from the married man they’re shagging, they’re either friends rather than just colleagues, or have real issues with boundaries.

@AnnieLummox and you don’t think that a ‘lack of boundaries’ goes hand in hand with being the type to have an affair?! In fact it’s pretty much the definition of an other woman no?!

But now she’s the OP’s friend, apparently!

Both

PLEASE don't make excuses for the OW she is nothing but a ....... Also you don't want to be friends with such a nasty person.

I find it unlikely that you are contributing to this discussion in good faith.

How is your friend going to feel about this?

Who cares how she feels

What gives you the right to interfere in someone else’s marriage? The wife might know but not want to force the issue. Your information might be outdated or just wrong. Look to your own life and leave others to sort out theirs.

And why is that?

It’s not telling tales, she knows there’s an affair going on.

I've done it. It was a horrible woman I worked with having an affair with a man with a small baby and a little girl. There had been another child in between who'd died. I made a fake Facebook page and messaged her. She replied and we had a messenger conversation where I told her details to confirm what was happening. She went round to the OW's house in the husband's car. The OW came running down the path when she saw the car through the window but she hadn't clocked the very angry driver.

The woman went home and threw the husband out, she thanked me for telling her. The OW actually came into work and told people what happened and said that whoever had interfered had ruined her Christmas!

You first.

Anonymous messages are horrible.

Imagine not knowing who sent it, second guessing ‘who knew’, who is a friend but doesn’t feel they can talk to you, wondering if there is malice involved etc etc.

Either decide it is the right thing to do and be a real friend and tell her , or step away from 3rd hand info and mind your own business.

It sounds as if there are people closer to the info and closer to her than you. How would the friend who has the texts etc feel to know you had passed them on anonymously?

There is a lot of gossip and people spreading different people’s info and business here.

A real friend needs to tell the woman directly, or have nothing to do with gossip.

Thank you for your service Appreciated.

I think you need to look up the meaning of the word “gossip”.

Providing proof to one of the involved parties is not “gossip”.

You’re the one who made the accusation. There’s nothing for me to say first.

Wrong again. You accused OP of lying. I’m just parodying your accusation style but you lack the wit to realise it.