Should I tell a wife about her husband's renewed affair?

[Jane143]

I know a woman who had a serious affair about 5?years ago with a married man. He chose his wife and they finished. He is now contacting her again and they’ve had sex once. I feel the wife should know. Is there a way of doing this anonymously or should I keep my nose out of it?

Something about this seems off.

You don't know the wife and can't help her through such a traumatic discovery if you send anything anonymously. Are you prepared to lose your friendship with the OW, OP? It sounds like you're close if she's trusting you with "proof" of the affair. She'll probably guess it's you doing the revealing. After the wife has been informed it doesn't necessarily follow that Married Man and Other Woman will get together. He may suspect her of sending the anonymous information herself and cut her off forever. If you care about your friend, it's fine to state your disapproval of her choices without inserting yourself into the situation.

Or, are you the OW, OP? Are you hoping he'll come to you if informing the wife forces his hand?

Yeah she jumped the shark with I’ve photos and texts. At most this is someone she barely knows, some gossip she’s heard.

This. I was forever grateful to a person who told me my exh was cheating on me. It allowed me to divorce him without feeling guilty for breaking marriage vows.

I wasted years with a cheating b’stard because people ‘minded their own’ despite knowing. It was soul destroying to go though, and even worse to find out people knew and hadn’t said anything. Please tell her.

Exactly!!

The wife deserves to know, not least to protect her own sexual health as a minimum, as well as being able to decide on her future life with full knowledge of what he is doing.

It is NOT gossip. It’s giving her the info he is denying her.

If you're going to drop a bomb into someone's life, or 3 lives, at least have the guts to put your name to it. Anonymous stuff without evidence would put the wife in an awful position. And presumably if the OW is your friend, you'll be losing that relationship too, are you ok with that?

No I’m not the OW. But you’re right, I feel disloyal to my friend if I tell the wife. I was cheated on years ago and it destroyed me for a while, equally I don’t want to destroy his family.

FB posts mean nothing. They’re only usually what people want you to see anyway. She may well know and be posting happy families to stick two fingers up to OW, or posts stuff normally like this anyway, and just wants life to go on.
People post that their relationship has ended, but posting nasty stuff about it always makes you come across as a bit unhinged, no matter how good it feels to do it.
I wouldn’t rely on it as evidence she didn’t know about it previously.

You are wrong. I’m just trying not to disclose too much detail but I 100% know what’s happened and still happening and was just asking advice what to do as I’m torn. I think after reading the comments I just need to keep quiet, support my friend, as I always have done. But it still feels bad that his wife thinks they’re having a happy life and posting photos on FB, but if I told her that would be in ruins. I guess lots of people live double lives but it just feels wrong

Yes that’s true, FB is a fake view of most peoples lives

And yet woman after woman in here say they are forever grateful that someone let them know as otherwise they would be in a relationship based on deception

the only thing worse than discovering your partner has been cheating on you is knowing that lots of people knew and colluded by keeping you in the dark.

I see rhe opposite, I’ve seen multiple threads, ans I mean many, where someone gor a random anon letter, face book comm etc. and the overwhelming response is it’s a trouble maker, don’t believe it.

It feels wrong because it is wrong. Supporting your friend should involve advising her to get out of this situation and asking her if she wants to help this liar wreck his family. I wouldn’t want to be a part of doing that to anybody. It’s his marriage, his vows, but she’s complicit. No good will come of it. If he cared that much about your friend he’d have left the first time. She’s accepting the dregs of him and his life.

"After reading the comments I feel I should keep quiet and support my friend ".

Most of the comments are saying 'tell his wife'.
Including numerous comments from cheated on wives.

I’ve actually already advised her to do this but she is euphoric at meeting him again. She knows it’s likely to end in tears and yes she is just getting the dregs

I know some dreadful things about one of my close friend’s husband. I’d never tell her. It’s not my business. For all I know, she might be choosing to turn a blind eye.

I know. But it’s also made me think I actually should mind my own business, but encourage her to dump him

Yes please do tell her and also do so where she knows it is real. You don't want to OW as a friend anyways let it blow up her world .

Please don't do it anonymously.

I received 5 anonymous letters over the course of a year, cryptically alluding to my exH cheating on me.
They ruined my mental health, I spiralled down into PND and turned into a different person for a few years. He denied it all.

17 years later, turned out they were all true and now I feel like the biggest dickhead in the world.

If you tell her, don't do it anonymously, please.

I would want to know.

If you are certain that this is happening then tell her.

She deserves to know that he is cheating on her and putting her at risk of STIs.

The people who are telling you to "mind your business" on this thread I assume are people who have cheated on their partners or been the "other woman"...

You sound like a rubbish friend.

I would want to know. Especially as, if he’s sleeping around, there’s a health risk here in terms of STIs.

Why would you support your friend, she knows he married.

How close are you to the OW? It may cost you your friendship with her, but it depends whether you’re bothered about that or not.

All those people saying not to tell the wife as she will find out eventually. How is she supposed to find out? What if she doesn't find out for years? In that time she will have wasted so much of her life and feel so humiliated that others had known.

Also, it is the husband who has blown up her life by having the affair, no-one else is to blame.