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Original poster

Big age gap

157 replies

auserna · 27/04/2026 08:26

Would I be utterly mad to consider a relationship with a man who is 22 years my senior? Obviously we get on well and I like him, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. He's also quite recently widowed.

I've probably answered my own question...

I've been single forever and it would be lovely to be in a relationship, but it's probably just too big an age gap. I don't know what his expectations would be around sex, etc.

OP posts:
Allisnotlost1 · Today 18:09

auserna · Today 17:30

Why are people so determined to take things out of context on this thread?!

That comment related specifically to him asking whether I would like any of his wife's clothes before he took them to a charity shop. He said he pays no attention whatsoever to clothes and didn't remember her wearing any of them, so he wasn't trying to dress me up like her or anything.

I'm contemplating dating him - or was - because we get on very well, and that has become more obvious in the last few weeks. Yes, I had a date, but it was one date and I haven't heard from the chap since. If I had been dating someone that would be different.

Also, I'm not a "former babysitter", I am a friend (of both his and his wife, but I know him better because of an activity we both did) of 30 years who has babysat a few times during that period.

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Honestly @auserna i think you need to step back and evaluate what’s really going on.

From what you’ve said on the thread, this man hasn’t made any overtures towards to (apart from a clumsy comment when you were bemoaning your own loneliness). It seems that ambiguous comment, plus his now widowed state - and therefore increased reliance on your friendship - has spun you into considering a relationship with him. You don’t know if he even wants that, before you start considering the appropriateness of dating a much older and so recently bereaved longstanding friend.

You are lonely, no shame in that, so go out and do things that will alleviate that. Date, meet friends, take up new hobbies. Stop fixating on him.

ETA The poor man is getting battered on here based on no evidence he’s done anything creepy at all!

Elanol · Today 18:48

auserna · Yesterday 20:42

I totally agree about the timing, but the babysitting is a red herring. I've known this guy for thirty years (as a friend, no lines crossed) and the baby sitting was a handful of occasions during maybe six years of that period.

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Do you know at which point in the last 30 years he started thinking he'd like to shag you? I'll bet it wasn't just in the last month.....

outerspacepotato · Today 18:54

auserna · Today 17:30

Why are people so determined to take things out of context on this thread?!

That comment related specifically to him asking whether I would like any of his wife's clothes before he took them to a charity shop. He said he pays no attention whatsoever to clothes and didn't remember her wearing any of them, so he wasn't trying to dress me up like her or anything.

I'm contemplating dating him - or was - because we get on very well, and that has become more obvious in the last few weeks. Yes, I had a date, but it was one date and I haven't heard from the chap since. If I had been dating someone that would be different.

Also, I'm not a "former babysitter", I am a friend (of both his and his wife, but I know him better because of an activity we both did) of 30 years who has babysat a few times during that period.

Show quote history

You think people here are getting it wrong, this is peanuts compared to the reactions you'll get in real life.

Myrunningshoesaresocomfy · Today 18:58

auserna · 27/04/2026 10:14

Jeez. That's certainly something to consider!

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Apparently 1/3 of men over 60 have urinary incontinence. 😲

Lovelyday63 · Today 19:03

Did you accept any of his wife’s clothes? You said he invited you over to see if there was anything you wanted? Did you turn up and have a look?

Sorry I do think that’s weird. I have recently cleared out a family member’s house and even though some of the clothes were lovely I was not interested in wearing them myself.

Original poster
auserna · Today 19:08

Lovelyday63 · Today 19:03

Did you accept any of his wife’s clothes? You said he invited you over to see if there was anything you wanted? Did you turn up and have a look?

Sorry I do think that’s weird. I have recently cleared out a family member’s house and even though some of the clothes were lovely I was not interested in wearing them myself.

Yes, a few.

Well obviously people have different opinions, but her daughter had taken a lot of items, and I would happily wear my own mum's clothes.

OP posts:
Myrunningshoesaresocomfy · Today 19:19

I'm 60 and wouldn't contemplate dating anyone older than me tbh. Men of 60+ are old OP!! 😆

And if he's even considering dating so soon after his wife's death, the utter disrespect is awful.
I could not be attracted to somebody who thought so little of his wife (and his children's feelings).

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