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Original poster

Big age gap

157 replies

auserna · 27/04/2026 08:26

Would I be utterly mad to consider a relationship with a man who is 22 years my senior? Obviously we get on well and I like him, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. He's also quite recently widowed.

I've probably answered my own question...

I've been single forever and it would be lovely to be in a relationship, but it's probably just too big an age gap. I don't know what his expectations would be around sex, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
auserna · 27/04/2026 22:01

Allisnotlost1 · 27/04/2026 21:55

I read it that OP was friends with them both, offering her clothes in that context isn’t so weird. I mean, I wouldn’t accept, but men are funny aren’t they? Not usually as attached to items as women.

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People seem determined to make this weird.

He has absolutely no interest in clothes and doesn't even remember her wearing most of the stuff we went through.

It was simply a question of, "Would you like any of these jackets before I take them to the charity shop?" This was after his daughter had gone through her mum's stuff and taken anything she wanted.

OP posts:
neatlumix · 27/04/2026 22:05

I think its too big a gap to have a really decent life together. Of course there are no guarantee's in life and its possible to love someone across a large age gap but love isn't always enough. A good friend of mine is with a woman 18 year his senior and has been since his early 20's. They are now in their 50's and 70's and its very, very difficult for him, he loves her but is essentially her carer.

Original poster
auserna · 27/04/2026 22:09

neatlumix · 27/04/2026 22:05

I think its too big a gap to have a really decent life together. Of course there are no guarantee's in life and its possible to love someone across a large age gap but love isn't always enough. A good friend of mine is with a woman 18 year his senior and has been since his early 20's. They are now in their 50's and 70's and its very, very difficult for him, he loves her but is essentially her carer.

Yeah, I think it's too big a gap.

Think I'm destined to be single for ever!

OP posts:
Allisnotlost1 · 27/04/2026 22:45

auserna · 27/04/2026 22:01

People seem determined to make this weird.

He has absolutely no interest in clothes and doesn't even remember her wearing most of the stuff we went through.

It was simply a question of, "Would you like any of these jackets before I take them to the charity shop?" This was after his daughter had gone through her mum's stuff and taken anything she wanted.

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Yeah I don’t think that’s strange tbh.

Pinkissmart · 27/04/2026 23:32

I’d be more worried about someone looking for a relationship soon after being widowed. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Manicmondayss · 27/04/2026 23:41

His wife is barely cold, it’s outrageous . He’s looking for someone to change his nappies in a couple of years.

Arsewype · Yesterday 11:46

auserna · 27/04/2026 22:09

Yeah, I think it's too big a gap.

Think I'm destined to be single for ever!

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I thought you were going on a date with someone else - why not see how that pans out instead of pegging all your hopes on this older guy.
There are plenty of other men out there who aren’t looking for a creepy replacement of their very recently dead wife.

OneShyQuail · Yesterday 11:58

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/04/2026 21:55

The really salient point is not the age gap but as was posted later, this man's wife only died 1 month ago

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Ah well surely, anyone with common sense would know that is a big red flag 🤷‍♀️ interesting missed from her original post then?! 🙄

Original poster
auserna · Yesterday 15:46

Arsewype · Yesterday 11:46

I thought you were going on a date with someone else - why not see how that pans out instead of pegging all your hopes on this older guy.
There are plenty of other men out there who aren’t looking for a creepy replacement of their very recently dead wife.

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I will see how it pans out. It seemed to go well, but so far I have not heard from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
auserna · Yesterday 15:48

OneShyQuail · Yesterday 11:58

Ah well surely, anyone with common sense would know that is a big red flag 🤷‍♀️ interesting missed from her original post then?! 🙄

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I said in the original post he was recently widowed.

I never intended to get together with him immediately, or even any time soon, but he won't always be recently widowed. He will however always be 23 years older than me, which is why I focused on that.

OP posts:
TwinAdultsMum · Yesterday 19:14

auserna · 27/04/2026 11:00

Very recent. Far too recent. I was very surprised he said anything about the possibility of us getting together, and I know it's quite likely he is just projecting feelings onto me.

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his daughter will be upset that her mum was replaced so soon and will be suspicious that you’re dating him for his money

Elanol · Yesterday 20:04

Oh OP I was going to say you should give it a go. Now I see his wife only died a month ago and you were his babysitter - no, just no.

Original poster
auserna · Yesterday 20:42

Elanol · Yesterday 20:04

Oh OP I was going to say you should give it a go. Now I see his wife only died a month ago and you were his babysitter - no, just no.

I totally agree about the timing, but the babysitting is a red herring. I've known this guy for thirty years (as a friend, no lines crossed) and the baby sitting was a handful of occasions during maybe six years of that period.

OP posts:
DivorcedButHappyNow · Yesterday 20:58

Sometimes in life you just have to go for it. There seems to be a real aversion to older men on here like I’d imagine there might be in a male dominated setting. People are people. So many examples of older men and younger women being very happy and look at Agatha Christie! And we are all going to get older and may have health issues.

It sounds like you enjoy each others company and there is nothing wrong in that. If his wife had a long illness they are bound to have talked about what he’d do after she’d gone. Even if you are companions/friends and it doesn’t progress, so what.

The world can be very judgemental about who one should go out with and in what circumstances. Having a partner is a wonderful thing and actually if you are both a bit lonely and enjoy each others company - stuff all the haters!

Enjoy his company. Enjoy your life. Enjoy.

Cheese55 · Yesterday 21:04

Yeah , not so many examples of young men/ older women. Have you ever thought about why that is?

FloweryPenPot · Today 01:20

He’ll be 82 when you’re my age, 59. My dad is only 2 years older than that. He was a fit healthy and active man at 73, he isn’t now, it was quite a rapid decline as he neared 80. If you’ve been with an older man for years and built a family and life with him then you wouldn’t mind being his nurse, but not in your circumstances. You say you are sick of being alone, but being with an older man means you’ll likely be alone again at some point and you’ll be older then too.

Fupoffyagrasshole · Today 16:25

you said hes not in great shape - so sounds like you dont even fancy him - so why the hell would you want to go out with or have sex with someone your not atttracted to?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Today 16:37

I had my 88 year old widowed boss coming onto me when I was in my 40s (I was in a relationship then too). He tried to give me and invited me to stay at his house. I politely declined. I think I’d given the impression I was interested as I gave him a card and bottle of red wine for his birthday as I felt sorry for him!

Run. Fast. So many things wrong here.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Today 16:37

Give me her clothes…

outerspacepotato · Today 16:44

People seem determined to make this weird.

His wife died last month. You're contemplating dating him because you're "lonely", even though you have a date coming up. Why would you hold out for the dude in his 70s who's in an extremely vulnerable place?

Of course it's fucking weird.

You know his family will freak if he dates anyone barely a month after their mom died, and it being the former babysitter that he's stayed in contact with?

Boomer55 · Today 17:00

auserna · 27/04/2026 08:26

Would I be utterly mad to consider a relationship with a man who is 22 years my senior? Obviously we get on well and I like him, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. He's also quite recently widowed.

I've probably answered my own question...

I've been single forever and it would be lovely to be in a relationship, but it's probably just too big an age gap. I don't know what his expectations would be around sex, etc.

Well my late husband was 14 years older than me.

We were happy for 25 years, and the sec was fine.

It very much depends on the people involved.

But, spousal bereavement knocks your world sideways, and I’d say it’s too near to him losing his wife.

JenniferBooth · Today 17:08

Boomer55 · Today 17:00

Well my late husband was 14 years older than me.

We were happy for 25 years, and the sec was fine.

It very much depends on the people involved.

But, spousal bereavement knocks your world sideways, and I’d say it’s too near to him losing his wife.

Edited
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Sorry for your loss @Boomer55

Original poster
auserna · Today 17:24

Fupoffyagrasshole · Today 16:25

you said hes not in great shape - so sounds like you dont even fancy him - so why the hell would you want to go out with or have sex with someone your not atttracted to?

I hadn't thought of him in that context before, as he was married. Him not being in great shape is an objective fact and doesn't necessarily mean I can't fancy him.

OP posts:
Original poster
auserna · Today 17:30

outerspacepotato · Today 16:44

People seem determined to make this weird.

His wife died last month. You're contemplating dating him because you're "lonely", even though you have a date coming up. Why would you hold out for the dude in his 70s who's in an extremely vulnerable place?

Of course it's fucking weird.

You know his family will freak if he dates anyone barely a month after their mom died, and it being the former babysitter that he's stayed in contact with?

Why are people so determined to take things out of context on this thread?!

That comment related specifically to him asking whether I would like any of his wife's clothes before he took them to a charity shop. He said he pays no attention whatsoever to clothes and didn't remember her wearing any of them, so he wasn't trying to dress me up like her or anything.

I'm contemplating dating him - or was - because we get on very well, and that has become more obvious in the last few weeks. Yes, I had a date, but it was one date and I haven't heard from the chap since. If I had been dating someone that would be different.

Also, I'm not a "former babysitter", I am a friend (of both his and his wife, but I know him better because of an activity we both did) of 30 years who has babysat a few times during that period.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · Today 17:34

God, he has only been widowed since last month and he's already trying to get into a new relationship?!

That alone would be a complete turn off for me, quite apart from any age gap. What kind of man could be so cold as to leap into another relationship so quickly after losing his wife.

It would be a big fat no from me, OP.