The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

So I have a fourth date with Mr Singer this weekend and I am likely going to stay at his afterwards (I want to). I find him really consistent and thoughtful and our other three dates have all been great. Strangely nervous about this one and keep second guessing that it’s going too well? Am I overthinking?

It's supposed to be my first date with Stockholm tonight, but neither of us have mentioned it. We didn't plan a time or location, so I am secure that I am not standing him up!

The convo limps on, though with no evident interest on either side. He did send me a few cute dog pics last night.....

I'm still loving the chat with quirky, funny Mr Radiators, but I am aware that I am the only one mentioning our supposed date on Saturday.....

So I did a bit more swiping. Got about 5 decent matches - let's see what happens....

Hurray! That sounds brilliant.

And occasionally things do just go well.....fingers crossed. Will this be your first time staying over with him?

Yes! I’m looking forward to it.

He remembered I’d behaving a rubbish day at work today and sent me a really thoughtful message this morning.

Just hope things continue as they are 😬

Yes, there hasn't been anything obvious that he’s looking for a situationship but we haven’t talked about exclusivity either. Lol, know what you mean, certainly not looking to strap anyone down. I’m quite independent but of course it would be nice to have a bit more consistency…

Just country pub 😁 just thinking it makes me feel looked after.

These both need in the bin x

Yes 😁

Hope these 5 are more promising! Are you going to give Mr Radiators a nudge?

Does Mr Radiators actually remember you planned a date for Saturday? It could be that he's just forgotten. If he's continuing to chat he's obviously still interested...

Just catching up on everyone’s news.

Good luck for the date @Nosdacariad. He sounds nice so far. 🤞🏻

@Betsy95 there are so many false starts and messing around on OLD that I’m not surprised that when someone is consistently nice it takes a bit of getting your head around it. But enjoy the date and try not to overthink it.

@Ilovelurchers good about the new matches, perhaps you can let things slide a bit with the others if they’re not putting the effort in.

I’d been discussing a meet up this weekend with the younger guy but the conversation has taken a turn from him seeming nice and normal to being a bit ‘woe is me.’ Not attractive! So that probably won’t happen now.

Also chatting to Mr Noodles who I seem to have a lot in common with. He’s very chatty so we’ll see what happens there!

Hi, I hope you are all doing ok and having nice dates, for those who are going on nice dates. It is tough out there!

So I went on a second date today, but it didnt work out. Date 1 was a lunch on Tuesday. We got on well, but there wasnt any flirting or encouragement from her, and i got the dreaded Cheek kiss at the end. Surprisingly, I asked her out again and she agreed.

So today we went on a walk by the sea. Again we chatted well, no silences. Sat on a bench. Her arms were folded at times. No flirting once again, no contact. Again the dreaded Cheek kiss at the end.

Then a text two hours later to say she only felt a Friends vibe and no butterflies. I was only being myself!

This is so hard!

Thanks I’ll try! I think OLD is just a bit of a minefield.

Mr Noodles sounds promising!

Just to say thank you all for the words of advice and support. Doctors appointment booked 👍
Anyone have any tips for surviving when you are feeling low/sad?
Ive gone through some tough times in my life but there was a reason behind it, im struggling with the crying over nothing part 🤦‍♀️

Sorry to hear that. I’ve suffered with PMDD before, when I had depression more broadly my premenstrual stage would escalate it. Yours may not be the same, but I suggest to look at resources for PMDD to help navigate it

So Mr Slipper sent back this reply after I messaged him tonight ‘Are we still on for Saturday 😊’ his reply: I said Saturday or Sunday so I implied agreement to your wish

Do you mind telling me what helped?

One of my friends said it may be PMDD

I’ve only realised looking back (I’m 60) that I was very emotional pre other symptoms starting. I could be sad and I could also get the rage so fast.

I know it’s awful to live with, but it’s great you recognised it and hopefully the GP will help. I found peri menopause harder than menopause tbh with many more symptoms. I didn’t get anything from the GP, I didn’t recognise it till too late but I did get through it and I did sleep a lot ha.

Hope you get some help and be kind to yourself.

Well done for booking the appointment!

When I feel inexplicably low, I try to remind myself the feelings aren't actually real.

Distraction also works. I did a lot of knitting for a while, and a lot of jigsaws! Don't massive enjoy either, but they were a way of distracting my mind from what it was feeling ...

Hope you manage to get some help. X

Noodles sounds promising - how long have you been chatting? Any mention of a date yet?

It's funny, the names we give them make me create a mental image - I have a clear picture of Mr Noodles in my head! 🤣

So, I chatted more with Mr Electric last night, and we have fixed a date for next Sunday. He seems nice in his messages - responsive, warm and funny - and attractive in his pics. But I somehow don't feel we have loads in common in terms of interests and lifestyle. But maybe that isn't essential? We'll see....

AND, I have just gone all in on Radiators this morning. His last text was a good night text last night, which I replied to. And this morning I have messaged good morning, some fluff about it being a nice day, then asked directly if we are stopping meeting tomorrow and if so when. So now I have double texted and probably look like a needy twat! Oh well, I AM a needy twat....

I'll be scared to look at my phone to see how response now! I'm such an idiot....

Ah dont beat yourself up, what's done is done. Keep us updated with what happens, and thank you for the advice too x

Thanks so much x

Thank you

I think pulling the victim routine is unattractive and while I'm sure you're a lovely, compassionate person, you don't owe him emotional (or any other kind) of support at this embryonic stage.

I'm sure you know that, but it'a a 🚩🚩🚩

It is so hard, on arms folded...I had mine folded last night because I was really cold, though I do find the guy attractive. You were outside so don't let that put you off next time x