The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

When Your Head or Mood Wobbles

Overthinking
Touch something cold. Name 5 things you see.

Sudden sadness / tearfulness
Sit up, look up, breathe slow (in 4, out 6–8).Remind yourself: this will pass.

Panic
Count backwards from 100 in 7s.

Foundations (reduce how often it happens)

Sleep properly.
Eat regularly (include protein).
Hydrate.
Move daily.
Reduce overall load where you can.
Limit alcohol on wobbly days.
Consider HRT if symptoms are frequent.
Consider therapy for support and perspective.

💐

Unless he has EAL that is a dick reply 🔥

@Ilovelurchers you are not a needy twat or any variety of twat. Don't give that another thought 😁

Mr 🛩🛩 date was good. He is bright, optimistic and exactly my physical type. He's very clear and straightforward about what he wants. I've been here before though so we'll see.

I agree with what other posters have said. What worked for me (not menopause related) was: overall therapy to deal with low mood and anxiety, and trying to take control over it by tracking where on my cycle it would appear so I would be able to preempt it. That would mean preplanning to make sure I kept busy with friends (having relaxed fun with loved ones is a great distraction from your brain!) on the worst days - but making sure this was chill without alcohol etc - or being really kind to myself by sleeping well, cooking a healthy meal and having a bath. No alcohol, exercise, sleep and calling a friend always helped. And the poster that said to remember that these thoughts aren’t real was spot on.

It’s all much more manageable for me now that the deeper ongoing depression is gone though. All of it happened after a very sad break-up for me, so you could also consider whether you have any deeper grief or trauma you are dealing with. PMDD can then bring that to the surface enormously. www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/my-periods-became-overwhelming-after-dads-death/

Sorry @OneShyQuail this was supposed to be a reply to you asking what helped!

Thank you my dear 🫶

Thank you so much.

Yes I do have trauma from a really shocking breakup 5 year ago. I will look at therapy too 💪

@Anotherdayanothernight Mr Slipper sounds like a bit of a twit?

@Ilovelurchers I wouldn't worry about the double texting. I think rigid turn taking around messaging is overrated, as long as you're not bombarding someone with a dozen messages while they're clearly not responding.

@ForRedShark Sorry it didn't work out, although I would also say don't necessarily read too much into the "dreaded cheek kiss" in the first few dates. What alternative were you hoping for? Even if I fancied the pants off someone I wouldn't want to snog them the first time I met them.

Agree with all of this.

@Anotherdayanothernight Mr slippers needs name changing to mr slippery 👀 what a strange reply.

@Ilovelurchers I think what youve done is reasonable, just dont send any more x

@ForRedShark I think cheek peck is sound for a few dates. If I wasnt interested in someone I wouldnt cheek peck them. I also wouldnt snog someone or even kiss them on the lips as a peck til I knew them much better

He’s either got terrible social skills or he’s really sarcastic

how are you feeling about that reply?

Planes sounds great!

Radiators has read but not replied. He doesn't text much during the day, but he can text if he wants to and usually does once or twice.

Therefore I am fearing the worst for our date on Saturday. Oh, well.....

@Ilovelurchers- it’s hateful waiting isn’t it - and weird to text what you really want to say (that might be just me though ha - I draft those to myself so I don’t press send!) I know it’s recommended you just make alternative plans already but I never manage that either!
@Nosdacariad- I think this may be promising. I get we are all waiting for the mic drop minute though on OLD.
@ForRedShark- it’s such a chore isn’t it - getting to 2 dates then no go - did you really hope with this girl though? Or just keen to start something less soul destroying than OLD? I’ve found I’ve done that before but it’s hard to realise it. Sometimes I just get worn out with it all and then leave it a good while, when it’s getting to be a chore.

I should have had faith - he has just text suggesting 2pm tomorrow! (We had already fixed a venue).

I am trying not to message back straight away and sound like I am biting his hand off!

It's a long time since I have felt this positive about meeting someone - usually I force myself to go on dates against my better judgement - but need to reign it in - this will be a first meeting after all. Maybe he won't fancy me, or maybe I won't fancy him! I sent a super-recent selfie yesterday, so at least he knows what he is actually getting ....

Sorry, I am rambling more than one first date justifies! 🤣

@Polly1979- think the thread agrees mr victim is a no - mr noodles sounds interesting though.

@Betsy95 - sounding good - I actually do this but my advice is don’t ha - enjoy and update us.

@Anotherdayanothernight- that’s a remarkably odd response - what are you doing with it?

Oh fabulous- this sounds promising - look forward to it and enjoy looking forward to it. If it did happen to not be the best you’ve had a nice time naybe or at worst a funny story! I think you do get ‘feelings’ about dates though so hopefully it will be good.

At the risk of sounding weird 🙈 I draft responses in my head for when they don’t answer or send a flake out - then I’m surprised with a nice one and all that fuss was for nowt - can’t stop myself if I have a liking/hope there though ha!

After yet another awkward text sigh with Mr Tree he’s bounced up this morning with a clear 3 options for the weekend and a keen vibe - he seems to have cleared some of his normal activities for this - I mean I don’t know for sure and didn’t say - but it will be date 6 tomorrow so I’m quite excited by this - whether reasonably or not we will see. I am like many here prone to overthinking dates and dates that go well. It’s a long time since I’ve been at this stage and hoped I’d lost the habit after reflecting on how I could do dating better - obviously not ha!

Ooh this sounds promising! 6 dates is quite substantial and at least he’s consistent in his own way!

Sorry, I somehow missed rhis - it is really weird. Is he trying to be funny? My ex would sometimes use this kind of tone - to sound intelligent I think, in a semi-humorous way (it's hard to explain) ? But it often wouldn't really make any sense!

Have you replied to him? Is it the first time he has been weird in this way?

@MsJinks and @Ilovelurchers well done 😁

Enjoying all your updates! Update from me - after last weekend's 4 dates, there is only one person going forward to the next stage. And they want "casual" only, which is what I want too, having only just recently got back on the horse post divorce, I am definitely not looking for long term right now. But then those pesky "feelings" creep in and mess with my mind. Maybe I just can't do casual, but then what do I do, just wait around until I feel like I want a LTR?! @MsJinks I am similar to you, thinking I had got over overthinking but no sign yet!

I mean I sometimes think I’m funnier than it turns out I am - especially with men tbf ha - so maybe.

My humour wouldn’t be this personally, I’m not sure if this isn’t a bit patronising, but and especially with a new date there’d be either a softener alongside eg/ and I’m looking forward to it, or I’d feel I’d used that type of humour enough already they’d understand.

Is English his first language @Anotherdayanothernight? I can’t see even AI being this awkward.

@MsJinks that's what I wondered...EAL is the only excuse I can think of. It's not really sarcasm, just pompous.

Mr 🛩✈️has organised a second date tomorrow night. Thinking planes pointing down might be inauspicious 😉

One out of 4 is good! Well done!

Casual I think, looking back over my long (terrible) dating career lol, has to be perhaps more clearly defined than a full on relationship. Guess my last situationship was casual - anxiety inducing to start - worked ok only when I got over the bother of him, and would definitely not want anything more than an average night a week-fortnight and couldn’t care less if he text or not. We did have times we supported each other in crap situations but not fully. It dropped down the agenda till I saw him twice in all of 2025 whilst he text to see me 4x - now done lol.

I too catch feelings - I think many of us ladies do unfortunately for some casual. I’d be good with not moving in, not texting daily and a couple of nights a week but I’d need exclusivity and some assurance within myself that we had just a specific low key relationship but it was indeed that and between just us and they liked me quite a bit too. Is that even casual though?

Yes, so I improved my initial OLD approach, and I think my initial dating/texting with someone approach. I’m ok if this falls or continues in most ways - as I like single and I’m busy enough too - but I still overthink about it all and can see myself being attached easily or focussing on the ‘catch’ not the literal prize I’d get if I’m not careful. I just don’t do well in fairly open situationships, and planned to avoid those but think I’ve not done that well whatsoever either (not saying this will be one but it could and I’ve not prepped for that).

Annoying old habits won’t go! Hope your no. 4 progresses in a good way for you.

Yes, thinking about it it is a bit like an answer to an English comprehension test - this is what it means ha!

Oh fab - up, up and away is good too!

@Kaltenzahn thank you, its just in the past, whenever a woman has been interested, I have got a brief kiss/ peck on the lips. Im not expecting a full on public snog, but every time ive had the Cheek Kiss it had been a friendzone thing.