The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

So frustrating....

What are your feelings for him? Would you like to be exclusive?

Personally I am a bit all or nothing, so if I did want exclusivity and a go at a proper relaxing I would probably just say so + I can't stand that feeling of being strung along.....

But following my advice is very risky, as I have said before!

As you aren't exclusive, are you actively dating/chatting to others? If not, you probably should be!

But even if he has then he’ll have had to put in a bit of what he actually thinks then ask AI to draft it - as far as I understand it.

I asked AI to help with a draft of a text to Mr Tree - ended up being much faster and much clearer lol. I then tried to use it for my admin - mails ok - keeping a list together was so frustrating I’ve given up already but some (younger?) folk use it so much it is automatic to run stuff through.

Mr Expressive sounds divine - did you dream him? I do understand the AI thing - I remember when I was teaching a 'langiage of speech" unit, reading that as humans we instinctively don't trust anyone whose speech is too fluent and perfect, because it sounds rehearsed and therefore untrustworthy.....

I have to say, I usually do "what are you looking for" really early doors - it's usually my second or third question. Is that weird, do you think I am freaking them out? (I do have quite a few early bails - I just assumed it was my overwhelming charm, doing it's work!)

I’ve worked out how I feel about him so far. Looks hot, sounds beige.

Hot and beige 😆

@Ilovelurchersyour tactic is probably more efficient. Sometimes it seems right to ask those things early on. Or sometimes it just seems good to establish that we have one or two things in common first. Just with the waffle from Mr Expressive it’s taken a while to get down to brass tacks. I think he’s read an article on emotional intelligence and is totally going overboard on it. Or maybe his personality is just hiding under his abs.

Mmm hot and beige. Like a 90s school dinner 😂

It sounds like he sees it as a very casual arrangement….?

Haha @Chocolatefreak hot and beige 😂

I do like him and before our trips we were seeing each other every weekend but we haven’t had any talks of being exclusive. He’s quite casual with his texting style and I like more consistency, but when we meet it’s really good. Not chatting to anyone else atm, maybe I should but can’t be bothered

Possibly, but he’s been very consistent before the holidays

If you're not chatting to anyone else at the moment, and he's difficult to pin down and casual with his chatting style/making arrangements to see you, it sounds like you're being exclusive and he's not.

Could be that, maybe I stupidly thought as we’ve been meeting every Saturday or Sunday and I know his work schedule is heavy during the week that he was on the same page

It's perfectly reasonable and normal for you to expect that. But he may feel that since there's been no discussion, he's not violating any 'rules'. Sadly a lot of people seem to think this is the way it goes now. But shame on him if it seemed pretty clear that you were exclusive.

I think that’s fair enough you think that - why wouldn’t you. Then they think you should just ‘know’ by osmosis, so it’s not their fault - you knew this! They’ll say didn’t lie - though they won’t seem to admit they should have told the whole truth - ugh.

I’m bad at these conversations- in fact last time I dated and ended up in a situationship I suppose I went off the fact he’d said ‘looking for a relationship’ on his profile - and I had no reason to assume differently at first. So then the ‘conversation’ ended up being a row that he glossed/obfiscuted/deflected and we stumbled on in a different space that wasn’t so bad but not what I’d thought - and at first rather anxiety inducing.

Men (some) occasionally seem to think women just want to trap their amazing, glorious self and they feel obliged to protect themselves from that.

Would anyone mind if I derail the thread slightly with some non-dating advice? You are all such lovely ladies and I could do with some womens input....I dont really have lots of friends to ask x

It sounds like you’re doing hugely well and congrats on the house. It really could be that you yourself just aren’t ready for deep commitment yourself yet. If the Nomad / Charismatic situations aren’t making you feel anxious/ unsettled etc (sounds like not based on what ive read) then I don’t think it’s the end of the world, as you remain empowered over the situation. Maybe just try understand from yourself if you are really looking for a deep FT-relationship at the moment, and if so, that would direct the way forward x

@OneShyQuail bring it on 😁

Mr 🛩✈️has messaged to say he'd like to pay for dinner tonight.

Derail away

Thanks both.

So basically for the past 6 months or so ive noticed a real change in my mood, around 5 days before my period. I used to feel a little off and more emotional during that phase, but recently its like a real sudden dip, im so tearful over nothing, literally today I could cry and cry and I have nothing to be sad about, I just feel so sad! I am also more irritable with my children and getting cross over small things. Its a really quick change so for example on monday I was fine, woke up tuesday feeling very low, insecure, self critical, anxious, yesterday super snappy and irritable today crying over nothing. Nothing I do, or anyone else does helps! What ive also noticed is that literally 2 days after my period starts i feel so much better.

My periods are the same, no changes. Im regular, not on any contraception. No new medication, no new health concerns.

Is it an age thing? Im 41. I dont have any menopause/perimenopause symptoms consistently throught the months such as brain fog or night sweats etc its literally just the really awful change in mood for around 5-7 days.

Just womdering if anyone else experienced this and any tips? Feeling really lost about it at the moment snd totally out of control

Ooh - sounding good - have fun!

@OneShyQuailit does sound like the beginning of perimenopause - it can sometimes start with anxiety and mood swings - is it possible for you to see your GP?

I have no useful suggestions, except see GP and don't be fobbed off, it must be very hard 💐xxx

At about your age, I began to get the most horrific mood swings. I would literally wake up some days and think, endure another year of this pointless life?. I can't stomach another hour of it!

It was horrendous, and very extreme.

It was the start of permomenopause, I believe.

It's improved over time, now I am 47 and into full menopause. Though there are still bad days....

The only thing that helps, really, is to remind myself that it's just the chemicals in my brain, it actually isn't how I really feel, if that makes sense?

It doesn't help a lot, but it does help a bit.....

Yes sounds like perimenopause, mine started at 42 and was similar. Might be worth getting a check with your GP or t trying some supplements xx

I love him already.....

What sort of restaurant are you going to?