The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I think some of one date at a time is just planning next together event and not booking in lots - like practical?

Do either of you ever say - ‘oh we should/could do that’ of a thing slightly in the future? I see Mr Tree one date at a time still but he has said stuff like - oh we ought to go that other pub next time - which may not even be relevant to the next probable date but a good couple of weeks hence. Stuff like that - though I have no idea where we are going overall - which is fine at just 4 weeks too - I guess haha.

Would we wish to know we are gonna be great but break up in 6 months, or live together forever, or dump tomorrow? I’m not sure I would but it can be hard to remain in the present with dating for sure.

No there’s been no comments about “let’s do that some time” etc I suppose that’s what’s missing really. We usually just message then seeing eachother comes up but only as in the next date.

Then we were talking about smoking / vaping (neither of us do) and he said “I would date someone who vapes but not smoking” and I know it’s a throwaway comment and meaningless but just makes me wonder if we are going to carry on causally indefinitely?

That's hilarious that you had to enlarge it to tell what it was & almost hope you told him that, too! 🤣

Mr Noodles is now blocked and deleted as too many inconsistencies with some of the things he said.

When I started chatting to Mr Cyclist he suggested moving to WhatsApp but I said I prefer to wait until I’ve chatted a bit more and we are arranging a date. He accepted this with no issue and we’ve carried on chatting on the app so hopefully that’s a good sign!

A great sign that he respected your boundaries! Off to a good start 🙂

Well done - putting the trash out is always a good move.

Mr Cyclist respecting your boundaries is an excellent sign too. If they don’t though that trash normally takes itself out ha.

I ignored Mr Tree first offer of a number - pretended I hadn’t noticed it in a message as it happens- he kept messaging till there was a date. Mr Not for Me didn’t even ask till day of the date. Some take themselves out, as above, of I don’t play WhatsApp but the ok ones are fine with it.

I said before though that I’d probably explain why in future - just had very much a my way or no way approach to the OLD bit this time around.

I just put something like lol not sure why you think I would want to see that lmao - he then sent a proper 🤢 updated version so I found how to block on WhatsApp ha - I’d only set WhatsApp up at point of OLD next round. He probably thought either I actually liked it - or at least I was seeing it - I was aiming for a bit of humiliation but I did fail, and I’m not now sure it’s even possible to embarrass/ humiliate at this point actually- or they like that!

I would just block now straightaway - but boundaries of phone exchange seem to have mostly solved it tbh.

Edited for clarity

"Like a dick only smaller"

And I've never had a dic pic thank goodness.
Are they erect?!

An updated version 😂😂 Can just imagine him trying to get the right angle etc 🙄🫤 Yes the block button would’ve been getting slammed haha

Haha - so it was apparently- not easy to tell - the 2nd one was, how to put it, just used 🙈🤢🤮 - I don’t get offended or upset easy so I sort of grimaced but also just thought ‘tosser’ haha.

I’ve not had one since - I’m not sure why they send them - they must know they’re not so attractive - guess it just helps them get to the after pictures faster!

I knew a younger guy said he got ‘tit pics’ - I was surprised- he wasn’t lying and bless him was quite shocked too. Not sure why women do it? Can’t think it’s the same reason as guys but maybe that’s my naivity.

I have had a few - not that many to be fair. All erect, all pretty indistinguishable from each other.

I genuinely wonder whether any women actively enjoy them? I have a couple of friends who are looking for no strings fun, who say they don't mind getting them - but even they don't seem actively keen.

But I suspect it's more of a flasher thrill that the guys get, and so the more offended we are, probably the more that floats their boat - I can't imagine that they are actually hoping that women will go, oh wow, I need me a piece of that.....

Surely???

Thankfully I don’t get dick pics anymore but I don’t move to WA quickly either so that prevents it. I used to get them a lot more when I was single in my 30’s. None are pleasant, all are sent unexpectedly when you’re least prepared for it!
Someone I used to work with kept the ones she was sent in a collection. She had hundreds. That was eye opening! None would encourage you to meet the man, and we concluded it’s an ego boost as they’re wanting affirmation. None of them could make a career out of their junk. Much zooming was required.

I think that phrase is perfect "much zooming was required"

I had a guy send me a short video of himself in the bath flopping his flacid willy from side to side in the water. I was quite unimpressed tbh. I don’t care for dick pics at all and it’s an immediate block, although have only had a few.

Did you tell him that’s hardly a way to sell himself?🤢

I kind of get it if they are just looking for fun or FWB but surely not anyone who wants something more… who would want to seriously date dick pic guy 😂

The mind boggles. Even with an established lover that you were really in to, that would hardly be a tempting sight (for me, anyway, and I am guessing for many....)

So the idea that he thought sending it to a potential date was a valid wooing strategy.....

Hi all,

I wonder if I can just have a little whinge with people who understand. I have been dating on and off for 3 years now, and the reality is that I am just struggling to find people who I have that connection with. I went on yet another date last night where there was no spark - I was willing to see if another date would reveal the sparkle, but he was not, which is fair enough.

What makes it hard is that I regularly meet men with whom I do feel that "spark" - and they are all married. I don't mean that I am flirting with them or would pursue anything, I wouldn't. It's just that there is a natural chemistry and connection, and if we were both single, we would pursue it.

I feel like my options are just more limited in my 40s and I worry that I have somehow missed the boat.

Can anyone relate?

I’ve just asked someone to WhatsApp after a first date and they’ve gone quiet was it too soon?

Why???? Would he???? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Duckingclueless ducked off. After a great chat with MrTotallyDude the other night nada. Managed to bin Mr Balkans off. There was something v. Dodgy there. Am now wondering what travel mode in remote Scandinavia will do for me next month…

I personally can’t see the difference. You can message and block them. It’s not like a ring.

Yep, I can relate completely! Had another first date last night that was a dead end. I do feel a bit of a loser telling my friends that yet another date has led to nothing. I find it really hard to feel a spark with a total stranger and feel like I need a few dates to warm up to them but it rarely gets that far.

No advice but just wanted to assure you you’re not alone!

Just hideous!

Maybe they just didn’t feel a spark? I don’t think it’s unusual to switch to WhatsApp after a date, in fact most people probably move there prior to a first date.