The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I get a lot of this too - I suspect the apps are just increasingly full of guys looking to get their rocks off with a bit of sexting, rather than actually looking to date.

It's depressing though, especially as there are in fact designated sites for that!

despairing. Mr Balkans sends the odd message but nothing commital on the date front. Get the impression that I’m in a queue on a back burner. I don’t want to be the one that suggests it. I’ve made it clear that I’m leaving it up to him. Mr Situationship messaged and disappeared with his problems. (I have it bad for him and have been swimming past red flags ) Chats on app have diminished to talking about the fucking weather, feel
like I’m pulling teeth there. 🫩

Don't think it's possible to know you are with the right person after a few weeks, is it?

You can know that the relationship has potential, but realistically that's all.... (And that, in itself, is a lovely thing - certainly not trying to piss on anyone's chips!).

I am still messaging Mr Cats and a date has been mentioned - it's a little way in the future due to clashing schedules, not this weekend but next.

He seems sweet and nice, but I am not sure I am overwhelmed by desire ..... But we will see!

Mr Perfect, who I mentioned before, has finally messaged - but then stopped again. Obviously too busy being perfect to build a real connection, alas.....

Mr NHS is still messaging and it's all nice (we rescheduled our date from tonight to Thursday, as I don't feel brilliant) , but he has made it clear from the start he has other relationships and isn't looking for anything exclusive. Sadly that's not what I am looking for - I almost wish it was!

Think I am going to keep swiping - still looking for that elusive box ticking match!

Remind me, have you dated Situationship yet?

Completely know what you mean about the pointless weather chats. I seem to find myself participating in a lot of that.

And how people's day was/is going. Unless they are interested in dating me, is it awful to admit that I don't care how therir day is? Or how they are finding the lovely sunshine.

Mr Situationship was a one night stand mini fling IRL. He’s kind of stepped back. Had shocking limerence with him. He was the first post long marriage. :(

I floated the idea in date 3 just saying that’s it’s all so complicated these days, and I won’t judge if he’s dating multiple women but I’d prefer to know so I can manage my own expectations. He’d paused his profile after date 1!

So I used to listen at the Samaritans - I took more calls from mostly guys wanting to get their rocks off than from those needing the traditional listening service!

So I don’t find it surprising this is a sexters’ paradise - absolutely any where, any place, any time for some!

Still it is annoying and depressing I know.

That’s a really good way of putting it - thanks for sharing that.

Does Mr Perfect say where he’s been when he messages? I can leave it a good day or 2 depending, but as I’ve said I wasn’t really looking hard. If it was more than 3 days I’d have not been surprised if they’d gone - I did make the effort with maybe 3 in the end, as we were starting to connect I thought, to answer maybe 5/7 days a week though.

Can’t help but like sound of Mr Cats lol - hoping a date happens.

Mr NHS is a gamble with your own feelings imo but I think it can be ok and a cheer up thing too - just don’t mistakenly get attached.

You are the prize don’t forget!

It can be so exciting after a long relationship to see there’s other possibilities that are so good compared to that recent end. It’s rubbish when you really fall hard though and nothing happens.

I do think it will be good that you had this in between thing though tbh - it maybe helps reset for the next and best relationship - when you’re ready.

I hate the pulling teeth conversations. Just painful. I’ve one iron, Mr Footy who’s a bit like that. Keeping things at a very superficial level and when I ask questions to dig a bit deeper gives brief responses followed by ‘how’s your day?’ Doesn’t seem interested in finding out more about me though mentioned about meeting for drinks some time.

Then there’s Mr Cyclist who seems like a genuinely nice guy. Better chats with him but I wouldn’t say we have loads in common and he lives quite far.

Finally, Mr Noodles, the one I’m meeting later this week. It’s totally different with him - loads to talk about and we seem to have a real rapport. Trying not to build my hopes up too much though as I’ve been here before with getting on with someone brilliantly but when we actually met there was nothing there at all.

Its nice to be excited about going on a date though - the last one I was dreading but left it too late to cancel (turned out fine in the end but no spark).

If you are looking for a committed relationship the other person will be absolutely on the same trajectory - yes, 3 dates in. Exclusivity is something they just hold as a standard value. If not, they are part of the casual crew. Nothing wrong there but get that clear. You’ll know.

I do agree - but I’m one of those ‘don’t know what’ that people, reasonably, find annoying in matches - but I genuinely don’t know what I’m looking for at this stage in my life - so just a few dates would be ok, friends, but also a basic relationship- I see how it goes. But I do run only one at a time, as my brain!, and require exclusivity after a couple of dates - that’s probably unfair.

Last time Mr Situationship had on his profile, and in person, he was looking for a relationship- as did I alongside dating, and talked a good talk - till in it and he didn’t - though that was all for the best really when I knew him better haha!

But now I’m on a trajectory I didn’t expect and just assuming Mr Tree is too - I guess we are both of an age where you dated one at a time in younger years, or if you didn’t that was poor - so I’m going try to be up front now and in future - some good tips on here how to do this.

@Polly1979and @duckingclueless - pulling teeth conversation is the absolute worse - I do, unlike some, accept a very basic hello to open - but I make a bit of a short joke/comment on reply so opening up to chat - then there’s just another ‘hey, it’s raining’ - I just can’t lol.

Had good chats with both Mr Not for Me and Mr Tree plus an I can’t recall his name guy lol. Once into messages I tend to put a lot though not if they’re not, but it can be an odd first connection that may or may not work in person then.

Had no real hopes of either of these 2 dates particularly except a night out lol - but conversation with both sort of continued from messages so that’s a help - I mean if it had still been ‘it’s raining’ then it’d maybe have been more difficult. As you’re all more than well aware by now the chemistry factor happened with one and not the other ha - but at least with the ‘other’ we could talk to each other so that’s ok.

@Polly1979- hope it goes well - you just can’t tell can you - but I did enjoy both first dates for the getting ready, going out, as well as the ‘event’ itself - but fingers crossed for you.

@coolpattern thank you

@duckingclueless just block those who are energy vampires. You know the ones!

Sexting at the Samaritans😱how the hell do these guys have time to go to work!

How did you get the chat going? I try to finish with open questions but the chat drifts into nonsense questions if they actually manage that much. Most just answer. Then what have you got on today. Are they just dull??

Joining after long time lurking and having a good six months off the 'apps'. Had a lot of personal growth to do and was really focusing on finding a job (newly qualified nurse). Feeling very fit and healthy, mind and body, and positive about myself now so felt ready for the inevitable shit show that can be OLD. Any hint though of it breaking my spirit I will take a break again, even a short one to reset sort of thing and get perspective.

I'm 39 and a single parent to 4 children, though first daughter is 16 so pretty independent. The other three are only 8, and twin girls who are 5 and a half. They go to their dads Friday till Sunday so the weekend is my 'dating window'.

Rejoined Hinge 2 days ago and done some swiping. Used up all my 'likes' for past two days now so guess that is 10 I have shown interest in.

Welcome!

You sound in a really good place to be dating, and also very aware of your limits and boundaries….you’re in a strong position!

And well done on recently qualifying….nurse of almost 20 years here! I remember trying to date back in the day when I worked shifts on the wards, plus being a single mum. It could be tough trying to find matching schedules however the right person will be patient and understanding!

Best of luck to you lovely 🤍

Congratulations on qualifying as a nurse, that is a real achievement whilst juggling family life. I prefer Hinge to the other apps, slower traffic but better more intentional matches. Resets essential always, though. Good luck out there and keep us posted.

I've been unwell, horrible virus. Prior to that Mr Soughdough really upped his game post the deleting Hinge chat and initiated back-back dates for many days in a row. I do wonder if he was waiting to know how I felt, and the Hinge chat sort of set that in stone. Anyway, he's been amazing during my illness - constant checking in every day and I feel that although it's only three months-ish, we might be something rather than nothing.

Haha - it was callers ringing in - pre major mobile use so you got their dulcet tones describing ‘stuff’ 🤮 I mean they needed help sure but not from me ha!

Oh lovely update - not you being ill of course and hope you’re feeling better now, even if just a bit.

I think sometimes it’s unclear where the other person is at - I know where I’m at and think it’s clear enough, but then not sure where they’re at when they think it’s clear enough!

Whilst a real blow at the time to see him still having the app it’s definitely moved things on well I think - silver linings.

Keep us updated - oh and invited to the wedding!

Well done on the nursing - awesome achievement with kids.
You sound very sorted with it all - clarity around dating sites is a boon - I only achieved that when no longer so bothered lol.
Best of luck and look forward to hearing about these 10 and the future swipes!

Thank you for your kind words and the generous welcome @empirebiscuits12 @MsJinks and @rubberduck68 .

There is a fair amount of new people on Hinge since I last came on early summer last year, which is somewhat reassuring. But also seen the same old faces that were on even 4 years ago when I had been on. At least I know so much more on who and what to avoid now