The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I had some (lovely) but time-consuming visitors, so I've only just caught up on the thread.

@ForRedShark sorry you feel a bit despondent at the moment. As long as your profile is an honest representation of yourself, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. It may turn out that there's no spark when you meet, but that is a perfectly typical date! Getting a few dates under your belt will perhaps bolster your confidence. I've had over 40+ dates by now, and out of that, only a couple of short relationships and a couple of men I dated a few times. So statistically it's a low bar with OLD! Courage!
@Ilovelurchers disappointing with Mr Radiators, but I guess it's a good thing you found out now, before you got too invested?
@OneShyQuail happy to hear you've had some positive input from your GP. My only reservation would be to add, regarding hormone levels, doctors tend not to act/prescribe HRT if you are within clinically normal levels, however you may be trending towards an imbalance which is having an effect on your mood. And TBH I find it a bit annoying that doctors will automatically prescribe anti-depressants when it's a hormone imbalance and not necessarily depression. Not sure if this is reassuring to you, but keep an open mind and find a second opinion if you're not happy with the response you got. HRT isn't always the answer, of course!

As for me, due to visitors last week didn't have any time to organise a date with either Mr Expressive or Mr Producer. Mr Expressive has continued to send banal, performative messages - he really is Hot and Beige. Getting a bit bored of this now. Mr Producer has been chatty and sounds increasingly normal and nice, he has also gently proposed a meet-up now. Although older, he has younger kids and we live geographically not far but awkwardly from each other, so it remains to be seen how logistically possible that will be...

Have a good week, all, both on and offline!

Thank you for the advice - will take that on board....why is it so hit and miss with womens issues?! Doc said as periods reg, no changes, and issues only happening around 5 days before up to 2 days after starting its PNDD 🤦‍♀️

How do you know if u are in peri menopause or need HRT if all yoir hormones levels are good?!

I don't blame you lovely - how are you feeling about it today?

I absolutely hear what you are saying about the relentless nature of the disappointments (it feels). It's not necessarily about having a thick skin - it's not like we are sobbing at every dick pic and random ghosting. )And to be fair, even if we were that's kinda valid!)

But occasionally you feel you have really struck a connection, with someone who seems funny and attractive and to be basically looking for the same things you are...... It's just absolutely human nature to be gutted when it turns out yet again that they are a liar!

In fact, if you DIDN'T feel any emotions about it, that would be strange.....

But, you have carried yourself with dignity and restraint throughout, and you showed enough investment in yourself to do the background checks. (I am a big fan of the "Are we Dating the same guy..." groups. Found my best friend's iron and, even tho she opted to pursue the relationship - it was nothing awful, just that he had been a bit of a player a little while back - it has definitely helped her see him on perspective and proceed with caution!

So I think, once the inevitable disappointment settles, you can be bloody proud of yourself for how you have handled yet another bloody pothole on the grim and twisty road to eventual happiness that is OLD!

I don't even know you and I am proud of you. X

So, to get HRT I had to do a bit of investigation and find out which of the GPs at my practice was the 'expert" on HRT. (Apparently level of experience and knowledge varies wildly). I made an appointment with her - several weeks in advance because she is SO popular (great GP genuinely).

And I met with a friend who I knew was already on HRT and happy to chat menopause stuff beforehand, she helped me list all my symptoms to take to the appointment, including some I might not have spotted as symptoms myself?

Took this to the GP, and she didn't even run a hormone check - she felt confident based on what I was experiencing that HRT was what I needed.

It REALLY helped me through the first year or so of peri - especially the physical pain symptoms! I used to get terrible aches in my joints that have mow disappeared.

(Not taking it currently, for reasons I won't go into - but feel much better now, it definitely helped for a while).

Oh, and if you have the money and your GP surgery isn't coming up with the goods, there are private practices that specifically deal with menopause stuff and you can do it all over the phone! Have friends that have done so. It isn't cheap, tho.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

As for my boring life: very little to report.

Polyamorous Mr NHS still being the perfect iron in all ways other than the small detail of his polyness. Going to let him take me out either tomorrow or Thursday - I deserve it! Won't kiss or shag or fall in love with him - just going to enjoy a few drinks with a handomse intelligent and funny guy. I have nothing else on.

Also matched yesterday with a lovely seeming one I will call Mr Cats. If the chat carries on well tonight I will float the idea of meeting at some point tomorrow - I'm very opposed to any pen-friend situations.

Happy ironing, everyone!

@Ilovelurchers 🥹 your message was just gorgeous, thank you!

I was feeling a little rubbish about it last night, I’m not going to lie! Just disheartened with everything over the past couple of months of OLD. And I guess just the realisation of how much more difficult it is this time around compared to the other times I’ve tried it over the years. This may sound very shallow but I’m just not physically attracted to the majority of men my age, and I’ve been like this for years. Partners have always been a bit younger etc. But I haven’t had the same kind of interest this time around from my target age range 😂

The thing with the FB page, I did actually search Mr Finance when we started chatting and didn’t see anything. It was a chance post I happened to see yesterday from the woman he’s been seeing for 6 weeks as her spidey-senses were going crazy. And his behaviour most likely changed because he was chatting with me (and likely others). Felt awful for her, she was pretty shocked when I told her. He’d went quiet on me on Thursday evening and told me he was out buying a jacket for a wedding reception Friday night. And turns out she was out shopping with him!!!

Anyway, late last night I matched with a guy on Hinge who I kept skipping past. He’s 2 years younger than me 😂😂😂 I decided to just go for it, and he liked me back. A couple of messages exchanged this evening so we’ll see how it goes! Keep fingers, toes and eyes crossed for me that I at least make it to a date with this one haha!!

What’s this with Mr NHS and his polyness?? What did I miss?? 😂

@Ilovelurchers happy ironing 😅

Date #4 with ✈️🛩 Friday in theory x

So pleased to hear it’s going well!

So sorry to read this. Would it help to reframe it as a numbers game and just enjoy chatting to people until you find a connection? I was getting quite despondent this last time as it was 6 months without anyone of interest x

Ah thank you! Feeling a lot better about things today tbh ☺️

I seem to attract the sexters though….3 messages in and they’re trying to lure me into their smut 😂🤣 Instant block! It’s been quite difficult to make any kind of connection this time around but I’ll keep soldiering on!

Thanks for your kind words though lovely 🤍

Ohhh - it’s easy to get depressed with the gutter of OLD.

I’m 60 and completely onboard with you re no appeal factor at this age for the vast majority - quite depressing tbh lol - though fortunately I was very swipe left happy as not really looking and just reaffirm my good to stay home approach lol. I last got into a first date, Mr Situationship, at 50 and it was bad enough then plus I think the lack of options led me to the situationship for not wanting to go back. I think it was very random I got dates and something clicked (to date though fingers crossed) re Mr Tree.

Trouble is half the guys, for no apparent reason whatsoever, think they deserve much younger beautiful ladies, a good percentage just have it as a mini hobby, plenty are looking for carers - it is a dreadful minefield.

I wouldn’t even think 2 years is younger unless you’re 14 lol so I hope he’s enough your type and if so hope it gets to a date - although only if he’s good enough for you don’t forget!

Ohh this is great to hear.

Wondering when to stop counting dates and reframe into something else here lol. Stayed over Sunday first time so I think we are progressing- but then I realised it’s actually only 3.5 weeks since I had the first date - maybe it’s all the messaging that also moves things.

Anyway, looking forward to updates from you.

Well a good date is hard to find - so enjoy - and remember he’s lucky to date you too.

Mr Cats already sounds amazing - I love cats ha.

Look forward to updates.

Haha I’m 44 so quite a few years since I was 14 😂 and yes 2 years younger isn’t really an age difference at all! I kept seeing him on Hinge and just swiping on past him mainly because I found him conventionally attractive. A little bit buff (but not too much….im not into the guys who only post photos from the gym or Hyrox, dangling off cliffs etc). None of those types of photos….just one on holiday, and it was quite pleasant 😂 And I suppose I thought he wouldn’t really be into me 🤷🏼‍♀️ But I decided that I had nothing to lose so went for it.

And he’s been quite refreshing so far. A few messages in the evening, he’s showing an interest and seems very friendly.

He asked me last night if I’d like to meet up sometime, which I would! He has his son half of the week so he’s not free until Monday evening and I’m away for work Monday to Wednesday next week (I’m RARELY away, typical!) so it’s going to be over a week until a date. But it gives some more time to try suss him out I guess! I’ll call him Mr Deputy.

Sounding good to me - a bit of buff on a date never hurts for sure lol.

Good he moved to the meet quickly - mine were taking a while, such as they were! However, it wouldn’t be my preferred approach had I been more serious in my searches - you can also get into quite a rhythm and feel you know them better than you do - disappointing in the meet. Although I’m not sure Mr Deputy sounds like he could be anyhow ha!

I don’t usually like very quick meets to be honest. I’ve had one date since starting OLD again 2 months ago and this was right at the beginning. We met after 2 days of messages just due to his family circumstances, and I didn’t like it at all! It was pretty awkward and I realised we didn’t have very much in common. I felt as though he was interviewing me for role as future step mum to his kids, with the questions he was asking me!! Nice enough guy but not for me!

When Mr Deputy suggested meeting I was a bit unsure because of the speed of it so I’m glad we both have commitments 😂 But we shall see. Sometimes waiting a bit longer also gives a person more time to build a better connection with someone else?

I get that approach too and tbf it worked out well with Mr Tree - I did manage to maintain no expectations (for around 3 minutes into it lol) but at least pre date I did manage- but again I wasn’t super looking and actually had very low expectations of anything I may get in the end anyway ha! Pervious experience shows some chats dragged on to either no meet or surprisingly rubbish one. I guess there’s a balance to be had and it should also be as close as possible to what makes you most comfortable- makes for a better date.

I just remember a friend, way back, really connecting with this guy - super excited to drive quite a distance for a full day out - it just crashed and burned and left her quite disappointed.

I think you need more than a ‘hey how are you’ for sure and I think in this case it is serendipitous that you do now have these further few days - enjoy and keep us updated!

This is lovely, and I think you are right to stop counting dates at some point but unsure when that is tbh?

I had my 5th date with Mr Singer last night and so far things are remaining lovely, similar timeframe as you too!

Great news! Glad it’s going well 😊

I’m on 10 or 11 tomorrow- depending how overnight is calculated lol but can’t recall dates - maybe I’ll go weeks after this! Maybe there’s a consensus on here already?

Glad it’s going so well with Mr Singer - love these updates.

Doing well @Betsy95 and @MsJinks

How does exclusivity work in 2026?

I honestly have no clue, was hoping someone on here would advise! It’s so weird to me that it even has to be a thing tbh, I miss the old days where you just assumed you were only seeing eachother!

If you have to ask you are with the wrong person

3 dates in?

This is fantastic news! X