The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks to all who have suggested this, as it did actually occur to me this morning that this may be the reason - he has messaged and confirmed the date, so I am hoping it's that!

I am looking forward to it to a degree in the sense that it will at least bring clarity - if he is nice and thinks I'm nice, I will know it's definitely worth pursuing. And if there is no chemistry, at least I will know that and can remove him from the current little pedestal I have put him on, and focus more on other connections.....

I am nervous tho, it's been ages since my last first date!

It’s so hard to read though isn’t it - though I agree that once a date is set for the real check on each other, then keep texting to know each other has gone, but you’re probably not going to want to text about what you had for breakfast until you know if there’s potential.

I find this messaging progresses things differently to when it was literally dates, no mobiles - I guess a lot of people here mightn’t recall that one though lol!

I’d enjoy the anticipation excitement- in case there’s none later lol - but it sounds really promising to me - and it’s a lovely day out so you’re all set for a good one!

Enjoy - oh and update lol.

One of my daughters - her first love kept messaging every so often for about 10 years! I think they’re keen to get out there yes, but some can be a bit lazy and check their phone/OLD contacts list first in case that solves their today dating issue lol.

Yep, had two guys who stood me up for a first date messaged me the last month as if nothing is the matter. Bonkers, isn't it?

If I haven't heard from them in 48h I unmatch or block because I don't want to give anyone access to do that.

Am back on the dating scene after splitting up with Mr MH for the final time. On and off for 18 months and brilliant most of the time (51 me and best sex ever) but he lets his ex, who he shares a daughter with, control when he sees his daughter and an issue last weekend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m gutted, but long term it will be for the best for me (shit timing for a long weekend though).
Have been perusing online dating for the last week and it’s grimmer than grim. Utterly grim. My friends are all coupled up so they all keep telling me I don’t need a man. Which I don’t, NEED one but omg I’d like one. No irons at all, not even an amazingly bent up teaspoon in the background. Just looking up details for the local convent …!

I usually do too. They both had my WhatsApp and I was talking to about a million people back then so just didn't bother blocking assuming I won't hear from them again. I have now rectified that.

Hang in there, it can be annoying and maybe you need a bit more time before jumping back in? If not keep swiping and see what crops up!

@Betsy95 tbh it was going south for a few weeks but the finality of it all still hurts. I had to laugh as all of my friends have mentioned meeting someone at the local rugby club … I’ve been volunteering there for the last couple of seasons and it’s not been productive in the dating sense apart from married men 🤣🙄 I’ve just taken on an allotment so maybe I can grow my own?! 🤣

Hahaha oh no!
I see events like this posted where I live. Our city museum even hosts singles nights. On the one hand I wonder if the smaller numbers involved would make it even less likely I would meet anyone of interest. On the other, perhaps it’s more likely to weed out the guys who can’t be bothered making any sort of effort?

Ohhh good luck for the second date!

My recent FWB was someone I had had one date with previously then lost touch with for years.. he kept coming up on my Facebook as a suggested friend, and eventually in a reckless moment I added him. He messaged immediately, and it went from there.... (Was nice while it lasted but I am no longer sufficiently convinced he is fully single ..... )

I sometimes think I wouldn't mind some of my irons of yore looking me up - at least it would save me from the stress of first meetings! I know that's not the right attitude though - there is a reason the past is the past, usually.

So, my date with Radiators today was (drum roll) ..... Really nice! We chatted in the garden of a Wetherspoons for about two hours - conversation flowed easily and was funny, varied and entertaining. He insisted on paying for the drinks - not a huge thing financially but a nice touch!

He looked well turned out, with a nice shirt. He isn't a stunner, but there is nothing off putting about him, so I think he is one of those where, the more into him you got in personality terms, the more attractive he would seem.

No phsyical contact apart from a slightly awkward hug at the end. And there was just one real chemistry moment, when I put my arms behind my back to demonstrate me holding on while riding pillion on a motorbike, and I guess it must have thrust my breasts forward (not my intention I swear) and he said "You MUST stop doing that" - it's hard to convey, but somehow it was quite a sexy moment, as he was such a total gent the rest of the time.....

Because of the awkwardness of the hug at the end I had feared he wasn't interested - but he text just now to say he would like to meet again!

Go, Radiators!

So, what is everyone's view on swiping/general ironing at this point. Do you just keep going as normal, and swipe/chat to/date as many as you like until someone says "exclusive".

Sensible me thinks that is the way forward. After all, it's only been one meeting. Romantic me is thinking, here is a Radiator-shaped basket, let's chuck all our eggs in......

Great news! It's really encouraging to have a first date like that. You sound positive and so is he, judging by his reaction!

But yes, keep swiping /maintaining irons until you both each a conclusion. Stops you getting too invested too soon.

This is great!

I think it’s a personal choice, for me I prefer to date one person at a time and see how it lands. I did try chatting / dating a couple of people at the same time but I found it difficult to juggle personally.

Love this for you. If he ties up another date promptly I’d personally see it through. I think I wouldn’t like men to be dating multiple women so I do as I’d expect to be treated of that makes sense?

On dating multiple people - whatever suits you. I haven't got time or headspace but if you have then go for it x

Mr ✈️✈️ great date 2 - another on Sat 😁

This is brilliant news with Planes - the dates seem to be coming thick and fast! Any red flags so far?

Interesting that we all have different views on multiple dating..... Thanks to all who shared their views on this.

I think I will probably mainly focus on Radiators but keep just vaguely chatting to the other two irons I already have , at least until Radiators firms up the next date with a time and location.

I do have time to date more than one - and I did tell Radiators when we were first chatting that I was speaking to others, and would do so unless we became exclusive - he said he wasn't chatting to others but respected my honesty, and it doesn't seem to have put him off! So I wouldn't feel I was deceiving him, if you see what I mean.

Hope everyone has a nice Sunday lined up!

None so far. We'll see 😁

Sounds like you both dealt with that well 💐

That’s me too - my brain can’t cope with more than one ha. But I have also found in my dim and distant past there’s either none I could be arsed with, or a clear front runner that makes seeing/talking to others difficult and pointless and can’t get a spark up with them..

I don’t like to say this but I think it’s easier to do this for men, they compartmentalise better maybe so they can fully enjoy each date with different women.

Editing to say this bit was for @Ilovelurchers- who asked initially re this - I’d go with what works well for you - maybe try chatting, if you like, but after all if you like him, then if it just ends, it won’t matter how many others you’re chatting with, it’ll still be disappointing.

Sounding promising though 🤞

Ooh this is exciting - it’s the return of light and the sun lol - enjoy.

Had the best 6th date last night - follow up tonight. I wasn’t expecting this when I couldn’t be bothered to do my ironing and hopped on OLD!

So pleased for you! This sounds exciting!