The Dating Thread 57 - The Darling Buds

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks, that's reassuring and helpful. What you said is exactly what I want in the long term ("I’d be good with not moving in, not texting daily and a couple of nights a week but I’d need exclusivity and some assurance within myself that we had just a specific low key relationship but it was indeed that and between just us and they liked me quite a bit too") but I don't think this counts as casual really.

There’s so many definitions of casual nowadays I think - even if both sides have the best intent it’s hard to get it nailed down.

I refer to my last thing as a situationship now as that’s what it was - but that’s only since it about ended ha as that term didn’t seem to be used before.

I’m probably not helped that I grew up with a pair of soulmates as parents - who ‘knew’ immediately, or my Dad did, my ma took a week lol. Imagine if someone was saying they’d met the woman they wanted to marry by the second date - it would be ‘love bombing - avoid’ ha. I never wanted that overwhelming interconnection they had tbh, so I’ve probably got rose tinted specs on as to all the easiness before t’net as I never did so well dating however you define it lol.

@ForRedShark ‘friend zone’ can sound a bit unfair, like someone owes romantic interest x

I have unmatched Mr Victim. You’d think it’d be a laugh to chat with a much younger guy but maybe he’s looking for a 2nd mum! I already have a son and am not looking for any surrogate children!

I’ve only been chatting to Mr Noodles this week but we seem to be getting on so far. I’d be keen to meet up so have thrown it out there that I prefer to meet up sooner rather than later. I’ve also matched with another iron I’ll call Mr Windswept but it’s too early to form an opinion on him yet.

I’m glad your date went well @Nosdacariad and if he’s already planning the next one that seems really positive.

Agree about Mr Slippers - whatever happened to a good, old-fashioned ‘yes’?!

Great reading everyone’s updates! And best of luck to all who have dates coming up 🙂

No irons for me. Still plodding on with the swiping and not really getting anywhere with it. A couple of brief dull chats here and there but nothing exciting. Or the dreaded sex pests who get instantly blocked.

It’s been 6 weeks online and one date right at the beginning, but he wasn’t for me. Would be lovely to match with someone and build some kind of connection which may move forward to a date!

English is not his first language but he does like to be seen as an avid book reader and a bit of an intellectual, lol. He then sent another message a bit later ‘Sorry, I am still walking back home from work’. We’re meeting tomorrow for drinks and dinner, so let’s see. Haven’t seen him for over 4 weeks now due to us being away at different times so a bit unsure how I feel

Great! So he IS interested! Hope it goes well.

It goes through phases, I find. Sometimes the same profiles just seem to go round and round, and sometimes there's a new batch of more interesting ones. I expect they feel the same boredom seeing my profile!

I've got two 'irons' at the moment but realistically, the one I have a better feeling about (Mr Producer) is too far away. Meanwhile, Mr Expressive, aka Mr Hot and Beige, continues to churn out the same dull pleasantries. I'd still be up for meeting him in case he turns out to be more dynamic in person (and because he looks good) but no suggestion of that from him so far. This weekend I'm busy and I have visitors next week. Not sure if I can keep this banal chat going for that long however 😅

So excited for you, I really hope you have a lovely time together tomorrow and if nothing else, have made a new friend ❤️

i have date 5 this weekend…

C
This is progress 😁

@CleanShirt how are you getting on?

Am I allowed to introduce a fantasy iron from work?
I think he's single, he's completely gorgeous and has gone out of his way to help me lately. Only he says he's a child of the 90s but looks at least late 40s...I haven't met him in person but he's gorgeous...Mr Art.

Maybe he means as in when he was partying? I was born in the 60s but my music/dancing/teen fun was early 80s? Then again I don’t call myself a child of the 80s.

Nice to have a spark at work though - cheers the day up a bit!

You’ll know when you set eyes on him - good or bad! - hope you have a lovely time though whatever happens.

@Nosdacariad hello! Keeping an eye on the thread but nothing major to report. Was let down by the fireman last night (shock horror) and woke up to a very apologetic and almost L-bomby voice note this morning. Very confusing and taking time to ponder it.

Went speed dating tonight which was hilarious and awful is equal measures.

Mr Art sounds very interesting!

I am loving the sound of Mr Planes! This is promising news.

I love the idea of someone "hot and beige" in theory, as hot is not, and I've often wondered if someone a bit beiger would be soothing for my soul.

But I get what you mean about grinding out the mundane pleasantries. I get so tired of feigning interest in the day of someone I haven't even met, and who the balance of probability states I never will meet..... Unless you were attacked by sharks while driving, or something, I am really not that interested! And no doubt you were just working, chilling, or having "cheeky drinks" at best....

But, some people aren't at their best over text. Is mild boredom enough of a pink flag to bin? A question I often ask myself when OLD.....

Thanks to all the well-wishers re. Radiators - unfortunately, after his burst of energy in fixing the time of the date, he was singularly quiet all day - a mere handful of brief messages that was really noticeable compared to our usual regular flow of banter.

I was careful not to double text, and energy matched to some extent but not that much - it was definitely him leading the comparative silence.

Still, we are technically still on for meeting tomorrow, and I have made the decision to go through with it unless he cancels - it's no distance from my home at all, so I am willing to be stood up if that's what happens - I just feel I have gone so far, I want to see it though to the death now....

My best friend examined his profile tonight and feels some of his photos are wildly out of date (compared to his stated age) and that that could be why he is sketchy about meeting? Anyway, we will see what tomorrow brings.

Mr Electric is still chatting nicely and we have a date for next weekend to look forward to.

And I have tonight added a new iron to the stable - Mr Smooth - he seems lovely in the chat and has gorgeous pics, but he doesn't actually live near me permanently, is just currently working near here in the week, and I am fully aware this might hide a multitude of sins.

Anyway, I have "sweet dreams"d all my active irons and it's time for bed - sleep well you lovely, supportive bunch!

I feel like an engineer could make a good joke out of Mr Radiators having a burst of energy (heat exchangers?!) @Ilovelurchers though hope he's not a block to 🔥

@CleanShirt speed dating, how brave!!

@CleanShirt I take it no potential irons from speed dating?

I went with a friend once, we had a lot of fun (and too many cocktails) but there were some absolute weirdos! All the women seemed so lovely, it was a shame.

The age range was 30-40 and I sat down opposite a man who was clearly older, he told me he was 55. When I asked why he was so far out of the age range he got flustered and said "I have a lot of money" then proceeded to tell me the square footage of his house and all the different cars he had.

@Ilovelurchers I'm still hopeful about radiators! I have a tendency to go a bit quiet on message once a date is booked. I much prefer talking face to face so if a proper meeting is imminent I'd rather save anything I have to say until then.

Do we think the better weather is making some of these previous irons think it’s time for some dates?! I’ve had two messages over the last two weekends from men I’ve not spoken to for months. There were reasons at the time, the first one I matched with around September time last year. He kept sending me unsolicited voice notes and photos of his cinema room, so that didn’t go anywhere. The other I matched with in the early part of this year, we were messaging, then, I kid you not, he said he’d have to go, because he was going out on a date!! Then I never heard from him again until last weekend, I thought I’d blocked him, I have now! No point to this really, just interesting behaviour I thought I’d share 😄

@Ilovelurchers I agree with @Kaltenzahn on going quiet once an initial date is fixed, I do the same, unless it's about practicalities... hope he's nice! Looking forward to hearing about him.

@Kaltenzahn absolutely none! Was a good laugh with a friend tho.

I'll just be ironless and observe 🤣

Oh my goodness! Tell us more about what happened at speed dating… I’ve never tried it personally

@PinkNeonSign I do think they crawl out of the woodwork when the sun comes out. And instead of putting in the effort with someone new, they’ll see if anyone they’ve spoken to before wants to restart something, it’s the easy option. I also find they have memory loss as to why you didn’t continue anything with them…..
I had one last night that I dated in 2021. He did keep popping up during my last relationship and I kept telling him I wasn’t single, but he’s seen me on OLD now. It’s still not going anywhere. To be fair to him he’s gorgeous, and a really nice guy, but such a workaholic I’d never see him.
After the experience with Mr T my friends reckon I should get back out there so we were swiping together last night. Absolutely every profile was a no and then, as usual, I ran out of men on Hinge. So trying Bumble again and I’ve got a few matches already so let’s see where they go.

@BoxOfCats I tried speed dating nearly 20 years ago and it was dire. Although, I appreciate I was in my early 20s and maybe not quite the right target market for it. I remember it being really awkward and basically a version of Tinder where you are not allowed to swipe left immediately after the person opens their mouth 😬
Hoping for your sake @CleanShirt that things have moved on since then and you have a fabulous time!