New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

My DP rarely uses my name (and we've been together 18 years!)

My DH only says my name when I do something silly or we are aruging, same with him really. It’s normal!

Did you meet on dating apps? If so, he might be dating a few women, so avoids using names so he doesn’t get mixed up. Worse still, he might be copying and pasting messages to each of you.

If you’re ok with that, no problem. If you think you’re exclusive, make sure he’s on the same page.

Is never put anyone’s name in a text why would you it’s gone to there number
the only time we use our name is if there’s other people about and it not obvious who your talking to
if there’s only the 2 of you why would you use the name it’s odd

It feels weird when my husband calls me by my name

My husband rarely uses my name when talking to me, but he uses my name along with 'my wife' when he mentions me to others. More often than not he will address me with a nickname/term or endearment.

He doesn't want to get it mixed up with his wife's.

He has genuinely forgotten, is mortified, and desperately looking for letters or clues to your name everytime he visits.

He likes you, but your name is the same as his childhood bully/ dead dog / ex, so he can't bring himself to say it.

Why would you say someones name? It's obvious who a message has gone to and come from! It would be really weird if I met up with DH and said Hi Fred. Are you ok? If he wants your attention, what does he do then?

Agree. Why would you start a text with their name?! Sounds weirdly formal.

DP only says my name when he needs me for something and I’m in another room/not next to him in a supermarket etc. this is normal!

I find it really odd when people keep using my name unnecessarily. Like really fake

I’ve never written a message hi so and so ….. If he calls out from the kitchen if you want a cuppa what does he say?

I use DH’s name so rarely that I pause when I mention him to people! Partly because he’s (for example) Bill in some places and Billy in others.

I've been married 22 years and DH never uses my name. Even if he needs me round the house he just shouts Hello!

It might be as other people have said, if he's speaking directly to you then he may not need to use it.
But it's actually quite common for people to have 'name anxiety' to the point that there's actually a term for it: alexinomia
I was fascinated to find it out because I've always had this to an extent. Using someone's direct name feels weirdly intimate especially if it's a new relationship. Don't ask me why.
I actually dated a guy who introduced himself to me with 'My name is David but people call me all sorts." He had a LOT of nicknames. He'd be called Dave or Daz and a few others and I always felt uncomfortable, not knowing one to pick, so I didn't!
We actually dated for a few years and I never once used his name to him directly. Yes, I know that is extremely weird and your new fellow is probably not as nuts as I was. But a lot of people have this to a lesser extent.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0887618524001348

I remember there was a thread running a few years ago about people like this and I was fascinated as my DH is exactly the same, been with him 20 years! Even now if he’s ever had to say my name it makes my heart jump 😂😂 my mum noticed it too because a few years ago he had to call out to her and she said it was strange hearing him say her name!

The general consensus from the thread was some people feel weird saying people’s names. I know in meetings when I am being more assertive I tend to lead with someone’s name when I speak to them so there can be a power to it that some people may not feel comfortable with, and my DH is not an assertive person!

I don’t take it as a lack of love!

Never ever using your name is a bit strange. Have you tried telling hin you've noticed it and are wondering why?

I’ve been with my partner for 10 years, we don’t live together, and I don’t think I’ve ever started a text with “Hi XXXX”.

I feel like I’m in trouble when my husband calls me by my actual name

Other half never says my name. In fact, when he does, it sounds weird and i ask him why his called me it 🤣

I address DH as ‘sweetheart’ or other term of endearment. Together for over 30 years.

On the other hand, he’s hardly a ‘DP’ at this point — he’s a guy you’ve been dating for two months! Are you even exclusively seeing one another?

Exactly the same here. We’ve been together 18 years 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've just had a quick check through my messages, unless it's a group chat or something formal I never call anyone by their name. In person I wouldn't use someone's name when talking directly to them, only if trying to get their attention, for example letting them know dinner is ready from another room.

I’ve been with my husband for over 50 years and I don’t remember him ever using my name in a text message, email, or when he’s talking to me and it’s just us. I find people who constantly feel the need to use my name very irritating.

Another one here who has been married for over 3 decades and can count on 1 hand the number of times DH has addressed me by name. It's a genuine shock when he does!

I don't think it's unusual, judging by this thread, you're overthinking it.